Rant.

[Roxyluvsme13]

You don't have to read this or even reply, unless you have any helpful suggestions, because that'd be great, but I just need to get this out.

I'm so tired of my mother. I'm so tired of her bitching at me for everything I do, complaining how she's not going to stay here because she hates Knoxville so much, how I won't help her do anything, how horrible my animals are, how she's going to throw Brennan outside, and throw Bella back outside and get rid of Domino and Tallulah and all this other crap.

I am a full-time college student, therefore, I go to class 5 days a week. I come home every day because my mother refuses to take Brennan outside because "she can't handle him" and he's my responsibility and blahblahblah.

Okay, that'd be fine, EXCEPT...

Next year, I'm living on campus in an apartment with one of my really good friends. I told my mom this she was okay. I told her I was actually going to stay in my apartment and she got pissed at me. Because god forbid, she'll have to take care of Brennan and of course, that's apparently the end of the world. I know he's a handful, but if you work with him, he's not that bad. It's taking him out to pee and poop and giving him food and a couple of pills, not a big deal.

Brennan has been acting out a lot lately, he's been pooping in his crate and won't poop outside when I take him out, and today he's started the whole eating poop thing, and I'm disgusted, so my mom automatically says "He's going outside."

Um, no. I don't think so. I'm not putting him through what Roxy had to go through for 8 years of her life. Nope, notta. I'll leave before she throws Brennan outside, though there's no where for me to go.

Second, my mom is all the time complaining about how she feels worthless because she sits around the house all day, which I can understand, she wants to go out and do something and she can't right now because she doesn't have gas in her car and has a flat tire. Well, you know, she could get off her butt and go get a job, but will she do that? Nope. Because "no one will hire her" and she "Doesn't have a way to get there." Hello, I have a car, and I'm sure you could find some sort of job. Anything.

We're struggling for money enough right now as it is, mainly paying bills, keeping gas in my car, etc., but she won't do anything about it. You can't live off of child support for the rest of your life (Which is $200 a month, and is not enough to pay bills and keep us sufficient). I've been working my butt off trying to find a job so I can keep the animals fed and keep myself in gas, pay my phone bill, etc.

I'm just feeling really overwhelmed and stressed out. I feel like I'm the adult in this situation, though if you ask her, she's the adult and then we get into a big argument and all of this. I'm trying really hard to find a job, and I'm taking care of the animals with their food, vet bills, etc., but she's not doing ANYTHING. She feeds me and houses me right now, but I just want to leave and get out of here and go ANYWHERE but here where we argue all the time. I'm so sick of arguing and so sick of listening to her complain about everything and so sick of not having a job and being able to provide for myself so I can get out of here...

And yes, it was a bad time to take in another cat who is potentially pregnant, but I was hoping, oh so hoping that I'd be getting a call back about a job interview that I had. Well, guess if that doesn't happen then I'll have to find Bella a home along with her kittens if she is pregnant, but I just wish that things would get more positive for once instead of more negative.

Also, please don't yell at me or give me crap for any of this. I've already heard enough of it from my mom and berating myself. If anybody has any tips or suggestions or anything I can possibly do though, please feel free to share.

[Karen]

You mom sounds like she is dealing with Depression. Has she talked to any medical professionals about this? Or a counselor? Much of her behavior is textbook Depression. Is there a pastor or some other adult she respects you could talk to about getting her some help? This is not your fault, kiddo. Thanks for hanging in there, but she sounds like she needs professional help, not just a daughter and animals to vent on.

The flat tire and no gas are minor problems, one can put air in the tire and gas in the tank.

[Roxyluvsme13]

You mom sounds like she is dealing with Depression. Has she talked to any medical professionals about this? Or a counselor? Much of her behavior is textbook Depression. Is there a pastor or some other adult she respects you could talk to about getting her some help? This is not your fault, kiddo. Thanks for hanging in there, but she sounds like she needs professional help, not just a daughter and animals to vent on.

