One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, What
setting do I use on the washing machine?"
It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
And they say blondes are dumb.
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the
happiest woman in the world"
The woman says, "I'll miss you..."
It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out
of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I
mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I have wanted to make love
to you really badly.
She said - Well, you succeeded.
He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while
I sit on the sofa and fart .
He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave
She said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th
wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said
that because they had been such a devoted couple she would grant each of
them a very special wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!
A lady walks into the drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some
Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?"
To kill my husband."
I can't sell you arsenic to kill a person!"
The lady lays down a photo of a man and a woman in a compromising position.
The man is her husband and the woman is the pharmacist's wife.
He takes the photo and nods. "I didn't realize you had a
AND THE BEST ONE YET..
A WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST:
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
He is a dead man.