I don't understand why...

[Queen of Poop]

My best friend's husband committed suicide today, at work. I talked to her this afternoon, she's devastated. I feel so sad for her.

[Emeraldgreen]

I'm so sorry! That is awful.
I'm sure your friend is going to need alot of support right now. I hope she and her family will find a way to cope. It's not always evident when someone needs help. Maybe in time, you'll know more about why he made this sad decision. Thoughts go out to you and to his family.

[moosmom]

Queen of Poop,

I'm so sorry for your friend. Did he leave ANY kind of note??? Suicide is a very selfish act, especially when there's family involved. After my little meltdown, I realized how close I came to "checking out". My first thought was "who will care for my cats???" My situation LOOKED hopeless at the time. But in the end, nothing is worth something so final.

Your friend is going to need all the support she can get from her friends and family.

Please give her my sincere condolences.

Donna

[Medusa]

A good friend of mine committed suicide two years ago. It took us a while before we found out the whole story as to why and it may be that way w/your best friend's husband, too. Sometimes we don't ever fully understand, though. I'm sure you'll be there for your friend and, for the time being, that's all you can do. Prayers are going up for you and all concerned, Gayle.

[Queen of Poop]

Thanks everyone for your comments. I just can't stop thinking about this and WHY. I just feel so bad and helpless.

[Catty1]

{{{{hugs}}}} I am SO sorry for your friend!

I hope she gets an answer to the 'why'...this topic came up in a different way on a recent thread...and though it is selfish in a sense, if someone has a mental illness like depression, you can get so dark and obsessed in your own head that the blinders are totally on. You can't think of anyone or anything else...just you and the black hole.

Sadly, many men don't ask for help, they want to "tough" it out.

{{{{hugs}}}}

[Medusa]

Yes, I have to agree w/Candace. It got awfully dark and scary for my friend and her note said, in part, "I have nothing. I am nothing. I will always be nothing." None of us had any idea that she felt this way until afterwards, obviously, and we put all the pieces together. She presented a totally different picture. I went through a period of anger for nearly a year concerning this because I felt that, if she had opened up to us and allowed herself to be helped, her suicide would never have happened. But that's a big "if" and it was out of our hands. As time passes, you'll undoubtedly learn more about the "why" of it but right now take comfort in knowing that his torment is over while his wife's is just beginning, so be there for each other.

[Freedom]

I am so sorry to read this. Sympathies to your friend, you, the family, the coworkers. And to the husband, may he now RIP, out of that dark place he landed in.

[MoonandBean]

I am so sorry. Just be there for her and let others be there for you too. This will be hard on you as well.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

OMG! that is so sad.......my uncle did the hosepipe in the car window thing and one of my brother's friends jumped off a cliff. I don't think there is ever an answer why people feel driven to do this.

Prayers for your friend, family and you {{{hugs}}}

[Laura's Babies]

Just remember for yourself and tell his wife, none of you carry and blameor guilt for what he did. There was nothing you could have done to have prevented this from happening. No matter what you could have tried, it would not have been enough, once the idea was in his head, he would have done it no matter what.

My step Dad comitted suicide many years ago and the guilt I felt like to have drove me crazy. I had done everything right and got him help but it was not enough. I kept saying I should have done more but did not know what! Someone had a long talk with me explaining to me that there really is nothing anybody else can do to stop a person from doing that. All they can do is put off the act. You can't watch them 24 hours a day and all you have to do is turn your back for a minute and they will do it and that is exactly what my step Dad did. He sent Mama across the street to ask the neighbor a question and she came back and he had done it. She wasn't gone 5 minutes.

[sasvermont]

I have always thought that someone who decided to take their life had/has the right to do it, even though it is against some religions and of course, leaves many family members devestated. It is painful for the folks left behind, I know, but sometimes the pain for the person far exceeds their care about the people being left behind...... I don't have enough education in this area to know how often suicides happen, but I think they are frequent events. I am not sure that mental illness is always present when someone takes their life....... It is a sad, sad time, for sure. Death is so final. But remember, we are all going to expire some day.

[gini]

I am so sorry for your pain and questioning - and of course, for your friend.

These are the times that truly test us - we are left feeling so helpless. We feel as though we should have known - been able to do something to prevent it - but sadly we cannot.

My sister-in-law's father committed suicide. I remember being so sad. He had incurable cancer. But later I was also angry with him because he left this legacy for my niece and nephew. It turns out that there is a history of suicides in that family.

[Sevaede]

R.I.P. for him,

***HUGS*** for his wife, family, and yourself.

[Queen of Poop]

Again, thanks all for your comments and good thoughts. The memorial service is tomorrow, Friday, at 7 pm. I will be there, even though it's 3 hours away. I made my friend a bracelet today with the charms: Love, Strength, Hope, Faith and a small cross. I will give it to her tomorrow and tell her that I'm giving her my strength to help get her thru this.