Cats are merely kid replacements...

[bisi.cat]

I am really annoyed by some people, who truly think our Nellie is only a kid replacement...
My husband and I are now married for nine years and we've decided quite early in our marriage that we don't want to have children...but I always loved the idea of living with pets especially cats!!!
So we don't see Nellie as a mere replacement...
I agree with the statement of one of Germany's much loved authors Elke Heidenreich:
"People always ask me wether my cats are merely replacements for real kids, I then answer: "Well if I'd have kids they'd be cat replacements!"

Are you also often confronted with this annoying question?!

[Kirsten]

Yes, I'm often told that by some ignorant people! Maybe it's my own fault because I'm often referring to my cats as my babies which is obviously a common thing in other parts of the world, but not in Germany.

I have also decided very early not to have kids, because I could never imagine to live with them; whenever I have thought about sharing my home with someone, it would have been a cat.

I love that Elke Heidenreich-quote, isn't she the one who has written "Nero Corleone"?

Well, I may add that it's a fact that I couldn't love a kid more than I love my girls!

Kirsten

[sasvermont]

An interesting question. I think the answer is round. I mean that there are many reasons for each person's need to nurture SOMETHING. I think it is natural to want to nurture a living object....plants...pets...other people..... and so we (some of us) have chosen our pets to nurture. I think it is important to feel wanted, needed, loved, to love, to cherish, to be cherished, to nurture! So, in a way, pets could be a substitute for children, but who is to say that you have to have children to nurture! Some people have pets and children....(and husbands).....boy do they have their hands full!

I say that if I didn't have cats, I would have SOMETHING to nurture. Some people use their work to feel wanted, needed etc. Not me! I enjoy my work but leave it at the office most days!

We are not crazy, we are focused on what we want to nurture.

[Cataholic]

Hmm...I don't know if I have had this conversation, in seriousness, or not. I do consider my kitties (and puppy) 'my kids'. I possibly don't face this question as much as a married woman might, though.

But, bisi.cat and Kirsten, you can only be offended if you let yourself. Just smile and say, "what an interesting statment that is". I wouldn't be offended, but, would instead, act as if the other person is slightly off for saying such a thing.

[Pam]

Originally posted by sasvermont
I think it is natural to want to nurture a living object....plants...pets...other people..... and so we (some of us) have chosen our pets to nurture. I think it is important to feel wanted, needed, loved, to love, to cherish, to be cherished, to nurture!

Gosh you said that so well! I also believe that we are all born with a huge capacity to love and on whom or what we shower our love can vary. I had dogs early on in my marriage but then I had always been raised with dogs and a household without a dog seemed empty (even though I had a hubby! LOL!) I am sure people thought my dogs were replacements for children since we waited several years to start a "skin" family. But the fact remains, that even after having my own children there is still for me the need to nurture animals. In fact it is probably getting stronger since I now have more animals (at one time) than I ever did before!

[catnapper]

Sometimes... but most people have no clue how nuts I am about my cats. Only my family and closest friends. But I agree, I'm in the category of deciding NOT to have human babies.

I am married to the most wonderful man who happens to come as a package deal.... that package includes three teenagers, whom I love dearly. Their mother may as well not exist (son says she's dead - LOL) and I am now their mom... I never think of them as stepkids.

Anyway, people are CONSTANTLY asking us when we're going to have children together and I reply, "We do, their names are Allen and Pouncer." Both were a surprise and we didn't know we were expecting them until the day we decided to bring them home You should see people's expression when they hear the name Pouncer... what parent would name a kid Pouncer?

I have an older woman friend who is basically a second mother to me. She never had kids, always had cats. When we got Pouncer, I brought him to see her when he was only 7 or 8 weeks old. she feel in love with him and considers him her grandson. I send her pictures and call to update her and all. One day we were talking about him in her store (she runs an art gallery) and people overheard. They really thought we were talking about a real kid. Ooops.

[catcrazylady]

This is a very interesting subject Bisi.cat.
For many of my younger years I struggled to get pregnant. Due to endometriosis it never happened and at the age of 32 I had to have a complete hystorectomy (sp). I know that my family and friends really think that my obsession for animals is a replacement for the children I never had.
What do I think? I think Sasvermont hit the nail on the head! We are born to nurture! I do believe that my desire to have kids at the time was due to this nurturing drive. Today I would gladly take my kitties over kids. God knew what he was doing because I think I'm a great cat mom but I don't know if I could have done as well with human kids.
I questioned God many times but now I see what the future was for me. I have always had a strong love for animals as did my family. This was my destiny and I like it!! I just wish I could figure out a way to do more.
Because of all the kitties I am considered a little crazy by some. I'm sure they think deep down that in years to come I will be the geriatric old lady that eats cat food for dinner and eventually dies alone and her cats have her for dinner!
Whatever they want to think is fine with me because I like my cats a whole lot better than I like most people!!!

