HOW TO PREPARE FOR A NEW PUPPY
1. Pour cold apple juice on the carpet in several places and walk around barefoot in the dark.
2. Wear a sock to work that has had the toes shredded by a blender.
3. Immediately upon waking, stand outside in the rain and dark saying, "Be a good puppy, go potty now - hurry up - come on, lets go!"
4. Cover all your best suits with dog hair. Dark suits must use white hair, and light suits must use dark hair. Also float some hair in your first cup of coffee in the morning.
5. Play "catch" with a wet tennis ball.
6. Run out in the snow in your bare feet to close the gate.
7. Tip over a basket of clean laundry, scatter clothing all over the floor.
v 8. Leave your underwear on the living room floor, because that's where the dog will drag it anyway. (Especially when you have company.)
9. Jump out of your chair shortly before the end of your favorite TV program and run to the door shouting, "No no! Do that OUTSIDE!" Miss the end of the program.
10. Put chocolate pudding on the carpet in the morning, and don't try to clean it up until you return from work that evening.
11. Gouge the leg of the dinning room table several times with a screwdriver - it's going to get chewed on anyway.
12. Take a warm and cuddly blanket out of the dryer and immediately wrap it around yourself. This is the feeling you will get when your puppy falls asleep on your lap.
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