SO sad...is there no one without a skeleton?

**Catty1** · 01-26-2010, 09:02 PM

An elderly couple I know are dying, within days of each other from the looks of it.

I just talked to their daughter, who I have been in touch with for some time, and have met on visits down there.

There will be no funeral.

Even though there has been forgiveness, and repentance on the dad's part (as far as he could understand what his wrong had been)...

Anyway, turns out that these people that I really love and they loved me too...the dad was sexually abusing his daughters and granddaughters. One of the grandaughters stayed over there while I was there...and now I am sick thinking about what might have been happening in what I believed was a happy home. These two people were 'there' for me. I am glad that the daughters have maintained love while hating the actions...but as the one daughter told me tonight, there is this little girl inside wanting them to be the parents she needed.

Once they are dead, that little girl will be at peace.

And another friend who died in Novemeber...hundreds of pictures of little girls, no clothes...that hard drive has gone to the police. This is a person we loved and supported and raised money for.

And another friend, over a year ago...after he died, gay porn pics showing up on his computer. Doubt he acted out. But still. Legal, but still shocking.

You think you know and love people...and the shadow does know, I guess.

I'm just in shock...just needed to vent, and thought this one should be in the Dog House.

**Alysser** · 01-26-2010, 09:38 PM

Aw, I am so sorry you found this out. I can understand the shock and hurt you feel right now. I really don't believe there's anyone without a skeleton, whether it be big or small, there has got to be at least one. I also believe we know we have 'em but don't really want to admit or realize it.

**wombat2u2004** · 01-27-2010, 01:45 AM

Ya never can tell what happens behind closed doors Candace.
There are good people in the world and bad, the problem is distinguishing between the two.

Originally Posted by Catty1

An elderly couple I know are dying, within days of each other from the looks of it.

I just talked to their daughter, who I have been in touch with for some time, and have met on visits down there.

There will be no funeral.

Even though there has been forgiveness, and repentance on the dad's part (as far as he could understand what his wrong had been)...

Anyway, turns out that these people that I really love and they loved me too...the dad was sexually abusing his daughters and granddaughters. One of the grandaughters stayed over there while I was there...and now I am sick thinking about what might have been happening in what I believed was a happy home. These two people were 'there' for me. I am glad that the daughters have maintained love while hating the actions...but as the one daughter told me tonight, there is this little girl inside wanting them to be the parents she needed.

Once they are dead, that little girl will be at peace.

And another friend who died in Novemeber...hundreds of pictures of little girls, no clothes...that hard drive has gone to the police. This is a person we loved and supported and raised money for.

And another friend, over a year ago...after he died, gay porn pics showing up on his computer. Doubt he acted out. But still. Legal, but still shocking.

You think you know and love people...and the shadow does know, I guess.

I'm just in shock...just needed to vent, and thought this one should be in the Dog House.

**Catherinedana** · 01-27-2010, 08:06 AM

Consenting adults can do as they please. Gay porn is no big deal in my book. He hasn't hurt anyone and if he was married, obviously he kept a good secret for a very long time. I rather feel sorry for him if he lived a life that was really not his own all that time. And his wife, since the marriage was a lie. That's unfortunate.

BUT - child abuse, especially within the family, a trusted father or grandfather. . .no excuse.

I give the daughter much credit for moving forward with her life and forgiving, but he does not deserve a memorial, nor does his wife if she allowed it to happen and never acted. Hard time believing that she wouldn't have known. His memory should be erased and those beautiful ladies lives cleansed of his deeds. I only wish it were that easy. I can't believe that someone can behave that way and not know it is wrong. . .can someone explain that to me?

Catty - I'm so sorry that you have found skeletons in closets of people you loved. Life is unkind that way. I guess this is part of your lesson here on earth. You loved the side of these people that you knew and there was no way that you could see through them to into their darkness. That isn't your place anyway. Live in the light as you always have.

Cathy

**Cataholic** · 01-27-2010, 09:51 AM

Gosh, I so agree with Catherinedana. Gay porn is legal. Child abuse goes beyond anything I can imagine, and doesn't belong in the same arena with gay porn.

I imagine that every ounce of love I ever felt for someone would be gone in an instant if I learned of child abuse, and I think sexual abuse is particularly heinous.

I am sorry that you have discovered such shortcomings in people.

**Catty1** · 01-27-2010, 11:10 AM

I know gay porn is legal; it was just an example of finding out something no one had a CLUE about after the person was dead. He was totally enamoured of my best friend for several years, and she loved him dearly, but not as a boyfriend.

The elderly dad passed away last night. As his daughter said, she could still love her parents, but hate what they did (mom obviously didn't help the girls). The little girl inside her can be at peace from yearning to have the parents she needed and never had. In the case of the daughter and grandaughters, forgiving means freedom for them. The dad repented as honestly as he could; perhaps he did so after his dementia started.

