Did I miss the logic here?

**catnapper** · 11-19-2006, 09:54 AM

Ashley and Cameron are playing in the livingroom -- he has nothing on except a diaper. Here's the conversation:
Me: Ummm, Ash why is Cam naked?
Ash: because all his clothes are dirty.
Me: Everything is in the laundry right now.
I go upstairs to his closet, which is FULL of clothes. I toss a cute Carters jumper down the steps and......
Ash: I am not putting that on him. Its ugly.
Me:

Then I told her that I put an empty laundry basket on her floor and she needs to remove the "ugly" from the closet so I could put it on ebay.

Its freezing outside and she's got a naked baby inside. When it was hot, she had in in long sleeved sleepers and he was sweating to death. Now she's letting him cold just because the clothes are "ugly".

For the record, the stuff she's calling ugly is perfectly charming and cute. Its all either new or in fabulous condition.... all name brands like Carters Gymboree, Baby Gap, Old Navy.

So did I miss the logic boat on this one? Even if the stuff is ugly, will he die from ugliness before freezing to death? Here you can really tell she's only 18. Someone more mature would have stuck their kid in the ugliest, most stained outfit just to keep him warm... or they'd have left him in his sleeper.

**jackie** · 11-19-2006, 09:57 AM

Thats weird, its not like she wanted to take him out of the house... silly girl.

**Cataholic** · 11-19-2006, 12:31 PM

I have a relation, who will remain unnamed, that turned her nose up at FREE, age appropriate clothing, for similar reasons.

As to freezing in the house, well, you must keep it pretty cool in there for that to be a possibility. I have just never been a fan of Jonah wandering around in his underwear....though, I do know people that think it is no big deal at all. I don't even like him in just his t-shirt and pants!

**jenluckenbach** · 11-19-2006, 12:39 PM

This is not the first time I heard a reference to Ashley NOT liking Camry's choice of clothes. I am feeling quite like "Well, I am surely not going to spend any more money on gifts of clothes only for them to be rejected! " He will NOT die due to UGLY. Just wait until he chooses his OWN clothes....THAT will probably be uglier!

(p.s. I too prefer a clothed baby to a naked one. Don't know why, just personal preference)

**caseysmom** · 11-19-2006, 04:46 PM

Kim Perhaps she knows it bugs you and she is doing it on purpose. Maybe ignore it for a while...turn the heat up so he doesn't freeze and see what happens...although she isn't paying the heating bill so she won't care. I love it when my girls walk around in spaghetti straps and complain about how cold it is in the house

**molucass** · 11-19-2006, 04:48 PM

I'm 21 (and pregnant) and I personally wouldn't care whether or not it was ugly. If they still fit I would be glad to let my baby wear it. I mean if its just around the house, why does it matter whether or not it is ugly.
I wouldn't let my baby be in just a diaper when its cold outside, regardless if the child is in the house.

**kimlovescats** · 11-19-2006, 09:15 PM

I feel your pain!

**shais_mom** · 11-20-2006, 01:22 PM

Originally Posted by jenluckenbach

This is not the first time I heard a reference to Ashley NOT liking Camry's choice of clothes. I am feeling quite like "Well, I am surely not going to spend any more money on gifts of clothes only for them to be rejected! " He will NOT die due to UGLY. Just wait until he chooses his OWN clothes....THAT will probably be uglier!

(p.s. I too prefer a clothed baby to a naked one. Don't know why, just personal preference)

that's kind of what I was thinking - not that I contributed to a gift or anything but seems like she is acting not only a tad immature but a tad spoiled too. Dare I say it? Sounds like she is looking a gift horse in the mouth also if some of those clothes were gifts. That's a good way to NOT get things anymore!

Good luck

**Sevaede** · 11-19-2006, 12:36 PM

Geez! That's kinda goofy.

I don't know, though, my sister in law will put a pretty nice (in whatever way. I don't know if they are expensive outfits but they're things you wouldn't wear every day) outfit on my niece RIGHT before she eats and then get all irritated when Grace (2 yrs on Dec 25) gets messy. She doesn't bother to help her out, put a bib on her, watch her, or put messy-clothes on. Gracie usually ends up wearing four or five outfits a day. Brandi also won't put something on Gracie if she thinks "it's ugly". She's 26.