The flat tire and no gas are minor problems, one can put air in the tire and gas in the tank.

She hasn't, because she refuses to go to the doctor for anything. Well, that and she hasn't found a doctor since we've moved either. She had a really awesome one before we moved when she got diagnosed with diabetes and all of that. But now she won't go to one again, because she doesn't have one and complains about how we can't afford it, etc. (The one we had before was free, so I guess that's how we got her to go eventually). I tell her she needs to call her friends and talk to them or that we'd go out and do things, but she just won't... I guess depression could explain some of the stuff going on though. I just wish there was more I could or that I could actually get her to do something about it.

And yeah. But she's been giving her extra money to me to keep gas in my car so I can get back and forth to school every day. So she hasn't had money to get the hole in her tire patched or to put gas in her own car. :/

I feel really bad for getting angry over everything, but she's stressing me out and making me feel bad and taking everything out on me.


ETA: And I know she's stressed out/worried over money a good portion of the time, but that's what baffles me about why she won't try to get a job.

[mrspunkysmom]

All I can give you is my sympathy.

I can tell you from someone that suffers from depression and boatloads of stress, that inactivity and inaction is the worse thing for it. We get stuck in a rut and don't know how to lift ourselves out. I find that I have to take some action. I might not get the expected or wishful outcome but I feel better for trying. Have you tried talking to counselors to see what help is available for her. Knoxville should have a Job Service office, the main goal of which is to help you find a job and get the training.

Here are some links I searched for your mom and these night be helpful to you, too. I'm not sure what resources you have used, so I just researched anything helpful.

http://www.discoveret.org/jobserv/

http://www.knoxvilletennessee.com/social-svs.html

http://www.tn.gov/labor-wfd/jobseekers.html

http://www.tennhelp.com/

http://www.tn.gov/humanserv/rehab/vrs.html Don't overlook vocational rehabilitation. You would be surprised at what services they offer that might not be advertised. You are too young, but they can help your mother, especially if she was previously employed, and is sick because she's not seeing a doctor.

http://voices.yahoo.com/free-low-cos...d-3247153.html

http://www.freemedicalclinic.net/

http://www.interfaithhealthclinic.org/index.html

Visit some of these places and ask for help. If an organization can't help, they usually know who can.

Would your mom agree to a field trip to some of these places? What about intervention from some friends?



As far as your getting a job; hang in there. Getting refused for job offers is depressing. It destroys your self worth. Most of us want to be active, productive, contributing to the family and the world.

Brennan is probably picking up on the household stress. I think Sam was picking up on my stress which has never been that high.

Hang in there. Keep the faith. Rant all you want.

[Taz_Zoee]

I do not know anything about depression. But I can only imagine one question that is going through your mind reading the previous posts.........how am I supposed to confront her about her depression? That would just set off another arguement. At least that's what I'd be afraid of.

So here's my question to others out there. How can Bri approach this topic with her mom without making things potentially worse?

[Roxyluvsme13]

All I can give you is my sympathy.

I can tell you from someone that suffers from depression and boatloads of stress, that inactivity and inaction is the worse thing for it. We get stuck in a rut and don't know how to lift ourselves out. I find that I have to take some action. I might not get the expected or wishful outcome but I feel better for trying. Have you tried talking to counselors to see what help is available for her. Knoxville should have a Job Service office, the main goal of which is to help you find a job and get the training.

Here are some links I searched for your mom and these night be helpful to you, too. I'm not sure what resources you have used, so I just researched anything helpful.

http://www.discoveret.org/jobserv/

http://www.knoxvilletennessee.com/social-svs.html

http://www.tn.gov/labor-wfd/jobseekers.html

http://www.tennhelp.com/

http://www.tn.gov/humanserv/rehab/vrs.html Don't overlook vocational rehabilitation. You would be surprised at what services they offer that might not be advertised. You are too young, but they can help your mother, especially if she was previously employed, and is sick because she's not seeing a doctor.

http://voices.yahoo.com/free-low-cos...d-3247153.html

http://www.freemedicalclinic.net/

http://www.interfaithhealthclinic.org/index.html

Visit some of these places and ask for help. If an organization can't help, they usually know who can.

