My mom's sister is dying. What can I do for her?

[Catty1]

My aunt is the first of the 4 sisters and 1 brother to pass away. My mom has survived the loss of her husband in 1996, and her younger daughter in 2006. It's sadly ironic that I have lost a sister and she hasn't yet.

I know this is a loss unlike any other. I will ask her what I can do. But she'll be grieving this one alone. Hopefully she will head to Winnipeg later where her other two sisters are.

I will be there for her, of course. But any ideas? In some ways I feel lost...and sad for my aunt.

Thanks.

[Freedom]

Some people want to talk about it, talk it through, some don't. Some do for some people and not for other people. Be prepared if your mom wants to talk, about what is happening, or about when they were kids, etc. And if she doesn't want to talk, don't push.

Can't think of anything else just now.

[Alysser]

When experiencing grief, there is sometimes just nothing you CAN do but be there for the person. Having experienced grief myself, I didn't want to talk with anyone when it happened about it for awhile. I still hate talking about it. Grief is a very private thing, everyone greives differently. All you can do, honestly, is be there for her.

((hugs)) & many thoughts going to your mom at this time. I am so sorry for your losses.

[Queen of Poop]

I am very sorry.

My moms sister is also dying. Lung cancer and we don't know how much time she has left.

My sister left this world in 1986 so I've been without her a long time.

Maybe ensure your mom doesn't have survivors guilt. That has been my biggest burden.

[phesina]

I am so very sorry, Candace.

All I can think of that you can do, as others have already said, is be with her in her grief and let her know how much you love her.

Does your aunt live near you and your mom? If so, you could maybe help your mom out with ordinary tasks, such as picking up groceries or looking after her pets, so she can spend more time with her sister? Or help your aunt and/or her caretakers if any with their chores?

I know you love your mother and your aunt both very much, and they both know that too and draw great comfort from it.

[Catty1]

Hi, Pat:

My mom lives near me - I booked her flight online and printed out her boarding pass and will take her to the airport tomorrow morning. I am concerned about what I can do for my mom - she is losing a sister! - and she said just what I am doing now, helping her get there etc.

The kennel where I used to work - her kitty is there again, and she noticed the daily fee wasn't as high as last time! I think Holly and Ted gave her a break.

My aunt is in Kamloops. About an 8 hr drive, 1 hr flight. Apparently she had a pretty good day today, but the doctors say it won't last. Her other sister is visiting son, DIL and grandkids in Halifax - and just CANNOT get any flights out til Wednesday! They are praying she rallies for a bit!

What I did tonight was print some Christmas pics on a piece of writing paper, and I will send her a note with my mom tomorrow. Also, am about to put a few pics on CD for her to see if someone can beg, borrow or steal a laptop!

Thanks all.

[Kirsten]

I'm very sorry to hear this Candace!

What I did tonight was print some Christmas pics on a piece of writing paper, and I will send her a note with my mom tomorrow. Also, am about to put a few pics on CD for her to see if someone can beg, borrow or steal a laptop!

That is a good idea!

Like the others have said, grief is a very personal thing, a road one must go alone. What you can do is offering a helping hand, letting her know that you're there to support her when she's ready to accept that support, but also leave her the room to deal with this in her own personal ways.

I sure hope they're going to be some quality time left for your aunt to spend with her sisters!

Kirsten

[phesina]

Candace, it sounds like you are doing just what is best for both your mom and your aunt.

Wow.. your mother and her siblings are scattered all across Canada.. Winnipeg, Calgary vicinity, Kamloops.. with the one sister coming all the way from Halifax! (She could drive from there.. 58 hours.. swinging through Ann Arbor! )

There is another sister and a brother too? Do they live in Winnipeg? Are they coming or already there with your ill aunt?

Your pictures and note and CD for her sound really nice. I'll bet she'll love them. And surely someone can come up with a laptop for her to use.

{{{{{HUGS}}}}} and ~~~~~PURRS~~~~~ to you, mom, and aunt,
Pat and cats

[Catty1]

I had a message from my mom when I got home tonight. Lydia was SO glad to see her! She enjoyed reading my note, and told my mom to thank me specially for it. No chance to see the CD of the cruise pics I made yet.

She was actually feisty today, mom said...pale with cold hands, but I think having all her family there has really helped. She hopes to stabilize enough to give the chemo a whirl - even though it supposedly will give her only a few more weeks.

There are conflicting reports from a couple of docs - when her one son talk to the doctor tomorrow, the family will make a decision to move Lydia to a hospice. She will be looked after much better there. She is now on anti-nausea meds - I hope she will be able to keep some food down soon.

Pat, my one aunt does not live in Halifax - she lives in Winnipeg, but is down east visiting her son, his wife and two boys; she arrived there about December 15. She plans to get back to Winnipeg and bring the other sister out with her. The 'other sister' is getting dementia, but still has some good moments. It will be great to have all the sisters together.

It sounds like Lydia has at least a few days yet.

Thank you all for your support and thoughts.

[beeniesmom]

I'm very sorry.... from someone who lost her dad just a few short months ago. I don't know what to say. Be her rock and talk about other things... cooking, tv .... distractions are good. Sometimes you just want to talk about other things.

[Anikaca77]

My prays.

Melissa

[Catty1]

Thanks, everyone.

[RICHARD]

Just 'being there' can be a wonderful way to show you care and are there for your family.

Prayers sent to you and yours.

[phesina]

Candace, how is your Aunt Lydia doing now? Did her other siblings arrive?

I lit a candle for her: http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/...ng&cid=9927716

[Catty1]

Thank you so much for lighting the candle, Pat.

Lydia did get to go home for several days. She arrived there yesterday, and was able to get around with a walker, get to the washroom, etc. However, she still cannot keep food down, and apparently was uncomfortable and anxious today. Her doctor now has her on the list for the hospice.

Her other two sisters arrive Monday, and my mom comes home. She has had quite a week...but I know was a huge boon to Lydia and all the rest of the family. As her DIL said, "she has seen all her best people."

I don't think she will last through January. I just pray that she has some smiles and is as comfortable as possible.

Thank you.