We are selling one of our cars! A hatchback that has been sat on the driveway, and has not been driven, or in fact even started up, for about four months.
My Dad asked me to design an advert for it on the computer. He's written out a few points, and asked me to copy and expand on them. However, I've decided to ignore his advice and re-write the advert myself because, quite simply, I can do it better
Here's what I have so far:
--------
Disintegrating rust heap for sale
Tax expired, MOT until the end of this month, chances of passing upcoming MOT about the same as my chances of winning the National Lottery this weekend.
Car comes complete with an assortment of strange creaking noises, wobbly steering, an ageing radio, 'distressed' upholstery, snail infestation in trunk (don't ask) and tyres which go flat if you look at them funny.
Would suit someone needing housing for chickens, demolition derby enthusiast or snail farmer who wants a head start.
Model: J reg Citroen ZX Hatchback - lovingly crafted in the then newly liberated Eastern Europe by an unskilled peasant workforce and disgruntled ex-Volkswagen workers.
Colour: Unattractive shade of Grey with contrasting rust patches.
Fuel: Runs on pure four star - apparently this is now only a mere £1 a litre up in London.
Only 48,000 miles on the clock! It's been saying that since 1995, mind you ...
Luxury Features
Unfortunately the plastic badge on the front was long ago stolen by an undiscerning Beastie Boys fan. Why not replace it with a badge of your own? Perhaps one which indicates your political affiliation or support for your favourite charity? Alternatively you could choose one with a witty slogan to amuse your fellow motorists. I suggest simply "Porsche".
The car has a sun roof. This also doubles as a rain roof and means you have all the fun of scraping frost from both the inside and the outside of your windsheild in Winter. Just try not to sit under the drip!
The spacious trunk apparently provides an ideal snail breeding habitat. Starter colony included.
Like many top rally cars, this vehicle starts with a satisfying throaty roar and clouds of blue smoke. Replacing the exhaust and possibly the engine should correct this.
Features lucky corroded wheel rims.
Safety Features
Metal car body prevents 'fall apart'
You'll be pretty darn lucky to get this car going anywhere near the national speed limit, let alone dangerously exceeding it.
For optimum safety, do not drive vehicle.
Sophisticated Anti-theft Measures
Anti-theft doors emit ear splitting creak when anyone attempts to open them.
Unlikely to be stolen as no car theif in their right mind would let their friends see them driving around in this vehicle.
In-car entertainment
The radio hasn't worked since that little problem with the wiring back in 2002 which ruined three perfectly good batteries in succession. Still, tons of entertainment can be gleaned from pressing the unresponsive buttons without having to listen to distracting music or announcers.
Or simply play the amusing 'guess why all the other cars are frantically flashing their lights at you this time' game.
A bargain at only £100! Would also swap for spare change/cat food ...
--------
What do you guys think?
In case anyone can't tell, I've written this as a joke for my Dad. I have actually written up the proper advert like he wanted, but I've printed this advert out and taped it to the back window of the car, so he'll see it tomorrow morning. Who knows - it may even persuade someone to buy it
(Ps. The picture isn't the actual car, although it is the same colour and model. I'm taking pictures of the car tomorrow, so if you want I'll post them so you guys can see it in all it's *ahem* glory)
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks