Mediation/Arbitration????

[Queen of Poop]

Has anyone used mediation/aribitration in divorce?

We are approaching the "dark side" to see if he would participate in it to get this thing over with.

We sent a letter and settlement to the "dark side" over a month ago and no response. My lawyer suggested we try this avenue before court. This things been ongoing for getting close to 2 years now. It needs to end. There's a couple of doggies at the local rescue that I know would love to live with Cali, Diego and I. Need to be done, need to get a house and out of the condo and make some doggies really, really happy.

[wombat2u2004]

Has anyone used mediation/aribitration in divorce?

We are approaching the "dark side" to see if he would participate in it to get this thing over with.

We sent a letter and settlement to the "dark side" over a month ago and no response. My lawyer suggested we try this avenue before court. This things been ongoing for getting close to 2 years now. It needs to end. There's a couple of doggies at the local rescue that I know would love to live with Cali, Diego and I. Need to be done, need to get a house and out of the condo and make some doggies really, really happy.

This is all dragging on too much mate. It must be taking it's toll on you emotionally.
I'd give the mediation a go, and maybe some orders can be issued that must be complied with....or else !!!!

[robinh]

I'd say to give it a try. At this point it couldn't hurt. This guy is a piece of work. Sounds like he's only doing this to keep you guessing.

Would be wonderful for you to be able to start your new life in your own home with Cali, Diego and maybe a new friend.

[kuhio98]

Sorry, I don't have any experience with mediation or arbitration.

It sounds to me like he's dragging it out to torture you -- and because he thinks you'll want to get it over with and resolved so badly that you'll agree to his unfair demands.

[pomtzu]

I can't imagine going thru all the crap that you're going thru. When I got my divorce (uncontested), I paid $100 to file the papers with family court, and I had my divorce decree in the mail in less than 2 months. My ex even reimbursed me half of the filing fee. You can tell he was heartbroken over the whole thing - right???

[mon]

I don't like the sound of this either. Not one bit. Trust your instincts and follow through with the most rational plan ya got. Then get a restraining order or move as far away as possible so you never have to deal with his sorry ass again.

[Catty1]

Gayle, I have no experience either. I wish there was something to charge him with, or a court-mandated psych evaluation.

If anything - arbitration. When the arbitrator sees the facts - financial and otherwise - in front of them, it will be a no-brainer.

[Queen of Poop]

Thanks for the comments and support all. Yes Wom, it's taking a huge emotional toll. I found an outlet in running and I'm now up to 10 kms at a stretch, any less and it's not enough to make me feel better. But even that isn't enough to stave off the depression and frustration. I'm not giving up, I know that's what he wants and its NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! I gave up enough during the marriage, I'm done with that. So we will try this and see, maybe he'll settle rather than take his chances on mediation/arbitration. If not and he won't play ball it's off to court we go. We'll see how sympathetic a Judge is to his plight then! I'm already in for over $15,000.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

I went to one meeting on my own to find out about mediation and decided that it would be a total waste of money.

Mine seems to be taking just as long so take comfort in the fact that you are not alone

[Queen of Poop]

I went to one meeting on my own to find out about mediation and decided that it would be a total waste of money.

Mine seems to be taking just as long so take comfort in the fact that you are not alone

I'm sorry you're "on hold" too. I'm so depressed over it. I had so hoped to have my own home last summer, but that didn't happen, so set my sights on this summer and now it looks like that won't happen either. I'm really struggling with this calamity right now.

As an update, there was no response from the "dark side" to the mediation offer so it looks like we will be forced to do a court filing to try to end this once and for all.

As he said when we asked to sever the divorce from the settlement "there's no good reason to", should I be expecting a fabulous 10th anniversary present later this month, seeing as we are still married? I'm thinking not, but who knows.

[Karen]

Hopefully a judge will see all the delay tactics for what they are, and give you a quick resolution once you get to court. We will be ready to celebrate with you that day, never fear!

[wombat2u2004]

I went to one meeting on my own to find out about mediation and decided that it would be a total waste of money.

Mediation works if you both want it to happen and are both eager to settle and be finished with the whole business. Failing that of course, there's always
court.
But one must consider the costs involved. Court costs and legal representation can cost lots and lots, so sometimes it's more beneficial for both parties to come to some sort of amicable agreement, and mediation is a way of doing that. A bit of give and take can save a lot of time and money.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Mediation works if you both want it to happen and are both eager to settle and be finished with the whole business. Failing that of course, there's always
court.
But one must consider the costs involved. Court costs and legal representation can cost lots and lots, so sometimes it's more beneficial for both parties to come to some sort of amicable agreement, and mediation is a way of doing that. A bit of give and take can save a lot of time and money.

You would think so wouldn't you but not in our case - they couldn't grasp that the only financial bit involved would be the house, neither of us wanted shares of pensions and whatever.......seems they didn't have forms for that

[Cataholic]

In the American system- mediation is exclusively within the control of the two parties. The mediator (or mediators) is nothing but a go between, a facilitator, a neutral, party. Mediation is non-binding, though any settlement reached is still a settlement.

Arbitration is like a pseudo court/trial. One arbitrator (or three..usually odd numbered) is given exclusive control over the proceedings. You present evidence (though very relaxed in standard) to the arbitrator(s), and a decision is rendered. It can be binding or non-binding.

PT- sounds like you had a bad experience with arbitration, as in mediation (at least in the US) if it wasn't an issue to either party, it wouldn't be an issue to a mediator. Their job is to facilitate, not 'rule'.

I think both have HUGE benefits- one of which is the cost of legal representation at a ARB/Med vs. a trial, is usually way less. I encourage any one that comes to me to look at that as a possibility. Many people simply (and stupidly) don't want to do that. They have seen too much Judge Judy and the like to think that court is 'better'. It is rarely 'better'.

[wombat2u2004]

You would think so wouldn't you but not in our case - they couldn't grasp that the only financial bit involved would be the house, neither of us wanted shares of pensions and whatever.......seems they didn't have forms for that

No forms ???? Oh dear. Your system must be run by greedy lawyers.
Here in Aust you can download all the order forms on the net, fill them in, submit them at the local courthouse for the judge to read, and if he thinks it's fair, then he stamps and signs them......matter ended.
But the two of you must agree to an amicable split, and a share of the assets that you are both OK with. This can be done with a mediator, or without. It's up to both of you.
If you both seek legal representation, then the whole thing will get drawn out.
It will take lots of time and cost you lots of money, and you will end up with less than you had to begin with.
My last divorce ??? Cost me a $45 fee to submit the orders to court....divorce order, property settlement, and child custody order.
Get wise Denise, settle it amicably with ex hubby.