George W. Bush resume ...

[Twisterdog]

George W. Bush resume ...

Disclaimer: I have not researched this and I have no idea of the acuracy of any of these statements.

Opinions??



"RESUME FOR GEORGE W. BUSH
1600 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE
WASHINGTON, DC 20520

Education & Experience:

Law Enforcement: I was arrested in Kennenbunkport, Maine in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine and had my driver’s license suspended for 30 days. My Texas drivers license has been “lost” and is not available

Military: I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam

College: Graduated from Yale University with a low “C” average. I was a cheerleader


Past Work Experience:

I ran for US Congress and lost. I began my career in the oil business in Midland, TX in 1975. I bought an oil company but couldn’t find any oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold my stock. I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that used taxpayer money. With the help of my father and friends in the oil industry (including ENRON CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas

Accomplishments as Governor of Texas
I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America.
I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money
I set the record for the most executions of any governor in American history
With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my father’s appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by over 500,000 votes.


Accomplishments as President
I am the first President in U. S. History to enter office with a criminal record
I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week
I spent the U. S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U. S. Treasury
I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period
I set the all time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U S stock market. In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and the trend continues
I’m proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history. My “poorest” millionaire, Condoleza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her
I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U. S. president
I am the all-time U. S. and world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations
My largest lifetime campaign contributor and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U. S. history – Enron.
My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U. S. Supreme Court during my election
I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent investigating Monica Lewinsky than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history
I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U. S. history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed. I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U. S. history
I changed U. S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts
I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period
I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U. S. stock market.
I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of our government.
I appointed more convicted criminals to administrative positions than any President
I’ve broken more international treaties than any President has in U. S. history
I am the first President in U. S. history to have the United Nations remove the U. S. from the World Court of Law
I refused to allow inspectors access to U. S. “prisoners of war”
I set the record for the fewest number of press conferences of any President since the advent of television
I set the all-time record for the most vacation day sin any one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U. S. history
I garnered the most sympathy for the U. S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later, made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure in world history diplomacy
I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million) shattering the record for protests against any person in the history of mankind.
I am the first President in U. S. history to order an unprovoked, preemptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U. S. citizens and the world community
I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families – in wartime.
In my State of the Union address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British allies
I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security
I am supporting development of a nuclear “Tactical Bunk buster” – a weapon of mass destruction
I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden (sic) to justice


Records and References:
All records of my tenure as Texas governor are now in my father’s library – sealed and unavailable for public view.
All records of SEC investigations of my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view
All records of minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.


Please consider my experience when voting next November. "

[G.P.girl]

lol i think i've seen this some where before

[mugsy]

I've seen it before (actually a couple of times) and get a good laugh every time. I'm pretty sure that it falls under the "urban legend" thing, but, entertaining at least! He definitely has himself in some deep doodoo right now.

[cali]

hahaha lol I believe every word! lol

[lizbud]

Bush doesn't need a resume, but he could use an interpreter.

Caution: Some quotes contain profanity.....


"The dictator of Iraq is making his choice" – George W. Bush, regarding the impending war with Iraq. Feb, 6, 2003

"The war on terror involves Saddam Hussein because of the nature of Saddam Hussein, the history of Saddam Hussein, and his willingness to terrorize himself." - Grand Rapids, Mich., Jan. 29, 2003

"You're back here with my people. You're back here with the tequila drinkers, yeah. What you need is to go up there and make a little whoopee with the tequila drinkers, get to know them better." - G.W. Bush from Journeys With George by Alexandra Pelosi, debuted on HBO Nov. 5, 2002

"When I was coming up it was a dangerous world, and we knew exactly who the they were. It was us versus them, and it was clear who them was." - G.W. Bush from Journeys With George by Alexandra Pelosi, debuted on HBO Nov. 5, 2002

"I can't hear you because I can't see." - G.W. Bush from Journeys With George by Alexandra Pelosi, debuted on HBO Nov. 5, 2002

"There's an old saying in Tennessee -- I know it's in Texas, it's probably in Tennessee --that says, fool me once, shame on ... shame on you. Fool me ... You can't get fooled again." - G.W. Bush quoted by the Baltimore Sun - Oct 6, 2002

"We need to understand if you let kindling build up and there's a lightning strike, you're going get yourself a big fire," - G.W. Bush in a lame attempt to make deforestation look like a way to stop forest fires, - Aug 22, 2002

"I know in the fall of an election year, the tendency is to focus more on scoring political points than on making progress." - G.W. Bush after a golf game with Bush Sr. and just before going on a massive, multi-state, GOP fundraising campaign. Kennebunkport, Maine. -August 3rd, 2002

"Sometimes things aren't exactly black and white when it comes to accounting procedures ... I still haven't figured it out completely." - Bush when asked for details about his dealings with Harken Energy Corp., of which he was on the audit committee. G.W. Bush's father was in office in 1990 when he sold his Harken stock and the SEC did not pursue a case. -July 8th, 2002

"Do you have blacks too?" - Bush ignorantly asked Brazil's President Fernando Henrique Cardoso. Reported by the reputable German publication Der Spiegel. Rumor has it, Condoleza Rice interupted the president and explained in brief the African history in Brazil.

