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Thread: LOL

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Texas Tha Dirty South
    Posts
    971

    LOL

    One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his
    sweatshirt.
    Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, What
    setting do I use on the washing machine?"
    It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
    He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
    And they say blondes are dumb.
    _______________________
    A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the
    happiest woman in the world"
    The woman says, "I'll miss you..."
    _______________________
    It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out
    of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I
    mowed the lawn like this?"
    "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
    _______________________
    He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I have wanted to make love
    to you really badly.
    She said - Well, you succeeded.
    ______________________
    He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
    She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while
    I sit on the sofa and fart .
    _______________________
    He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave
    you?
    She said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror
    ______________________
    Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
    A: A rumor
    _______________________
    A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th
    wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said
    that because they had been such a devoted couple she would grant each of
    them a very special wish.
    The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
    Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
    The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
    Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
    Gotta love that fairy!
    _____________________
    A lady walks into the drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some
    arsenic.
    Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?"
    To kill my husband."
    I can't sell you arsenic to kill a person!"
    The lady lays down a photo of a man and a woman in a compromising position.
    The man is her husband and the woman is the pharmacist's wife.
    He takes the photo and nods. "I didn't realize you had a
    prescription!"
    __________________
    AND THE BEST ONE YET..
    A WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST:
    She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
    Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
    Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
    Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
    And her husband is on the back of the milk carton
    __________________
    A PRAYER....
    Dear Lord,
    I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
    Love to forgive him;
    And Patience for his moods.
    Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
    He is a dead man.
    Love is Adoptable. Adopt a Pit Bull.

    Don't Breed or Buy While Shelter Animals Die.

    If Pit Bulls are outlawed, only outlaws will have Pit Bulls.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Sydney, Australia
    Posts
    3,458
    Very good.

    Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our life whole

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    Ploss's Halfway House for Homeless Cats
    Posts
    18,317
    AWESOME Slick!!! Thanks!

    Rest In Peace Casey (Bubba Dude) Your paw print will remain on my heart forever. 12/02
    Mollie Rose, you were there for me through good times and in bad, from the beginning.Your passing will leave a hole in my heart.We will be together "One Fine Day". 1994-2009
    MooShoo,you left me too soon.I wasn't ready.Know that you were my soulmate and have left me broken hearted.I loved you like no other. 1999 - 2010See you again "ONE FINE DAY"
    Maya Linn, my heart is broken. The day your beautiful blue eyes went blind was the worst day of my life.I only wish I could've done something.I'll miss your "premium" purr and our little "conversations". 1997-2013 See you again "ONE FINE DAY"

    DO NOT BUY WHILE SHELTER ANIMALS DIE!!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Chicago area, Illinois, USA
    Posts
    1,588
    Thanks for the laughs

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    I hail from South Carolina, but Texas is where I hang my hat :)
    Posts
    10,007
    excellent!
    The idea that some lives matter less is the root of all that is wrong with the world. - Dr. Paul Farmer

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Syracuse, NY
    Posts
    773
    Oh gosh those are great! I can think of at least 10 women I know who will get a laugh out of that!! Thanks pit chick, you just made the day of women all over the country!!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    Hobart, Tasmania, Australia
    Posts
    3,330
    their great.

    Thanks for the laugh

    Thank you for the signature manda_moo87

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    Kentucky, LAND OF THE EASILY AMUSED
    Posts
    24,900
    jokes on you...what self respecting texan would marry an Oklahoman???
    The secret of life is nothing at all
    -faith hill

    Dang Oakland Raiders..

    No humans were hurt during the posting of this message.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Texas Tha Dirty South
    Posts
    971
    Originally posted by RICHARD
    jokes on you...what self respecting texan would marry an Oklahoman???
    Is it Oklahoman or Oklahomo?

    "Oklahoma, there's only 2 things that come out of Oklahoma, steers and queers!"
    Love is Adoptable. Adopt a Pit Bull.

    Don't Breed or Buy While Shelter Animals Die.

    If Pit Bulls are outlawed, only outlaws will have Pit Bulls.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Location
    Upstate NY
    Posts
    8,046
    ROTFLMAO!!!!!
    Soar high & free my sweet fur angels. I love you Nanook & Raustyk... forever & ever.


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