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Thread: Memo to dogs and cats

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2001
    Location
    Montana USA
    Posts
    5,952

    Memo to dogs and cats

    MEMO TO THE FAMILY DOG or CAT

    Dear Dog and/or Cat,

    When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.

    The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. (Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate & food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food & dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.)

    The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

    I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping. They can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other
    stretched out to the fullest extent possible. (I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.)

    My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull
    the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. (In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years...canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.)

    The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs' or cats' behind. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

    To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door.....
    Rules for Non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets:
    1. They live here; you don't.
    2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
    3. I like my pet better than I like most people.
    4. To you it's an animal. To me he and/or she is an adopted son and/or daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and is speech challenged.

    Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug using friends, don't drink or smoke, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes,
    don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get
    pregnant, you can sell the results.


    got this today the first two happened as I was reading it.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Middle TN, United States
    Posts
    8,316
    Corinna, that is just the cutest thing I have read in a long time!!

    Sounds just like them, don't it?? That big old Rottweiler of mine is like that, except I don't allow that ox on the couch. She thinks its okay if she makes it look like she is in our lap, with one foot on the floor.

    I am going to send this to my daughter, she will love it. She has a dog that does the same thing!

    Willie

    Thank You, kittycats_delight for my new siggy!!!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    Tabbyville, PA
    Posts
    15,819

    Re: Memo to dogs and cats

    Originally posted by Corinna
    For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull
    the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. (In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years...canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.)
    Would you please come tell this to Pouncer? He honestly believes that a shut bathroom is one of the most horrible things in the world. He cries pitifully and has actually learned how to OPEN the bathroom door!

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