What do I do? Elderly friends...*UPDATE*

[Catty1]

..they live in Washington State. I met them in the 1980's.

They became my granpa and granma sort of - friends who just always loved me the way I was, and me them. They go to a strong church, but live their faith, not preach it (unless you got Pappy on a roll! LOL)

Now they are in their 80's. I had a good few days with them at the end of May, after not having seen them for years. Pappy has Alzheimer's, and Jennie was losing her memory a bit, and having some health troubles(had polio when she was young)...but they were still them, you know?

After being broke for so many years, I got Jennie's faulty email set up and even upgraded their computer (by surprise!). But Jennie was too far gone to recall how to use it, even though she was shown twice. I don't mind, it'll be a gift for someone else.

I called their daughter the other day - they live in another half of the house, right next door. She is about done. Her colitis has flared up for the past 3 weeks. Pappy's Alzheimer's is worse...Jennie yells and doesn't realize he's past the point of "getting it". Their daughter says it is now SOOOO embarrassing to take her dad out in public, though she knows full well it is not his fault. He is just getting really worse. Jennie lost her car in an accident and doesn't drive any more. Their daughter drives her everywhere, and is always keeping an eye on things...Jennie doesn't pay her much, which is fine except the daughter is so busy helping her she can't work.

The daughter had a knock-down drag out with Pappy the other week, and wound up "on her butt" for 3 days.

Yet - the government won't intervene until Jennie and Pappy are down to their last $2,000.00

Hopefully the brothers will weigh in...

There must be some other options...but what? Would the state or US government pay for Pappy to live in a more protected residence?

I feel for the daughter - she is in her 60s, and sick now. I encouraged her to call her brothers for backup. She asked for prayers for HER, which is not like her.

I just feel so sad and bad about this - I wish I could help.

Any ideas???



Jennie still phones, and she always says they love me, and I tell her I love her and Pappy. And this is true.

But the life around them is going crazy and down...

Sorry this is so long....

[cyber-sibes]

Getting old absolutely sucks, plain and simple. I don't know what kind of services may be available, but there are Alzheimer's Chapters in many cities that may be able to offer some support. As far as the gov't...well, Medicade only kicks in if you are desperately poor. My husband had to work with his Aunt to "spend down" her savings in order to get Medicade, very sad.

I'm so glad you were able to spend some time with them. I surely will pray for Jenny, Pappy, their daughter, and their situation.
(((hugs))) to you, dear.

[Dorothy39]

catty1, I am praying that the Brothers offer some support!!!

I feel the same agony that I went through, (during the 90's, when no one would HELP)

Far too often, a daugher is the person who is relied upon to care for aging parents!!! Sad, but sooo true.

Is there a way that you can contact another family member?


She (daughter) needs her brothers, needs her family!!! ( that poor woman)


Is there a Doctor in the HOUSE?

[Karen]

Call the Bar Association, ask for a lawyer reccomendation for someone who specializes in elder affairs. There are such folks, and she needs one. Also have her check with the city they live in - cities (and towns, sometimes it's a county thing) often have offices set up to deal with just this sort of thing. She should know (the daughter) that she is not alone, there is help out there, and one does not necessarily have to be broke to get it.

[lizbud]

Call the Bar Association, ask for a lawyer reccomendation for someone who specializes in elder affairs. There are such folks, and she needs one. Also have her check with the city they live in - cities (and towns, sometimes it's a county thing) often have offices set up to deal with just this sort of thing. She should know (the daughter) that she is not alone, there is help out there, and one does not necessarily have to be broke to get it.

This is so true. My sister & brothers hired an attorney who specialized
in elder law for my mom.There are many options open to these people that only a specialist in elder law can help uncover for them,It really isn't necessary to be in the poor house to get government help that they
deserve.It's the best money you can spend to hire an good attorney.

[caseysmom]

I have a friend who is a social worker in a sort of adult protective services agency. Try to find one of those in their area.

[Catty1]

THANK YOU!

I looked up Alzheimer's resources, as well as Eldercare and the NAELA (National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys) in their state.

I also copied and pasted some of every post here. Anonymously, of course!

I just phoned the daughter, and said that info was on its way. She is hanging in there.

She doesn't use the internet, only Juno email - so I think it is a sign from God that my printer is actually working properly today!

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN! I care deeply about these people, all of them...and I am sure this will help.

HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS

[K9karen]

Sorry this is so late
Been there...
An Elderare lawyer is the way to go.. I wouldn't have survived without one.
I could give you oodles of advise based on what I did. I sure hope your friend actually calls a lawyer. This brings back such sad, terrifying memories. After paying the lawyer the 1st time with my dad, I learned what to do with my mom. I called the lawyer, told him what I did and he OK'd it, never charged me and said I was a quick learner. It was a semi nightmare, but in order to save any money at all and not let ot go towards a nursing home (let Medicare pay) she'll have to do something fast. I hope everything works out....