My peeve? When she lets her clothes mildew!

**Pembroke_Corgi** · 11-20-2006, 02:33 PM

It sounds like everyone in your household is stressed out...I can understand the strain it must put on everyone.

I know from the experience of my brother being a single parent for a year (he has since gotten back together with his wife) and him living with my mom what a strain it put on my mom, who has a very hard time saying "no," as in "No, I don't want to watch him tonight while you do so and so." Eric and I ended up babysitting quite a bit, not for my brother- but for my mom, who was taking on way too much.

I guess my best advice is, for your own sake, as long as she isn't putting the baby in any kind of danger, don't be afraid to step back and let her handle things...my mom aged a lot last year from feeling like she needed to do too much, when in fact it was my brother's responsibility. I know your daughter is only 18, and you all help out which is great...just make sure you take some time for yourself.

**Vela** · 11-20-2006, 02:43 PM

I hate to say it, but the majority of this problem is you and your husband's fault for doing too much for her in the past and not making this a big enough consequence for her. You have bent over backwards, much too far, and done much too much for her to be learning the lessons she needs to. She also knows if he is out of diapers you will buy them. She has not REALLY had to take responsibility for everything. As sucky as it is, you need to start requiring her to pay rent, as well as utility bills, contribute for food, and pay for her own baby. She is the one who got pregnant, she needs to take the responsibility for it, but you and your husband are shouldering a good majority of that responsbility, too much of it. She was spoiled when he was on the way and she's been spoiled up to now. She needs a hard lesson in reality, and she won't get it unless you cut off the cash cow. Make sure Cameron is taken care of enough so that he isn't in danger, but make her foot the bill. Stop doing everything for her. Don't do her laundry, or his, don't buy him clothes, let him wear what he has. Don't sell them on ebay for her so she can buy more. Stop enabling her to be a spoiled little brat.

BTW I didn't mean it in a rude way, just that you gusy do too much for her and she takes it for granted and has yet to see reality hit her in the face. She needs to take more responsibility for her choices, not you guys continuing to foot the bills.

**Muddy4paws** · 11-20-2006, 03:38 PM

Being 18 myself If I got pregnant (Touchwood not for a long time yet!) I would want as much help as I could get. I wouldn't care about how my baby looked along as he had clothes that fit him properly. I think its being very childish on her behalf and she is coming across as a brat! Sorry if thats harsh! She should get over the issue that the clothes are not "cool" enough she has a growing son she should be grateful she has help with clothes. I mean the little man isn't going to grow up self concious because hes wearing "ugly" clothes. My mum used to dress my brother in my sisters old babygrows and they were pink! lol Babies grow too fast and Im sure mums can definatly agree that baby clothes can be expensive so getting as much wear out of them as possible seems like a good idea to me, its not like he went out in the pink babygrow but its not like its doing any harm inside.

**Jods** · 11-20-2006, 08:47 PM

sheesh ugly?? U should have seen what Zoey was wearing today because it was cold and they needed to be worn before she grows outta them

Some of the clothing I got at my shower wasn't what I would have picked but shes worn it all anyways!

I hope Cam doesn't catch a cold and hopefully Ashley will relize that what she did wasn't very smart on her part. ITA with letting her pay rent etc... Its HER baby and her and her BF need to step up. Its a privledge having you and your hubby help out so much its not her right. Some day maybe she'll realize it.

**Rachel** · 11-21-2006, 08:40 AM

It's wonderful that you've been supportive in a time of crisis, but I do believe that now might be the time for your husband and you to set some ground rules and delineate the expectations you have of her while she and the baby are living with you. I get the impression that she is unwilling to impliment action to get child support from the baby's father. That shouldn't be an option under the current arrangement.

Also I don't understand this idea that if the baby's father buys some diapers, he somehow is doing his part. A baby needs more than diapers...like a warm place to live, care and supervision, food, medical care, transportation. All that takes money and it seem you and your husband have been providing all that for the baby as well as her. Diapers don't even begin to make a dent in what constitutes support.

As for her yelling at Cameron, she definitely needs to get a grip.