The worst thing that could ever happen.....

Hi everyone,

I never ever wanted to post a topic on this subject but today I must...however, I don't even want to be on this site today. Looking at these faces makes it worse... Please, don't hate me. I'm scared to tell you all this and my husband didn't want me to put this up here for the world to read. He is afraid of the hate mail I might get...but I guess I would deserve it.

On my way to work this morning I hit a dog...hard. I was on a busy 6 lane street (3 each way) and was in the middle lane. There was a mini-van next to me and all of a sudden I saw him drop back and hit his horn, that's when I saw the little dog. He was so hard to see. Usually I am good at seeing them. Maddie is a perfect example! She is black and I saw her on a dark street at night!

The dog was standing on the edge of the left lane towards the middle lane and as soon as the van honked the dog got scared and he turned right towards the front of my car but it was too late. The speed limit on that road is 45 and I was going about 50. It was totally my fault. I just didn't see him until it was too late. When I hit the dog I lost control of my car and swerved over all 3 lanes of traffic...the worst thing is I didn't stop. I didn't know what to do and I couldn't look. I was already sick to my stomach and balling my eyes out and it was a busy street. I couldn't just stop. So, I decided to just get to work so I could call the police and tell them what happened.

Then this car comes speeding up behind me and all of a sudden this woman leans out the passenger side window screaming her head off at me. She kept calling me a bitch and then yelled "you blonde whore!" at me.. (sorry for the bad language.)I was stunned! It wasn't bad enough that I hit the poor dog, but to have her completely go off on me as her boyfriend/husband is driving just made me sick to my stomach. I was shaking so bad I could barely drive. If there was a hole I would have crawled into it and never come out.

I should have stopped, I should have seen the dog...and I can't change a thing. I am prepared for some harsh words - I hate myself for this.... I guess I just wanted to fess up about it. I might end up regreting this though....

[Tanya&Fritz]

It's not your fault. Please don't blame yourself. The dog shouldn't have been loose near a busy street. I know it must be devastating but don't be too hard on yourself. The dog was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

[Stenograsaurus]

Angel,
Don't be too hard on yourself. Accidents are called accidents for a reason. Hindsight is 20/20. Looking back you saw things you should have done (stopping) but at that time you were not thinking straight. You were traumatized. I cannot honestly say what I would have done in your shoes. I might have done the same thing. Who knows. I cetainly don't have a right to judge you. I am not perfect and I will not think any less of you for what you did, nor should anyone else. The woman screaming at you sounds like she is very immature and I wouldn't let her bother you. Just consider the source. Now, as hard as it might be, try to put this behind you and move on. You can't change the past. You can only learn from your mistakes and move on.

[ July 12, 2001: Message edited by: Stenograsaurus ]

[jackiesdaisy1935]

Oh Angel, please, please don't blame yourself it could happen to anyone. If anyone is to blame it is the person to whom the dog belongs for not properly taking care of it. We all know how much you love dogs and in that situation anyone would panic, I'm sure I would. It's punishment enough to relive something like that in your mind, please try not to keep blaming yourself. It was an accident.
As far as that woman who yelled at you, consider her one of the crazies!
We were leaving for Hawaii the next day and my husband was backing up the car in our yard and he hit our little Doxie, Maggie, we rushed her to the Vet but there was nothing he could do, it was an accident in our own yard. It was horrible, our daughter was so upset. Those things happen, sometimes we have no control over those kind of circumstances. Please, Please, don't blame yourself, It is hard to do but remember it was an ACCIDENT.
Jackie

[ July 12, 2001: Message edited by: jackiesdaisy1935 ]

[RachelJ]

Angel, please don't go through second guessing yourself. It was not your fault hitting the dog and on a six lane highway, I really doubt that you could have safely stopped and done anything. You could have been injured or killed yourself had you tried that. When you are driving you have to make snap judgements about what you can do or can't do. I doubt that driving 5 miles an hour slower would have changed what happened and my guess is that had you not hit the poor animal, someone else would have. It was just in the wrong place. I really feel this way, Angel. I am not just saying this because you are one of us.

