GED test?

[RICHARD]

Got this in an email..

WARNING!!! All active or retired educators should not read these responses to GED questions as most of us hate to see teachers cry in despair.

Simply Amazing!



The following questions were set in last year's GED examination
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)............and they WILL breed.

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)

Q.. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U.. (wtf!)

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas

Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant)

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

[blue]

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Engrish.com?

[Medusa]

They're hilarious but I'm not buying that 16 year olds wrote the answers. I think someone else did b/c some are just downright witty although incorrect in the strictest sense, especially the ones about sour milk, Caesarean and terminal illness. They're still funny no matter who wrote them.

[pomtzu]

Priceless!

I can almost imagine my 14 yr old grandson coming up with a few of those answers.....

[Marigold2]

I don't know people are pretty dumb. If teachers are sad about this they need to stop passing the kids on to a higher grade so that we don't have 16 year olds that can't read.
Call the parents in and make them responsible for their idiot off spring.
If a 16 year old can't read how does the parent not know?
I remember a man saying to me that his grandson graduated and couldn't read, he was so upset. Well duh didn't mom and dad notice? Guess not.
Parents need to be made accountable for their kids and teachers need to start calling parents and letting them know that junior is not too bright.

[Twisterdog]

Funny stuff.

But absolutely NOT questions on the GED. I've spent the last few months helping a friend study for the GED and take the practice tests, and there are no questions on there even remotely in this format. Come on ... "Name the four seasons?" on a high school equivalency test? Maybe first grade.

I've seen quite a few of these before, in various joke emails.

[Bonny]

No child left behind is the theory today. They pass them even though they can't read or write. There are special federal & state programs that can test these kids with the parents permission. Sometimes they have learning disabilities & need one on one experience. Sometimes the parents won't allow them to be tested & think there is nothing wrong when there is something wrong. They feel their child will be labeled if they are put into a special needs program. Maybe the parents are just as frustrated as the teachers & school system are with their child. The teachers spend more time with behavior problems in the classroom so that takes away the time to learn the 3 r's. There are some people that never learn to read my grandmother & a cousin never learned to read. It can be an brain to eye disability. My cousin is very intelligent & hearing things read to him he learns that way & his area of strength is math. He has done very well for himself in life.