I just want to vent...

[Tonya]

Mind if I vent a minute? No one in my family likes to hear about my mom, so I have to vent to you all.

My dad died when I was 1, and my mom re-married when I was 3. Therefore, my brothers and I have different fathers. My grandmother's workers accidentally threw away the boxes that had everything from my dad in the 80's. So all there is from my dad is the wedding rings and wedding dress from their marriage, and one photo album from the timeframe that I was born. No baby pics, or anything of him.

First, when my brother Danny decided to marry Julie, my mom gave Danny the wedding rings. It bothered the hell out of me because my dad isn't even Danny's dad. I could see if it was Danny's father also, it would be ok for Julie to have the rings.

Then, today, I was cleaning out my closets when my mom came over. She asked for the wedding dress. I asked her why and she said to give to Julie because it'll never fit me. (My mom was real tiny in the 70's)

My gawd!! This isn't even Danny's freakin father! I am the only child from him. Isn't it my right to have the few things left that were his? Why should my brother's wife have this stuff?! I love Julie to death, this isn't anything personal towards her. But I don't understand my mom's way of thinking.

[mugsy]

I am so sorry you lost your heirlooms from your father. I would say that it's your right to tell your mother no to the dress. Having been involved in genealogy for the last 10 years or so, I'm here to tell you that you need to keep all that you can so that you may pass them on to your children.

[Katiesmom]

I think you have the right for those items. I believe me and my mom would have a few arounds before I handed over anything I mean its not right you should have those things. Are you going to be able to get the dress back?

[Tonya]

I stood up for myself this time. I didn't give her the dress. So now, I am a "Selfish, spoiled brat." I'm sure Julie understands (if she even knows my mom was giving it to her). It's just my mom that's nutty.

The only reason I didn't fight about the rings is because Julie and Danny were so excited about being married. I didn't want to put a damper on it. Even though personally, I don't think people should make babies and/or get married if they can't afford it.

[Katiesmom]

Originally posted by Tonya
Even though personally, I don't think people should make babies and/or get married if they can't afford it.

I so agree with you!

[Fox-Gal]

Oh do I know how you feel, my mother passed away my freshmen year of college. She was my best friend, we did everything toghter.

Anyway my Father held on to most of her things for years. Till the day of my Brothers wedding, I'll never forget turning around to see my father giving my brothers new wife, my mother's diamonds. I just couln't belive it, I had no idea what say or do. I was so angry and hurt. Later of course I told my father that the least he could have done was warn me, he had no idea how hard it was for me to stand there and have Lynn show me my mother's diamonds.

Then a few years later I find out that Lynn (brothers wife) was giving my mother's buz. It was left to me after I came of a certain age, in the mean time my Aunt ran it. They had decided that sence Lynn had no job and was bored being a housewife/mother that this would be perfect for her...So off they flew to my aunts and told her I had no problems with this. NO one asked me!!!

Now as of this day the buzz is in the hands of Lynn's best friend and Lynn has a small part in it.....she owns that name!!! I do have my mothers wedding ring back, I raised h@#l for that. She has the others.

I hold a lot of anger to this day about some of this and most likely always will. It's been hard getting close to Lynn because of this.
I realize that my brother should also have some of mothers things and has the right to give them to his wife if he wants but some how I feel that they forgot that I too lost my mother and before anything was decided or giving away I should have at least been informed. Just because I never asked for items they assumed I didn't care or want them and the truth is I didn't want to take them away from my father.

I know how it hurts when the only things you have of a loved one are taken away from you without any thoughts to how you feel. I wanted so bad to take my brother to court over the buzz at first, it was legal mine, but I couldn't fight with a family member over anything like this. God forbid I lose him too, how would I live with myself.

The best I could do was explain how I felt as nicely as I could and then go on with what ever they decided because in the long run my brother still means more to me then any item of my mothers. I carry her in my heart everyday.

[Tonya]

Originally posted by Fox-Gal
The best I could do was explain how I felt as nicely as I could and then go on with what ever they decided because in the long run my brother still means more to me then any item of my mothers. I carry her in my heart everyday.

Good advice. Like you said, it's not worth ruining relationships over, but it sure is hurtful and inconsiderate.

[Fox-Gal]

Originally posted by Tonya
Good advice. Like you said, it's not worth ruining relationships over, but it sure is hurtful and inconsiderate.

Yeah it's hurtful and inconsiderate and sometimes that is harder to get over then the lost of the items. But do your best to try to get over the hurt because in the long run it is family. No matter how inconsiderate they may be.....we still love them. Even though there are those days where we wish we didn't love them.


Pick your battles and your time and then consider if the battle worth it in the long run. Thats my way at least, think long turm. I might get what I want now but in the long run will it be worth it. If the answer is no then don't fight over it.