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Thread: Dear Dog

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Pennsylvania, USA
    Posts
    30

    Dear Dog

    Morning all, Enjoy

    Dear Dog:

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
    dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the
    middle of my plate does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and
    dish, nor do I find it the least bit aesthetically pleasing.

    The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me
    to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I will
    fall faster than you can run.

    I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about
    this. Look at videos of dogs sleeping; they can actually curl up in a ball.
    It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to
    the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out
    and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is
    nothing but doggy sarcasm.

    My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

    For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some
    miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
    necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the
    edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I
    entered. Besides, I have been using bathrooms for years and canine
    attendance is not mandatory!

    The proper order to show affection is: kiss me, then go smell the other
    dog's butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

    Rules for non-pet-owners who visit and like to complain about our pets.

    1. The dog lives here. You don't.

    2. If you don't want dog hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.

    3. I like my dog a lot better than I like most people.

    4. To you, she's a dog. To me, she's an adopted daughter who is short,
    hairy, walks on all fours, doesn't speak clearly, and loves me
    unconditionally.

    5. Dogs are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the
    time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car,
    don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry
    about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a
    gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the
    pups.

    The same applies to cats, except they ignore you until you are asleep.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    "My Little Zoo"
    Gran Ma Ma to Nugget and Penelope, Lucky, Rascal and Lacy Rose

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Modesto, Ca
    Posts
    6,770
    That was great, Ladydove. Thanks for the laugh.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    North East Ohio
    Posts
    11,763
    That was GREAT!!!
    I think I may have to make a sign and hang it on my door when people come in my house!
    ~Angie, Sierra & Buddy
    **Don't breed or buy while shelter dogs die!**

    I suffer from multiple Shepherd syndrome



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    9,664
    I LOVED THIS!! WELL SAID!

    Robin

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2000
    Location
    Northeast
    Posts
    27,062
    Touche!! I'm going to print off that one! Thanks for the smiles!

    Star,Tigg'r , Mollie and the10 Gallon Gang!

    And my Rainbow Bridge Furangles...Jingles, Cody, Fritz, Chessa, Satin, Buddy, Lizzie, Oliver, Squeaker, Moonbeam, Rosie, Ruby~

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