Thank you so much everyone. I finally stopped crying (everyone at work was probably wondering on earth was wrong with me )

Every single second is constantly being replayed in my head so I am trying to just dive into work to get it off my mind. When I got here and called my husband to tell him I asked him to call the police for me because I could barely speak. I told him to give them my plate number and description of my car but they didn't want it I guess. It's not a crime... to them anyway The bad thing is that I have a personal plate so anyone who saw this this morning or sees me driving to work on some days will now know me and what I did. I always see the same people driving to work... that stinks. Guess I will find a new route.

What a nightmare. But, thanks to you guys I feel a little better. But, I did start crying again because you are all being so kind! Who would have ever thought you could find such loving people and companionship without ever meeting them face to face?

Spencer: I do live in Phoenix (well Mesa) and the growth IS unbelievable. Traffic is pretty bad but they are doing things about it...by building freeways and adding lanes to them.

[AdoreMyDogs]

Angel, how on earth could you think we would hate you for this most unfortunate accident? As Rachel said, you are one of us...we are all friends and we are hear for each other...especially in our times of greatest need. I am so very sorry, from the bottom of my heart, that you had to be the one to hit that dog. Everything happens for a reason, and although it may be hard to see the reason in this, if nothing more, it was to help you be brave and to help you be strong. And you never know the way God works, but maybe the person that would have hit the dog instead of you would not have been so lucky, skidded out, hit another car and killed multuple passangers....you just can't tell. Maybe the reason God chose you to hit that dog was because you were the strongest person around, and God knew you would be stronger and be able to handle it the best out of all of those drivers on that road at that time. It was not your fault. It was going to happen, whether it was you or someone else.

The woman who was screaming at you probablly felt some strong emotions and did not know how to express them, and getting angry was her way of getting rid of emotions. I think that woman has some major issues to work through, when someone should react with sadness and instead they blow up with anger, they have issues. I know it is hard, but please don't take offense to that womans outburst...I strongly feel that she has some major emotional problems.

Angel, we all have things we are ashamed of, whether or not we were at fault. 2 weeks ago I saw a pit bull mix running on the left hand shoulder of a freeway that has a speed limit of 65 but people fly on this freeway at 70-80MPH. I saw the dog too late, I could not swerve to the shoulder soon enough to rescue that dog off the freeway, my safety would have been at stake, and plus I had Graham in the car and I could not risk a major dog fight in my car...so I passed the dog leaving him/her to get hit. Yes I feel terrible, but I can't do anything about it now. I chose to pass that dog and that's what I did. I decided that I could not risk a serious car accident because I skidded to a halt to swerve onto a shoulder from doing 65-70 MPH. I am sure that dog got hit but it was not my fault, nor was it the fault of the person that probablly hit it.

Please don't beat yourself up, you are a kind, gentle animal lover and you should never forget that or doubt yourself. We are all here for you, don't worry about that.
It's absolutely not your fault.

[aly]

Angel, I couldn't read your whole post. I only read a few sentences because I am way too emotional to read things that might have a sad ending. BUT DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF! Everyone here knows what a sweet dog loving peson you are. And we all know how awful you must feel but try to remember that it was just a wrong place at the wrong time kind of thing. Stuff like that happens and no one can help it. Please don't feel so bad. I know I'd feel the exact same way as you but just try to feel better if you can. Everyone here supports you.

[sammi]

So sorry for you. Please listen to what the others have said and don't blame yourself or feel guilty - guilt can take its toll on a person. I don't think most people would know how they would react. I doubt if you could have stopped in 6 lanes of traffic without getting hit yourself. If you have trouble trying to forgive yourself do something anonymous for other pets to help them (donate some toys or treats to your local animal shelter). We are all pet lovers here and things sometimes just happen that we don't understand and what happened to you this morning is what every pet lover dreads happening to them so we have no reason to be mad. The lady that yelled at you either has a major problem or maybe she juat over reacted. Some years ago I had a dog that got hit by a car and I felt really bitter toward the person who was driving for awhile. I had no reason to be bitter except I was hurting inside. Will be thinking about you and pray for you.

