A question about marriage....

[CathyBogart]

My boyfriend is planning to propose to me sometime this summer. I've heard totally different things from different people about couples living together before they get married. We would like to get a place together, but we're torn on if we should wait until we're married or go for it when I'm out of college.

What do you think? What would be the pros/cons of living together before marrying someone? Thanks!

[captain]

WolfChan,

I got married when I was 26 and my Dad said

No way in Hell are you living together first!!!

Soooooo,................... I don't know any different. I suppose you would get used to each other, but then again, it might become too comfortable and you end up getting irritated with all the little things ........... hmmmmmmmmm.

I can argue with myself like this for days .......

but I think YOU must do what YOU feel comfortable with. Perhaps start with weekends, and then see how living together progressses for you both.

[Kfamr]

Well I really shouldn't be using them as an example but Lauren (blustang24) and my brother have been boyfriend and girlfriend for a few years now.

They were together (as boyfriend and girlfriend) for about a year and then they moved in together.

They got in alot of fights while living together.

I think living together before marrying would be best since you'd know if you're actually able to live with that person. It would stop from having to maybe get divorced in the long run.

[Karen]

Planning and executing a wedding is one of the most stressful times, for good or worse, in a couple's life. Adding to that stress by living with each other doesn't seem like a smart thing to do! I've seen brides who get impossible to live with - even for themselves!

We did not live together before we were married, waited until I graduated from college, then got married that summer. Worked for us - here we are 16+ years later ... still together!

[tomkatzid]

August 1st is our 7 year anniv. We did not live together first.

[neko1]

Brian and I just recently got married. We've been living together since we were 20 (that's 6 years). We jumped from apartment to apartment for the first year we lived together and then we bought our house when we were 21. We've been together for 7 years and engaged for 5 years.

We've never had any problems living together. You really get to know a person by living with them and we have enjoyed it. It's been so much better than living with the parents.

[anna_66]

I don't know if this would count or not

Mark & I only knew each other 4 months before we were married & we lived together for about 1 1/2 months.

We've been very happily married now for almost 17 years

[Sara luvs her Tinky]

my opinion...

living with anyone... husband/roomate/boyfriend... is going to be hard. I know so many people who moved in with a friend and it really put a strain on the friendship.

I would say go ahead and get married first then move in together. I think it puts a little more excitement into the whole being a married couple anyway. There are always DOWNS and ups to moving in with someone and you shouldn't jeopordize the wedding by realizing too early that it is hard living with someone.

Me and my husband did not live together before we got married ,,, and it is probably a good thing.... I love my husband VERY MUCH... but it was HARD living with him at first.

[bnormal]

Not sure that their is a etched in stone correct answer or not. I think it has too much to do with the particular couple.

The pros of living together are that you really see how the other person is and whether you truly love them. The cons of living together are that you really see how the other person is and whether you truly love them!

My wife and I lived together for about a year before we got married. We've been married now for 13 years. Did it hurt/help? No.

However, my stock answer would be, "no". Do not live together before getting married. I think that part of the "fun" of newlyweds would be the "discovery" process of really getting to know each other on a new level. Doesn't the honeymoon lose a bit of its' luster if you pretty much know each other so well?

Of course I could be wrong!

Anyway....Good Luck and Congratulations!

[RubyMutt]

My boyfriend and I are planning on moving in together sometime in the near future, but we don't have any plans on getting married any time soon. I know I'm only 19, but we have our reasons. We've been together for 2 years. Starting in November I will be attending a University in a city called Federal Way which is over 50 miles away from Everett, the city I live in now. I have a decent paying job in Everett and would like to keep it. My boyfriend also might be attending the same school, but if not he will be going to a different one in Seattle - also a ways south of Everett. It would help both of us to live a little closer to the schools - probably somewhere around Seattle (that's about the mid point between Everett and Federal Way). We both could probably afford to live by ourselves, but BARELY. It would be much easier if we had two incomes. Plus, I don't really want to live all by myself. No one else I know is looking for a roomate right now... and I really don't want to become a roomie with someone I've never met before. Sorry for babbeling, I just thought I should explain my reasoning.
So obviously, I don't think it's a bad idea to live together before you're married. But like bnormal said, I'm sure it all depends on the couple.

[Tina]

My husband and I lived togather about 4 months before we got married. And we have been married almost 4 years now.


I really don't know if it is a good thing or not.

[Rottieluver45]

I think you should. I mean if you guys live together first you`ll be able to tell alot more if you want to marry him! And plus it won`t be so wierd a couple days or however long you honeymoon is gonna be, afterward.

[Cataholic]

I say you should live together...if you want to. I don't think you should get married, unless you want to. I think you should have kids, married or not, if you want to. Now, who told me I was a conservative?

[Logan]

Originally posted by Cataholic
I say you should live together...if you want to. I don't think you should get married, unless you want to. I think you should have kids, married or not, if you want to. Now, who told me I was a conservative?

I would definitely say you are NOT conservative, Johanna!!!

I'm old fashioned........I voted no, but I do not pass judgement on those who choose to do otherwise. I didn't do it either time around, but I would definitely discourage it when children are involved. It simply sends the wrong message, especially if it doesn't work out.

[Cincy'sMom]

I voted other...I think every situation is different and there is no right or wrong answer for everyone. Ralph and I lived together for about 3 weeks before we got married. We had been engaged for 11 months, my lease was up on my apartment end of Oct., our wedding date was Nov. 25. It was the best solution for us for those 3 weeks.

If I remember right, there was a study done in and couples who live together first actually have a higher divorce rate than those who do not.