Would your mom agree to a field trip to some of these places? What about intervention from some friends?



As far as your getting a job; hang in there. Getting refused for job offers is depressing. It destroys your self worth. Most of us want to be active, productive, contributing to the family and the world.

Brennan is probably picking up on the household stress. I think Sam was picking up on my stress which has never been that high.

Hang in there. Keep the faith. Rant all you want.

Thank you . I'll look into some of these, though she went to a job thing (she has to for our food stamps) but didn't take it very seriously, so I don't know how she'd go about any of these other things. But I will still definitely check them out.

I do not know anything about depression. But I can only imagine one question that is going through your mind reading the previous posts.........how am I supposed to confront her about her depression? That would just set off another arguement. At least that's what I'd be afraid of.

So here's my question to others out there. How can Bri approach this topic with her mom without making things potentially worse?

This is a very good point. She's pretty touchy these days. Especially about herself.

[mrspunkysmom]

I do not know anything about depression. But I can only imagine one question that is going through your mind reading the previous posts.........how am I supposed to confront her about her depression? That would just set off another argument. At least that's what I'd be afraid of.

So here's my question to others out there. How can Bri approach this topic with her mom without making things potentially worse?

I don't know. I know that sometimes thing got to get worse before getting better. I know that doesn't make it any easier. I also know that Bri's mom has to make this decision herself. Sometimes it does help if you are forced to face the issues. Perhaps just start with getting her medical help and then bring up the depression and joblessness with her doctor. Once she starts feeling better she might want to do this herself.

Perhaps some friends can involve her in activities? Just throwing out ideas. I have friends I bounce ideas off of, and all over the world as well as local. I am getting ready to visit some friends before heading to Mass. Just want to check in on them, too.

Bri, some of those links can be helpful to you, too. Perhaps if you just bring home the literature she might get interested.

And only you can make this decision if you try to help her. But whatever action you take, let her know that it is because you love her and want her to feel good about what ever it is she is doing.

[Karen]

I would stress to her at the beginning that you love her, and want her to feel better about everything. Many people think Depression is just "feeling sad," when that doesn't cover it at all. It's a real medical problem, and affects every aspect of life. Do look at the links that were posted.

You know what? My cousin, now that I think of it, works for the state of Tennessee, in helping families. Let me email her and see if she has any thoughts, she's not too far away from you guys. either.

[Catty1]

Bri, you are being affected very much by this. Can you contact any of her friends and ask them to call her? If you have a doctor, or if there is some Mental Health Association or etc - even a Crisis Line - tell any or all of them what is going on.


I don't know about the law where you live, but here in Alberta if anyone says anything about wanting to kill themselves, the police can be called and they will break the door down if necessary and take the person to a hospital for an assessment.

Your mom has a choice - she can seek help voluntarily now, or wait til she has no choice in being taken for help.

I have dealt with depression myself - thank goodness it has been much better for years.

Anyway, seek help for yourself (for the problem you are having with your mom) and help may come her way.

HUGS

[Roxyluvsme13]

I just feel like talking about all of this with her isn't going to do anything. I've tried to get her to go to doctors for years, and she had to make that choice on her own. I think she's going to have to realize that if she needs help, she's going to need help. I can't force it on her. She's really stubborn and it just won't work.

And she's happy most of the time, so that's why I sort of doubt it's even depression. She's just having a rough time in life, and things don't always seem so optimistic, but I'm just not 100% convinced she is legitimately depressed... I think she just needs to get out of the house and do some things with friends, find her purpose. I've been trying to get her to start painting again (I bought her all sorts of paints, canvasses, an easel, etc.) to occupy her time with, but she also has pain issues (arthritis) and diabetes, of course, so I think that's why she hasn't been doing that yet...