The thought came to me some time overnight that whatever good and love there was in them, that I was blessed to know and share it. People are rarely totally evil or totally good.

The small town in Washington State where I met them - I will not allow this to steal the beauty, and the idyllic times I spent there. That area of the state is nothing short of stunning, truly God's country.

And I now have a friendship with the daughter, and am welcome to stay with them any time.

I'm rambling, and will leave off now. Thanks folks.

ETA: the mom passed away this morning at about 6:30 am. Let the healing continue, begin anew.

**king2005** · 01-27-2010, 01:08 PM

So sorry to hear

The gay thing isn't an issue in my books, Even if he was married the gay thing might have just been a fantasy. A lot of people have them but never ever ever ever want to act on it, other do.

**moosmom** · 01-27-2010, 05:27 PM

There was a doctor in Ct, Dr. Reardon, who lived in a beautiful house in West Hartford. Dr. Reardon died and his house was sold. The new owners went to break down a wall to open up an area. They found THOUSANDS of slides of children in all forms of undress and in sexually explicit poses. The families of the children are now suing his estate, as well as St. Francis Hospital, where he was on the board and was also a practicing physician there.

All sorts of adults are coming out of the wood work now, claiming they were abused and photographed by this guy.

UGH!!!

**Marigold2** · 01-30-2010, 08:31 PM

This is so sad. So sad. One truly never knows a human or a monster in a human's body. That is why I always say I would rescue an animal before a human.
Knowing what you do, will you remain friends or have you not gotten that far yet? You must be in shock.

**Catty1** · 01-30-2010, 09:21 PM

Marigold...this couple died, within 8 hours of each other. He was 86, she was five days shy of 86.

I had phoned their daughter at the hospice, and we had a good talk...that is when I found out about the past abuse.

I had had a good phone conversation, if short, with the mom a few days previously. If I had known before - would I still consider them friends? Hard to say. They both were there for me after a horrible night at a music gig I had in their area.

As their daughter said, to paraphrase, the Lord has now somehow made all things new and right again.

**Pawsitive Thinking** · 02-23-2010, 10:06 AM

Originally Posted by Catty1

As their daughter said, to paraphrase, the Lord has now somehow made all things new and right again.

Brave girl

**pomtzu** · 02-23-2010, 10:39 AM

Candance - I'm not defending anyone here - but do you know what was said about this old man to be an absolute fact? Are you hearing it from just the one daughter, or are there more people saying the same thing? Sometimes, for whatever reasons, stories can get fabricated when the "guilty" person can no longer defend himself.

I'm not saying that happened in this case, but it would give me something to think about if I were in your shoes.

**Catty1** · 02-23-2010, 10:47 AM

pomtzu - I know what you mean. When I look back over the years, there were hints...when the one grandaughter I knew well grew up and got married, Pappy and Jennie told me her husband wouldn't let her visit them. They figured he was a Christian man, so the GD did as told.

The last visit I had with them, Pappy sat down and told me about his time in the war - doing guard post in the Asian theatre, waiting for the slightest sound, you'd have to shoot in the dark or get shot...he admitted to hitting Jennie at least once after he got back, he was in such bad shape.

"Pappy, she doesn't need to hear this," Jennie said.

"Yes, Jennie," I said, "I do." I thought it was more I needed to hear from our veterans what war and their lives were like. I recently thought that there was more Pappy would have told me, but dementia was just starting to take hold.

I have known the daughter and her husband too; Pappy and Jennie lived in the other half of their house, that was renovated for them. These are not people to make things up.

I talked to the daughter on the phone - she was with her parents 24/7 at the end; so was her husband, supporting her, getting food for her. She thought she had told me.

After their deaths, she emailed me the link to their obit, and asked if I would post in their guest book. She had had a total change of heart, flooded with forgiveness. Her parents had ministered to many, many other people through the years, including some individuals in jail. (Pappy was a raunchy teen and young man, and knew a bit of jail.).

There were two postings there, and then there was mine. They had lived in a small town...and I guess no one cared to post, not even people from their church.

God's figured it all out by now.

**pomtzu** · 02-23-2010, 11:05 AM

It just seems odd that she would wait all these years, and until he was dying, to say anything.

I just hope that both the old man, and the daughter, are now at peace.

**Catty1** · 02-23-2010, 11:10 AM

She thought she HAD told me...she told me (again) when I called her at the hospice. Maybe I just didn't "hear" it at the time.

What brought the subject up was when I asked about the funeral, and was told there wouldn't be one. She said she couldn't get up in front of all those people and lie...I was puzzled, and the story came out. She honestly thought I knew.

But as she said lately, as I paraphrased:

As their daughter said, to paraphrase, the Lord has now somehow made all things new and right again.

ETA: I have known this family since the 1980's.