[wolflady]

Angel, so sorry to hear about the accident! I know how traumatizing it can be, but nobody here blames you. We all love animals, and it's unfortunate when something like this happens. Believe me!! When I was in college, I was driving home and I hit an oppossum. It was dark, I didn't see the poor little guy in time and when I did...there were cars all around me so I couldn't move or get out of the way. If I had I would have caused a major accident and could have injured myself or other drivers and passengers. I cried all the way home that night and was so traumatized by it because I always used to feel anger against people that would hit animals on purpose (there were people in my hometown that did these kinds of horrendous things). However, this was an accident and there was nothing that I, or you could do in that moment in time. I agree that the lady that was yelling obsenities out the window must have some major issues, so don't let rude people get to you. You are a sweet kind hearted animal loving person and it's unfortunate that it had to be you behind the wheel. Give your babies and extra hug, and don't beat yourself up over it, girl!! Things will get better. Lots of *hugs* from me and my babies. We're thinking about you

[Sudilar]

Angel, I agree with everyone else. It was an ACCIDENT. You wouldn't have hit the dog, if you could have helped it! There was nothing you could have done. It ran out in front of you. You, yourself, could have been hurt. There was traffic out and I am familiar with the high speed roads in AZ. That woman was just emotional. She doesn't know how much you love animals. You are not at fault here. Where were the dog's owners?
Take care!
Sue

Oh my goodness. You are all so incredible. I wish I could meet each and every one of you and give you a hug. Thank you so much for understanding. I started crying again when I read through your responses. When it happened the first thing I thought of was calling my husband (he is always so sweet) and then telling you all.

I guess I was looking for reassurance. That woman really made me feel awful about not stopping. So, thank you all for helping me deal with this. Believe it or not you have all helped me get through my day. Now I just want to go home and sleep:! Crying really makes me tired.... I leave work in a couple of hours and I feel really creepy about getting in the car. But I have to do it.

One thing that has been going thru my mind all day is why was I chosen to have this happen. I'm not trying to say "why me" or anything...I guess I'm just curious as to why this happened to someone who loves animals - ALL animals - soooooo much. So, I know there must be a reason for it. Someday I will know why. I saved one dog from that fate and brought her into my home and I took another dog's life..... doesn't sound very fair does it?

I did think about volunteering at a shelter and such and making it my life's mission to save every stray I find! My husband won't like the latter of the two....

Thanks again everyone...your words really helped me.

[jackiesdaisy1935]

Angel, we are all tested every day in one way or another. Maybe this was the day that dog was to cross the Rainbow bridge and you were chosen to test your love of animals and to see how strong you could be under the worse of conditions. One has to be very strong to understand there was nothing you could do to stop that accident and to get on with your life. Go home and give Lexi, Sasha and Maddie a big hug and lots of kisses.
Remember what your signature says
"To err is human, to forgive is divine"
We all send lots of Daisy and Perry kisses
Jackie

[ July 13, 2001: Message edited by: jackiesdaisy1935 ]

[shais_mom]

I agree with everyone else, there was no way to prevent it. And as much as we are all animal lovers it would have been more devastating to us had you hurt yourself in the accident.
A friend of my sister's several years ago totalled her car by swerving to miss a big dog and she had a little Dodge Daytona, BUT she and her passenger were very injured, the passenger had to have extensive plastic suregery due to scars on her face and I think Renee' broke her wrist. My dad has always preached to me not to swerve unless its something big like a deer, horse, cow(which he hit while driving the semi once )
Of course, I still slow down for a bunny or cat. If you were on a busy 6 lane road, and tried to swerve to miss the dog, you could have killed or hurt yourself, or someone else. And I agree with Chuck, that lady must have been talking about herself!!! She probably wasn't even mad about the dog probably b/c you acted like you were going to stop.
If anyone sends you hate mail, forward it to us and we will deal with it!!!
And Its not the worst thing that could have happened, the worst thing would have been had something happened to you!!!!

[ July 12, 2001: Message edited by: shais_mom ]

[Pam]

Staci is absolutely right. The worst thing that could have happened would be if something happened to you! Things happen quickly and accidents happen. I know how badly and shaken you must have felt, but there was really nothing you could do. I ran over a squirrel one day. I was hoping that I missed him and as I drove past I looked out my rear view mirror and he was twitching in the road. I felt absolutely horrible! I was on my way to work and it really bothered me for the longest time. Just yesterday a cat ran out in front of me on a country road. Fortunately he was far enough ahead of me that I was able to brake and miss him. I have to say the first thought I had, after the initial relief that I missed him, was "why was he running loose?" I know this is a hot topic among cat people (whether or not to have inside or outside cats). My conviction is "an inside pet is a safe pet." Anyway, time to get off my soapbox and remind you that you are human and these things happen. Try not to let it get to you.