Oceans of Commotion

[Freedom]

Well, I have yet again upset the apple cart here at home.

Some of you know, my Dad has diabetes. He does not even attempt to regulate it. For the past 3 years, his diabetes doc has said Dad should NOT be driving. Dad says he will improve, yada yada, and nothing changes.

So last week, at his annual physical, I raised the issue with his primary care doc. She was not aware he still drives. She looked at his log book (where he records his blood glucose levels) and said that there was not one time in the past 8 months when he could have driven. (Well, he WAS driving at times.) She said to take away his keys, and cancel his insurance.

From the doc's, I dropped Dad at the barber's and picked him up an hour later.

This morning, he mentioned driving over to my brother's apartment. I reminded him he can't drive, and I cancelled his insurance last week while he was at the barber's. (I never took his keys). Well, this was NEWS to him!

Brother came over and picked him up, and I will get a phone call to get him. (it is just about 3 miles away, no biggie). Dad is furious! And I have been told to expect further discussion.

It is not easy to parent our parents. Sigh.

[elizabethann]

It sounds like it was something that really needed to be done. I can understand how hard it must be for him and it must have been hard for you to tell him. My heart goes out to you. However, it's nice that you and your family can pitch in and drive him to wherever he needs to go.

My 84 year old Mom fell this weekend and fractured her upper arm. I've had to go to her house yesterday and this morning to help her dress. My Aunt is bringing her to the doctor's today and I just got off the phone with the VNA to see if they can visit her & help her bathe and stuff. But this is killing my Mom because she is VERY independent and she is now realizing that she does in fact need help.

Good luck with your Dad. It is tough being a parent to your parents.

[Catty1]

Has anyone told your dad: "You could have killed someone!" ?

And, "You KNOW if you had looked after yourself and your diabetes, this wouldn't have happened."

Sounds like he is having a tantrum because he KNEW better, and is mad like a kid who didn't get away with doing things HIS way.

Stand your ground - and get the keys. And I hope your brother is onside.

HUGS!

[Freedom]

And I hope your brother is onside.

Thanks both of you.

No, bro does not believe in doctors, thinks they "make things up." There is absolutely nothing wrong with Dad, he does NOT need those 13 pills per day, or that insulin or any of that stuff. So no, he thinks I am wrong to stop the driving and has offered to help Dad GET insurance.

Yes, every one (except my bro) has told Dad all those things, Candace, and a few other things besides.

[Catty1]

Well, your brother obviously inherited this attitude from your dad - this isn't surprising.

And if it turns out Dad is mistaken, then HE is...that's a lot of pride to swallow and ego to deflate!

I hope all the insurance companies have a letter from your dad's doctor! Or will they check with the company that you just cancelled with?

Prayers going out to all!

[jazzcat]

I've been dealing with that same issue with my Dad for almost 5 years now. He started having seizures at the end of 2002 and after extensive tests the dr.s couldn't determine the cause but feel it may be mini strokes so small they don't show up on MRIs. He's on seizure medication to control it but it's difficult keeping him in the correct medication level to prevent seizures. On top of all that he has Dementia and possible early Alzheimer's.

Because my Dad's memory isn't good and he forgets what he is and isn't suppose to do I had his Neurologist write a note on letterhead stating that he was not to drive. I have to bring the note out from time to time to remind Dad. We have taken away the keys so he can't drive and yes, it has caused some major fusses. I usually have to remind Dad that if he hit someone else he could seriously hurt or kill them and I also point out that he would probably lose everything he owns including his house in a law suit. That seems to help him "understand" and get over it for a little while.

I totally agree, it's not easy to parent our parents.

[Alysser]

Sorry this is happening to you, Freedom. It's obvious you are only helping your dad by doing this. Remind him of all the time he probably told you you couldn't go out driving.

[Laura's Babies]

I would notify the DMV and see if they would revoke his drivers permit.

He could wipe out an entire family and end up in prison because he drove knowing he was in this condition and did it anyway.

[Rachel]

No one has mentioned a driver's license. I thought that when a person was medically not fit to drive the doctor would notify the Secretary of State and the license would be revoked. Maybe Dad would take that matter into consideration.

Jazzcat, is it possible to convince your Dad (during a time of lucidity) to sell his car?