[amoore]

I want people to know my cats are very special to me! I don't like it if people that don't care for cats, acts like I should put them in a barn! At least , if they know thay are like my children to me. Then maybe they will not say crappy things about my cats to me. If they do they can leave! Anyone says one thing out of tone to me about my cat. I never speak to them again!

I guess my cats are like my children.

[Julie Grove]

Mmm.. interesting subject. I think that people have pets for a number of different reasons. There is an animal behaviourist, Dr David Sands, who believes that people have pets purely as a replacement for something. I am not sure about this one. For example, when us kids were growing up, my parents always bought us pets. We were never without pets. I can't see how that is a replacement for anything. To me, it is the completion of a family.

I think an example of a replacement is this very sad story. I am currently reading a book called Goodby Dear Friend. It is about grieving for a pet . One lady that features in this book wanted children but was told she could not have them. Some while after she bought a kitten who she named Feather. Feather was killed in an accident as a kitten. She was buried under the apple tree in the garden and this woman laid out in the garden nearly every day just to be close to Feather. Her grief was so immense that she disregarded everything and everyone in her life and her marriage was almost destroyed. She thought of nothing else and grieved for Feather for 9 long years until she was finally hospitalised. Even that didn't help. Eventually, she found the Church and this helped her a little. However, many years later she still grieves for Feather and every day she still places a fresh flower in a vase next to Feather's photograph in her memory. She claims that she will never get over losing Feather even though she does have two cats and a dog now. She just lives with her grief.

Gosh, I'm crying now.

[jazzcat]

Oh bisi.cat you and I sound very much alike. I've been married for over 13 years and we decided from the start that we did not want children. No one said much when I only had Ripley and Disney but when we got Jazz in Aug. of 2002 and then added Scout this past July the comments started. My in-laws have said things like "her clock is really ticking". It bothered me at first but now I just laugh with them. They truly will never understand and I've decided not to waste my time trying to explain since they have an entirely different view of what pets are. Maybe there is a little truth in it but it is strictly my "cat clock" ticking.

I really am not replacing a child with a cat. I don't do well with children and honestly they drive me crazy and have ever since I was a child myself. I'll take a cat any day!!

[kimlovescats]

Well, let's see how I can put this. I do have children, 2 daughters who I love very deeply (14 and 19). I had them at a very young age, my first I was only barely 20 when she was born. Yes, I was married, but only just 11 months when I conceived. Through the years I have always loved my girls, but I must say it has been a very taxing journey, especially when you add all of the grief I've been subjected to by their father (my ex-husband).

Today my youngest is a wonderfully well-adjusted young person, and I feel very comfortable about her future. My oldest, however, is a complete different story. She is the one who has all sorts of problems, and is now going through an extremely rebellious stage. She has moved out and is sponging off anyone she can find to support her. She just turned 19 yesterday as a matter of fact. Anyway, it is this child that was at a very impressionable age when her father and I divorced, and I guess I will always bear the guilt of her problems.

So, my point is this (I think ) I feel much like a failure when it comes to a human mom ..... in fact I really don't care to be around anyone's kids but my own, and have always felt this way. There are many days that I feel I should never have subjected my two girls to life with me as a mother. But, as God would have it, they were born to me, and I have been blessed by them.... I can only hope and pray that they will take something from me of value.

Cats..... I have always loved animals, and always dreamed of being a veterinarian or owning an animal shelter someday. However, I do feel that in recent years, since feeling much like a human mom failure, that it has become much more "comfortable" being a CAT MOM! They love you unconditionally and you can't mess them up too badly!

[Lixx]

I can't stand kids, as a general rule. Sure there's always a few good ones, but I just don't have the patience for most. Me & my fiance (sp) have been together for 4 years, and having just gotten engaged this christmas season, I have already been bombared with requests for nieces, nephews, grandchildren...... All I say is, I have my cats why would I need children? If they want them so bad , they can have them for me. (sorry to sound negetive, I'm sure there are lots of mothers/fathers that would disagree, but it's my life and I don't see kids in it)

[Lizz]

Our 22 cats/kittens, 2 boys at the bridge and 2 dogs are not 2 footed replacements for children they are our family, we have 11 domestic cats and 11 feral cats/kittens and 2 dogs all are special in their place in our family some have special needs - deaf dog, 3 legged cat, 1 eared cat, blind cat, no tail, severe heart defects and some nobody else wanted but with us they have a forever home and are loved and wanted, in fact in some cases they chose us.

They have enriched our lives so much and we have 7 nephews and 3 god children so have children all ages if we are that way inclined to borrow, slao I am 7 years older than my husband and was sterilised in my first marriage and he married me not my ability to produce and heir!!!

We love our furball family and also foster feral kittens and love our some what large eclectic family and it takes all sorts to make our world and in mine its furkids of all colours, creed and disability and I am proud to be owned by them all!!!

[kimlovescats]

Beautifully said, Lizz ... and WELCOME to Pet Talk!

[Lixx]

Welcome Lizz, Nice to meet someone who spells their name the same way I do.