Funny stories, post your's!

[wolfsoul]

Lately I've been hearing alot of great funny stories from friends and family. I thought it would be great if we could have a thread dedicated to true stories that are just too funny. I have had two great stories told to me in the past week I'd like to share.

So, my friend's sister was due for a PAP test. She didn't have enough time when she got home to have a shower, so she just grabbed a cloth off the counter and cleaned up a bit. When she was being examined, the doctor mentioned something about her having really gotten really "spiffed up" for her test. She thought that was really weird. So she goes home afterwards and notices her nieces making arts and crafts. They were using cloths to clean up their messes. She checked herself in the mirror, and sure enough, her entire "down there," was COVERED in sparkles! She had used one of the cloths they had just used for their crafts!

My aunt and uncle just got a new Aussie puppy. She sleeps in a crate at night, but the crate opens two ways and they forgot to close it one way, so she had gotten out. They were worken up at 3 in the morning (Christmas Day) but my little cousin. He said "Mandy pooped on the floor." They asked him "How do you know?" He says "I stepped in it." He told them he had cleaned it off his foot but the mess still needed to be cleaned up. They asked "Where is it?" He said, "Under the tree."

Anyone else have any funny stories?

[Taz_Zoee]

LOL That first one is an ongoing email that I have seen about 5 times.
And the second...maybe I am a little slow, but I don't get it.

[wolfsoul]

Really, that's strange, because that's EXACTLY what happened to my friend's sister. That was who I posted about.

The second one -- well he said he stepped in poo -- when they asked where it was, he said "under the tree." What was he doing underneath the Christmas tree at 3 in the morning? lol.

[Pam]

LOL That first one is an ongoing email that I have seen about 5 times.

Me too. I don't think your friend was being quite honest with you.

[Laura's Babies]

I got several for you. Working on the boat, I hear a lot of funny stuff and I usually forget it and rack my brains trying to remember the things I overhear... But now and then, I remember!

One day I was in the galley chopping up onions and of coarse, they had gotten to me and my eyes were pouring. A deckhand walked in and said, "They say if you chop onions under water, they don't make you cry.... You ever tried that?"....

I never stopped chopping and casually said "No, I just don't think I could hold my breath that long!"....

That went right over his head.... ZOOOOOOOM!

************************************************** ***

Another time in the decklocker, the guys were discussing another deckhand who was constantly messing up whatever job he was assigned to do. One guy said "Talk about not being the sharpest knife in the drawer? Heck! He isn't even in there with the knives, he is laying over in the spoons and wondering where everybody went!"

************************************************** ******
Our engineer is a very proud southerner and never wastes the chance to point that out. We had a deckhand on from Ohio but now lived in the south near the engineer and the crazy engineer never wasted the chance to point out that he was a transplanted "southerner" but was still a real Yankee. There was much discussion between them as to rather he was a true southerner or a Yankee. As the transplant was leaving the table one night, I told him there was a fresh bread pudding in the kitchen, still warm, just out the oven... He stopped, looked confused and asked "What's that?".. Chief hit the table and aid "SEE THERE? YA SEE! A REAL southerner would KNOW what a bread pudding IS! I told you all... HE IS A TRANSPLANT!". He also said, "You can really tell a yankee from a southerner when they sign their name, a southerner just makes his "X" and that is all.... A Yankee makes his "X" and puts a circle around it. Yankess always try to outdo the southerners!"
************************************************** *
One of the deckhands (a guy from Mississippi) was saying he was looking for Jeff Foxworthys book of definitions and hadn't been able to find them anywhere. This same crazy chief told him, "They have them in all the Mississippi Libraries, don't you ever go to the library?"
***********************************************
The best one was....
We got this real young, cute, green deckhand that our Captain knew from childhood. Cuties little, most gullable thing you ever saw so I know they set this up to get him....

The Captain told him, "You know Chief has a 16 year old daughter that is looking for a boyfriend. She is really a beauty and I think she'd be perfect for you and you would be perfect for her. Why don't you ask the Chief about his daughter?'

So this kid RUNS to find the chief and says "Hay! I hear you got a daughter, tell me about her!"

Chief shoves his hands in his pockets, got a serious look on his face as he says "Other than her being ONLY 13 years old, WHAT do you want to know!?

He said the look on that boys face was priceless and he about trip all over himself getting out of there..
************************************************

[dukedogsmom]

That first one has been around for AGES!
http://www.snopes.com/embarrass/feminine/glitter.asp

I'll try to think of some and put them here later. At work now and still tired from last night.