Just in....terrorist threat

[wombat2u2004]

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to
"Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
"Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit
Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody
Nuisance." The last time the English issued a "Bloody Nuisance"
warning level was during the great fire of London in 1666.

The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get
the Bastards" They don't have any other levels. This is the reason
they have been used on the frontline in the British army for the last
300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in
France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by
a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively
paralysing the country's military capability.


It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly"
to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain:
"Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful
Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also
have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only
threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new warships ready to deploy.
These beautifully designed ships have glass bottoms so the new Spanish
navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of
their allies, just in case.

New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to
"BAAAA!". Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the airforce being a
squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some
toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more
level of escalation, which is " I hope Australia will come and
rescue us". In the event of invasion, New Zealanders will be asked to
gather together in a strategic defensive position called "Bondi Beach".

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"
to "She'll be all right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain,
"Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and
"The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use
of the final escalation level......

[aTailOf2Kitties]

oh yeah, this is gonna get real good.....

[Lady's Human]

If we start hiring more military contractors and subcontracting out retired generals to CNN, though, it's really time to watch out!

[Grace]

The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get
the Bastards" They don't have any other levels. This is the reason
they have been used on the frontline in the British army for the last
300 years.

I beg to differ - do you not remember the bagpipes?

As a musical instrument of war, the Great Pipes of the Highlands were without equal, according to historians. The shrill and penetrating notes worked well in the roar and din of battle and pipes could be heard at distances up to 10 miles. Because of the importance of the bagpipes to any Highland army, they were classified as an instrument of war by the Loyalist government during the Highland uprising in the 1700s. After the defeat of Bonnie Prince Charlie in 1745, kilts and bagpipes were outlawed, the pipes being classified as instruments of war.

[RICHARD]

The Mexican government announced that they will take the proper measures 'manana'!

[Lady's Human]

I beg to differ - do you not remember the bagpipes?

As a musical instrument of war, the Great Pipes of the Highlands were without equal, according to historians. The shrill and penetrating notes worked well in the roar and din of battle and pipes could be heard at distances up to 10 miles. Because of the importance of the bagpipes to any Highland army, they were classified as an instrument of war by the Loyalist government during the Highland uprising in the 1700s. After the defeat of Bonnie Prince Charlie in 1745, kilts and bagpipes were outlawed, the pipes being classified as instruments of war.

True, but the Scots were not all in rebellion, and have served as front line units of the armies of Great Britain and the UK since 1700.

[Lady's Human]

In the meantime, French military planners are discussing surrender terms with the Germans the Russians just to make sure all of their options are covered.

[wombat2u2004]

Hmmmmm.....but the poms have always shoved everyone else but themselves out front, they even done that with us Aussies. The front lines are always where the most slaughter happens, and the poms are left to finish off the enemy. Always has been that way.
I spent two years with the Royal Highland Fusiliers in Malaya, they were all just wet nosed kids from the streets of Glasgow. They had very little regard for the English, as they remembered times when they were used only as front line bait.
Wom

I beg to differ - do you not remember the bagpipes?

As a musical instrument of war, the Great Pipes of the Highlands were without equal, according to historians. The shrill and penetrating notes worked well in the roar and din of battle and pipes could be heard at distances up to 10 miles. Because of the importance of the bagpipes to any Highland army, they were classified as an instrument of war by the Loyalist government during the Highland uprising in the 1700s. After the defeat of Bonnie Prince Charlie in 1745, kilts and bagpipes were outlawed, the pipes being classified as instruments of war.

[Marigold2]

Very funny!!!!

[smokey the elder]

Then there's Lewis Black's 3-level alert system which is definitely not suitable to repeat here!

[wombat2u2004]

Then there's Lewis Black's 3-level alert system which is definitely not suitable to repeat here!

Nope, never heard of that one.
PM it to me....hee hee
Wom

[RICHARD]

After the defeat of Bonnie Prince Charlie in 1745, kilts and bagpipes were outlawed, the pipes being classified as instruments of war.

I guess I'd be a little miffed about guys running about in skirts, blowing into a bladder made of dead animals?


Dude can you pick up a claymore and lend a hand, instead?

[Puckstop31]

I guess I'd be a little miffed about guys running about in skirts, blowing into a bladder made of dead animals?


Dude can you pick up a claymore and lend a hand, instead?

You clearly have never been forced to endure a "serenade" by a group of bagpipes. LOL

[Catty1]

A true and amusing story: A few years ago, a friend of mine went to Austrailia. At Customs, he was asked if he had a criminal record.

His response: "Is that still a requirement?"

He almost didn't get his holiday!

[wombat2u2004]

A true and amusing story: A few years ago, a friend of mine went to Austrailia. At Customs, he was asked if he had a criminal record.

His response: "Is that still a requirement?"

He almost didn't get his holiday!

Hee hee......I'll tell you a little bit of history here...............
When Australia was first colonised as a penal settlement, the British soldiers knicknamed the convicts "Pommies".....the short form of that POME, means Prisoners Of Mother England.
But the system the Brits had in place here, was that the harder a convict worked, the more food and tobacco he received.......the average British soldier who were guards etc etc....received a ration a food and tobacco that was almost hardly anything, and on top of that, once posted here, the Brits were never allowed to go back to Britain.
So we had a situation where the British soldiers had to trade favours for food
with the convicts....the convicts naturally had the goodies, and of course the upper hand.
The knickname POME soon became the knickname of those poor British soldiers, who were a actually the TRUE Prisoners of Mother England........and ever since then, and to this day....we call the Brits...... Pommies.....or the shirt form...POMS.
I guess it's just another one of those situations that backfired on the Brits, and of course........there has been heaps of those instances....LOLOLOL
Wom