"Washington is unfortunately the kind of place where second-guessing has become second nature," - G.W. Bush responding to suggestions he had warnings of September 11th before the attacks. Washington D.C., May 17th, 2002

"After all, a week ago, there were — Yasser Arafat was boarded up in his building in Ramallah, a building full of, evidently, German peace protestors and all kinds of people. They're now out. He's now free to show leadership, to lead the world." - G.W. Bush. Washington D.C., May 2nd, 2002

"This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating." - G.W. Bush as quoted by the New York Daily News, April 23rd, 2002

"I've got a tool, and that's called a veto" - G.W. Bush regarding working with congress on the budget. Washington Post, April 17th, 2002

"And so, in my State of the -- my State of the Union -- or state -- my speech to the nation, whatever you want to call it, speech to the nation -- I asked Americans to give 4,000 years --4,000 hours over the next -- the rest of your life -- of service to America."" - G.W. Bush. April 9th, 2002. Reported by the San Francisco Gate (among others)

"I made up my mind that Saddam needs to go,"- G.W. Bush to British Prime Minister, Tony Blair, April 5th, 2002

"Sometimes when I sleep at night I think of 'Hop on Pop."- G.W. Bush speaking on educating children, April 2nd, 2002

"There's nothing more deep than recognizing Israel's right to exist. That's the most deep thought of all. ... I can't think of anything more deep than that right."-March 13th, 2000, Washington, D.C.

"I understand that the unrest in the Middle East creates unrest throughout the region."-March 13th, 2000, Washington, D.C.

"{waves hello}"- G.W. Bush waves to the blind musician, Stevie Wonder, as reported by the Washington Post, March 6th, 2002

"It also makes sense for New York State to have a governor whose phone calls will be returned from the White House." -February 2002, at a fundraiser for New York's Republican governor, George Pataki.

"It's an encroachment on the executive branch's ability to conduct business," —Regarding Enron, January 28th, 2002

"Mother, I should have listened to you. Always chew your pretzels before you swallow." —January 14th, 2002

"Not over my dead body will they raise your taxes!" —January 11th, 2002

"This is not an instant gratification war" —November 2nd, 2001

"I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan airport." —October 3rd, 2001 at Reagan International Airport in Washington, D.C.

"When I take action, I'm not going to fire a $2 million missile at a $10 empty tent and hit a camel in the butt. It's going to be decisive."—September 19th, 2001

''I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe—I believe what I believe is right."—Rome, July 22, 2001

"It's my honor to speak to you as the leader of your country. And the great thing about America is you don't have to listen unless you want to." — Speaking to recently sworn in immigrants on Ellis Island, July 10, 2001

"Well, it's an unimaginable honor to be the president during the Fourth of July of this country. It means what these words say, for starters. The great inalienable rights of our country. We're blessed with such values in America. And I--it's--I'm a proud man to be the nation based upon such wonderful values."—Visiting the Jefferson Memorial, Washington, D.C., July 2, 2001

"We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease."—Gothenburg, Sweden, June 14, 2001

''I had no idea we had so many weapons, ...what do we need them for?'' — George W. Bush, stunned when told the extent of the U.S. nuclear arsenal, Newsweek, June 25, 2001

"It's amazing I won. I was running against peace, prosperity, and incumbency." — George W. Bush, June 14, 2001. Speaking to Swedish Prime Minister Goran Perrson, unaware that a live television camera was still rolling.

"If a person doesn't have the capacity that we all want that person to have, I suspect hope is in the far distant future, if at all."—Remarks to the Hispanic Scholarship Fund Institute, Washington, D.C., May 22, 2001

"For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable. And we're going to do something about it."—Philadelphia, May 14, 2001

"There's no question that the minute I got elected, the storm clouds on the horizon were getting nearly directly overhead." - Washington, D.C., May 11, 2001

"It's a school full of so-called at-risk children. It's how we, unfortunately, label certain children. It means basically they can't learn. ... It's one of the best schools in Houston." —George W. Bush speaking about KIPP Academy in Houston, Texas.

