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Thread: the English Language

  1. #1

    the English Language

    This is long but interesting

    Can you read these right the first time? Try reading them FAST...

    1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

    2) The farm was used to produce produce.

    3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

    4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

    5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

    6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

    7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
    present the present.

    8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

    9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

    10) I did not object to the object.

    11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

    12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

    13) They were too close to the door to close it.

    14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

    15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

    16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

    17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

    18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

    19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

    20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?


    Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in
    eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
    English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.
    Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
    We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find
    that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

    And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't
    groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't
    the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
    One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but
    not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all
    but one of them, what do you call it?

    If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats
    vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the
    English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally
    insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a
    recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and
    feet that smell?

    How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man
    and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of
    a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you
    fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going
    on.

    English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
    creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
    That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the
    lights are out, they are invisible.

    PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"
    You lovers of the English language might enjoy this . . .



    There is a two-letter word that perhaps
    has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP."

    It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the
    list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting,
    why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP
    for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?

    We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP
    the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP
    the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little
    word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for
    tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one
    thing but to be dressed UP is special.

    And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is
    stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at
    night.

    We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the
    proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized
    dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about
    thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list
    of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if
    you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it
    threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we
    say it is clearing UP.

    When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

    When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

    One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP,
    so............ Time to shut UP.....!

    Oh, one more thing:


    What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do
    at night? U-P

  2. #2
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    Yup - and we English geeks wonder why others have trouble! I honestly usually just *know* how to spell words if I think of it, and as a kid, didn't understand that other peoples' brains just don't DO that!

  3. #3
    Join Date
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    Excellent, and very interesting!

    Here's another one, also about the english language.

    An interesting article highlighting British power over Germany.

    The European Union have recently announced that finally an agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.

    As part of negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and as such has accepted a five year phased plan to implement what will become known as EuroEnglish .

    In the first year , 's' will be used instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly sivil servants will resieve this news with joy . Also the hard 'c' will be replased with 'k' . Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter .

    There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replased by 'f'. This will make words like 'fotograf' 20 per sent shorter .

    In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible, which have always been a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful and they wil go .

    By the fourth year , peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' by 'z' and 'w' by 'v'

    During ze fifz year , ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou', and similar changes vud of kore be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters .

    After zis fifz year, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

    Ze drem vil finali kum tru!
    Last edited by Randi; 08-17-2005 at 12:17 PM.
    Randi



    "I don't know which weapons will be used in the third World war, but in the fourth, it will be sticks and stones" --- Albert Einstein.


  4. #4
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    I have a hard time remembering how to spell some things...but working at a typewriter has improved my skills!

    English is the end result of a lot of languages meshing together. I took a history of English class, and it was very interesting to say the least! Thanks for posting this...I love this sort of thing!

  5. #5
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    English is so interesting - my husband & I have been going round and round for years about the proper use of "lie" and "lay" - gotten to be a joke around here! Thank God for Spell-check!

  6. #6
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    Randi, I'm already in year 4 if you hear me talking

  7. #7
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    aha.. got english?!

    debbie/sirrahbed & randi, I've seen these before - fun to read.

    here's the english longest word -- Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanokoniosis
    (45 letters; a lung disease caused by breathing in certain particles) & (nickname: koniosis)

    and those two longest words in common use, as said in 1992 guiness book of world record.

    Disproportionableness & Incompreshensibilities

    I'm still praciting this.. 130 letters word, longest one in swedish!
    Nordostersjokustartilleriflygspaningssimulatoranla ggningsmaterielunderhallsuppfoljningssystemdiskuss ionsinlaggsforberedelsearbeten
    (means ..'preparatory work on the contribution to the discussion on the maintaining system of support of the material of the aviation survey simulator device within the north-east part of the coast artillery of the Baltic'..)


    oh and.. the only longest english word that has no repeat letter...uncopyrightable!

    hainvg fun? english's shortest sentence.. "I Do."

    rest and sleep softly sweet locke..



  8. #8
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    LOL!! I love this thread, it makes so much sense, or is it cents? I will have to make copies of some of these for one of my Communications teacher! She will love them, that is, if you guys think that it would be all right!

    Steph and Jes

  9. #9
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    of course stephanie/jesse_3!

    they are public so go ahead, print thousands!
    rest and sleep softly sweet locke..



  10. #10
    Join Date
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    LOL... That's why I love learning Ennglish, it has so many crazy things that seem to don't have sense.... And because of that is so hard to learn English for people who speak, for example, Spanish like me...

    Very nice thread, I really enjoyed it...
    Lola, the mutt, 2 years old

    Anita, the dachshund, 7 years old



  11. #11
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    Re: aha.. got english?!

    Originally posted by Gina's Ark Inc.
    debbie/sirrahbed & randi, I've seen these before - fun to read.

    here's the english longest word -- Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanokoniosis
    (45 letters; a lung disease caused by breathing in certain particles) & (nickname: koniosis)

    and those two longest words in common use, as said in 1992 guiness book of world record.

    Disproportionableness & Incompreshensibilities

    I'm still praciting this.. 130 letters word, longest one in swedish!
    Nordostersjokustartilleriflygspaningssimulatoranla ggningsmaterielunderhallsuppfoljningssystemdiskuss ionsinlaggsforberedelsearbeten
    (means ..'preparatory work on the contribution to the discussion on the maintaining system of support of the material of the aviation survey simulator device within the north-east part of the coast artillery of the Baltic'..)


    oh and.. the only longest english word that has no repeat letter...uncopyrightable!

    hainvg fun? english's shortest sentence.. "I Do."

    Wouldn't the shortest English sentence be "Go"? The subject is implied, and there's the verb.

    Debbie, is that correct? I know you're an English person...
    ~Sara, Daisy, Jessie, Jake, & Jackson



    <3 Gone but never forgotten <3
    {Benjamin, Russell, Chester, Dexter, George Harrison, & Leeroy} {O.D.} {Trey} {John-Paul & Earl}

  12. #12

    Re: Re: aha.. got english?!

    Originally posted by buckner
    Wouldn't the shortest English sentence be "Go"? The subject is implied, and there's the verb.

    Debbie, is that correct? I know you're an English person...
    Good question.... hmmm.... Yes "Go" *would* be considered a sentence I believe, and so would be the shortest semtence I can think of....

    I have heard a joke though where the shortest sentence was (can't remember what is here)

    and the punchline is :
    the longest sentence is "I do"

  13. #13
    Join Date
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    Originally posted by cyber-sibes
    English is so interesting - my husband & I have been going round and round for years about the proper use of "lie" and "lay" - gotten to be a joke around here! Thank God for Spell-check!
    I wonder if you meant "lie" and "lye" as in "Somebody is lying beside me"

    thanks k9krazee for the signature!

  14. #14
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    Originally posted by vinjashira
    I wonder if you meant "lie" and "lye" as in "Somebody is lying beside me"
    Oh yup, I also never know the difference between those 2 verbs

  15. #15
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    Fun thread! I love English...quirks and all!
    ...RIP, our sweet Gini...

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