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Thread: A guide to good health!

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    Copenhagen, Denmark
    Posts
    330

    A guide to good health!

    So much is being written about diets, exercise, obesity, Atkins, Shmatkins, nowadays it is impossible to know what to eat, and what to abstain from. It is enough to make you ill.

    Having said that, Jews have always wisely placed a premium on health. If you have your health, you are a rich man. If you are a rich man, but do not have health, you have nothing.

    THE JEWISH GUIDE TO GOOD HEALTH

    Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

    A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

    Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

    A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

    Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

    A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).

    Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

    A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

    Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

    A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain … Good.

    Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

    A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

    Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?

    A: Thicker gravy.

    Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

    A: Are you meshuga? … Cocoa beans … another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

    Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Now go have a biscuit … flour comes from wheat, which is a veggie!

    And finally; if swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me

    "Peace cannot be achieved through violence,
    it can only be attained through understanding."
    Albert Einstein

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2000
    Location
    Kensington MD USA
    Posts
    4,884
    Sounds like wise advice to me bubbala

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Location
    Munich
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    15,279
    Oh John! Sounds as if Randi rode another veggie attack on you

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    Copenhagen, Denmark
    Posts
    330
    Bring on the roast lamb - they eat grass don't they!

    "Peace cannot be achieved through violence,
    it can only be attained through understanding."
    Albert Einstein

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2000
    Location
    Kensington MD USA
    Posts
    4,884
    Serve mint jelly with the roast lamb, mint is a vegetable too! And lots of butter on the rolls, butter is a dairy product from cows that eat grass... right?

  6. #6



    Dad sez he *likes* yur Plan, Mr. John!


    .
    /s/ Cinder, Smokey & Heidi

    R.I.P. ~ Boots, Bowser, Sherman, & Snoopy

  7. #7
    Thanks for the laugh, Jonza.
    I just sent it to my exercise addicted brother.

    "All men are created equal but none of them is equal to a dog." From the "Howard Huge" cartoon..

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Wylie, Texas USA
    Posts
    5,170
    LOL!! Those are hysterical!

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    Tabbyville, PA
    Posts
    15,819
    I KNEW I was Jewish at heart! And all this time my Jewish friends called me a gentile! hmph. I'll tell them!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Dec 2001
    Location
    Copenhagen, Denmark - GMT+1
    Posts
    14,752
    You're not born behind a bush, Barbara. I have just been slaving away in the kitchen, cutting loads of vegetables for our dinner tonight - while John has been sitting here posting this!! Actually, it fits rather well with his food and health philosophy.

    Now ..... a cup of coffee!! (No biscuits!)
    Randi



    "I don't know which weapons will be used in the third World war, but in the fourth, it will be sticks and stones" --- Albert Einstein.


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