I just feel really at a loss of what to do. She's not going to listen to me about any of this, I'm almost 100% sure of that.

Maybe we just need some time apart to do our own thing. We were both fine when I was at UT and she was 2 hours away last year.

I think she's bored, lonely, and frustrated moreso than anything.

[Karen]

I emailed my cousin, and she gave me some info for you. I'll PM you, okay?

[Cataholic]

Children (and you are, IMO, still a child ) shouldn't have to raise their parents. That must stink for you. If I were you, I would try my hardest to find homes for all the animals- as much as I know that pains you- and move out. Anywhere. In a 1 room efficiency if you have to, and live on student loans.

Your #1 job- Bri- is getting an education so that you are not dependent on another person in your life. You are not 'turning your back' on her (frankly, I think she has treated you shabbily for a while), you are making the most of your life. It isn't your responsibility to get her to seek mental or physical help, to put food on your table, or anything else. She should be doing all that for you (provided that she is financially able). I can't imagine stressing, at your age, about food and gas, and whether my parent was getting out of the house that day or not. Good grief.

If she wants to get help, she is an ADULT. She can and will get help. Otherwise, she is going to bring you down with her.

[Roxyluvsme13]

Children (and you are, IMO, still a child ) shouldn't have to raise their parents. That must stink for you. If I were you, I would try my hardest to find homes for all the animals- as much as I know that pains you- and move out. Anywhere. In a 1 room efficiency if you have to, and live on student loans.

Your #1 job- Bri- is getting an education so that you are not dependent on another person in your life. You are not 'turning your back' on her (frankly, I think she has treated you shabbily for a while), you are making the most of your life. It isn't your responsibility to get her to seek mental or physical help, to put food on your table, or anything else. She should be doing all that for you (provided that she is financially able). I can't imagine stressing, at your age, about food and gas, and whether my parent was getting out of the house that day or not. Good grief.

If she wants to get help, she is an ADULT. She can and will get help. Otherwise, she is going to bring you down with her.

I can't just leave and move out though is the problem... I can't do that to my mom . She raised me and fed me for 19 years of my life, and she still feeds me and gives me a place to stay, I just wish that she'd try to get a job and actually do something. Or at least apply for disability, anything to get money, because depending on child support isn't exactly working out, and I know she can't do this forever. When I have the money I help her with bills, and she gives me gas money when she has it from the child support checks, but I hate wondering how I'm going to get to school some days or how I'm going to pay for my phone bill, or any of that. I'm going through my stuff right now and selling some of it to try to get some extra money to pay my phone bill, then I guess I'll have to go through some more stuff to get extra gas. I can't even go hang out with my friends because I don't have the gas to do it, and I know that's always a little bit of a stress reliever for me.

I just feel really lost at what to do. I'm 95% sure I'll be spending a lot of time at my apartment next year so I don't have to worry about this stuff.

[lizbud]

I don't want to say anything bad about your mom. She is your mom & you love her.
But, child support is money to support you, not for use to support a household. I'm sorry
that you have these worries at this stage of your life. Prayers for both you & your mom.

[Cataholic]

Why is your mom still receiving child support for a 19 year old? If NO child support was coming in, there would be NO income coming into the house? Your thought process, "she did this for this long, now I have to take this..." is seriously flawed. If someone was good to you for ten years, do you allow them to beat you for the next 5? Different set of facts, but same thing.

Parents DO 'owe' it to their children to raise them. She wasn't doing you a favor by feeding and clothing you, Bri. She owed you that. She didn't go any extra mile. Food, shelter..those are considered basic necessities, not doing someone a favor. Staying with someone, in what sounds like a unhealthy environment, because they gave you food/shelter at some point isn't really a strong argument.

I know this sounds mean...but, really....you are going to go down with her. And, that stinks.