How to tell if your cat is trying to kill you :-)

[Medusa]

Kneading on you: You may think this is a sign of affection but your cat is actually checking your internal organs for weaknesses.

Excessive shoveling of kitty litter: After using the litter box, your cat needlessly kicks litter around, most of it ending up all over the room. This is practice for burying bodies.

Staring contests: If you get caught in a staring contest w/your cat, do not look away. Looking away signals to your cat that you are weak, and an attack is likely to follow.

Bringing you dead animals: This isn't a gift. It's a warning.

Throwing up grass: Through this painful feeding and purging process, cats prepare their minds and bodies for combat.

Hiding in dark places and watching you: Your cat will often hide in order to study you in your natural habitat.

Sleeping on your electronics: Humans have superior technology. Cats know this and will attempt to disrupt all communications to the outside world.

Pawing at your face while you sleep: Cats aren't very good at smothering people but this won't stop them from trying.

Sprinting at light speed out of any room you enter: When your cat does this, it's actually a failed ambush.

[catmandu]

OH NO, I MAY NEVER FEEL SAFE AGAIN.

I SHOULD NEVER TOLD THEM ABOUT THE PAMPERED FELINE WHICH IS WHERE THEY ARE GOING TO LIVE AFTER MY ONE FINE DAY.

MAYBE THEY WANT AN UPDATE IN THIER LIVING ACCOMIDATIONS
NOW!!!!
:

[Barbara]

Ah- there is finally an explanation that tells it all

[lvpets2002]

WoW finally true meaning to all.. Well at least I feel like I am in a normal house with my babies..

[Fuzzybuns]

I knew they were up to something and now it's all come to light! They shall not conquer...unless they look really really cute when they try taking me down.

[kuhio98]

I've always suspected they had alterior motives.........

[Sonia59]

I understand better now...

There should be another point in the list: when they produce a biscuit, have you noticed how the smell comes innocently in your direction ONLY, wherever you are in the room, and preferably when you are eating?...Terrorist attack?

[catmandu]

OR WHEN THEY RACE AHEAD OF YOU ON THE STAIRS!!
I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT THEY WERE MAKING SURE I WAS GETTING THERE ALL RIGHT, BUT NOW I WONDER!!!!
AND HOW ABOUT THAT GAME OF JUMPING OUT AT THE OLD FEEBLE CAT DAD??????
THEN STEPPING TO THE SIDE TO AVOID HIM FALLING ON YOU????

[momcat]

This was going around my office a few weeks ago and was quite a hit among all of us animal lovers. A good e-mail deserves to be repeated. Thanks for sharing, Medussa!

Sending lots of lovies to your furcrew

[Sugaree]

I knew it!!!

[krazyaboutkatz]

LOL Now I'm going to be afraid to sleep at night.

[ninnu]

That's too funny

[Freedom]

Mary, you got hold of the enemy's code book! Thanks for sharing, brought a smile to my face.