"Whatever it took to help Taiwan defend theirself."—On how far we'd be willing to go to defend Taiwan, Good Morning America, April 25, 2001

"First, we would not accept a treaty that would not have been ratified, nor a treaty that I thought made sense for the country." —George W. Bush, on the Kyoto accord, April 24, 2001

"I've coined new words, like, misunderstanding and Hispanically." —George W. Bush, who meant to say "misunderestimated"

"They misunderestimated me."—Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000

"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."—Greater Nashua, N.H., Chamber of Commerce, Jan. 27, 2000


"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully."-Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000

"The great thing about America is everybody should vote."-Austin, Texas, Dec. 8, 2000

"It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it."--Reuters, May 5, 2000

"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"-Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000

"I understand small business growth. I was one."-New York Daily News, Feb. 19, 2000

"The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my case."-Pella, Iowa, as quoted by the San Antonio Express-News, Jan. 30, 2000

"It's important for us to explain to our nation that life is important. It's not only life of babies, but it's life of children living in, you know, the dark dungeons of the Internet."—Arlington Heights, Ill., Oct. 24, 2000

"I think if you know what you believe, it makes it a lot easier to answer questions. I can't answer your question."—Reynoldsburg, Ohio, Oct. 4, 2000

"Natural gas is hemispheric. I like to call it hemispheric in nature because it is a product that we can find in our neighborhoods."—Austin, Texas, Dec. 20, 2000

"The senator [McCain] has got to understand if he's going to have—he can't have it both ways. He can't take the high horse and then claim the low road."—To reporters in Florence, S.C., Feb. 17, 2000

"We ought to make the pie higher."—South Carolina Republican Debate, Feb. 15, 2000

"They want the federal government controlling Social Security like it's some kind of federal program."—Debate in St. Charles, Mo., Nov. 2, 2000

"It's your money. You paid for it."—LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000

"It's not the governor's role to decide who goes to heaven. I believe that God decides who goes to heaven, not George W. Bush." -- George W. Bush, in the Houston Chronicle.

"There ought to be limits to freedom. We're aware of this [web] site, and this guy is just a garbage man, that's all he is." --George Jr., discussing a web site that parodies him (YIKES!)

"I'm a uniter not a divider. That means when it comes time to sew up your chest cavity, we use stitches as opposed to opening it up." -- Bush, on David Letterman, March 2, 2000. (the audience booed)

"I didn't -- I swear I didn't -- get into politics to feather my nest or feather my friends' nests." —George W. Bush in the Houston Chronicle


"You fucking son of a bitch. I saw what you wrote. We're not going to forget this." —George W. Bush to writer and editor Al Hunt, in front of his wife and kids, 1988

[Pam]

Well it's nice that we live in a land where we can post these kinds of threads without fear. I actually bought a calendar for my son at Christmas called "Bushisms" and it was a humorous quote for each day. I can laugh right along with anyone, but when it comes right down to it, I support GW 100% and he will once again have my vote in November.

[RICHARD]

Originally posted by Pam
Well it's nice that we live in a land where we can post these kinds of threads without fear

ain't skeerd!


My all time favorite??

"I did not have sex with THAT woman..."

[Edwina's Secretary]

How about....... "there is no doubt Saddam has weapons of mass distruction?"

Opps!

Oh and Richard....talking about Clinton's sex life is soooo yesterday!

[Pam]

Originally posted by Edwina's Secretary
How about....... "there is no doubt

I think it depends on your definition of what is is! LOL! (sound familiar?) In hindsight, there was no doubt...in my humble opinion they were there and were removed. We KNEW he had them. That much is fact.

[Edwina's Secretary]

We KNEW he had them. That much is fact

Welll, gosh yes. We have the receipts after all!

[lizbud]

It's now being said that George W. having to explain & defend
his National Guard service, has turned into his "Monica moment"..... So we'd better be finding some new jokes.

[RICHARD]

the part I love the best is the way Saddam snapped his fingers and magically killed the Kurds right after the Gulf War...

No wonder he was feared.

[mugsy]

Yep, the WMDs are probably now in Syria having traveled there in the countless semi trailers that moved out of Iraq during the debate on whether or not we should go in.


I have come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as an honest politician...doesn't matter whether they're Republican or Democrat....then, both sides point out the lies told by the other side. I guess I just think I'll stick with being an Independent and then I can either defend or attack the side that makes me mad or makes me happy.

[RICHARD]

Originally posted by mugsy
I guess I just think I'll stick with being an Independent and then I can either defend or attack the side that makes me mad or makes me happy.

hahaha


Another convert to the Common Sense/Rock and Roll and Party Every Night Party!!

I hope Richard Hatch runs for president....

[2kitties]

I would TOTALLY vote for Richard Hatch!