I have been sort of collecting these from my e-mails and they don`t really fit into the Jokes thread cos they are true stories. So, here they are, and maybe you all could add some more!?
AS THE NEW OWNER of an older home, my friend Jim tried to become an instant handyman. When his kitchen water line froze, he decided to correct the problem himself by drilling through the wall between the kitchen and living room to reroute the pipe. Jim called me to ask if I knew why there would be heavy insulation on an inside wall. The more he drilled, the more insulation came through the hole. I went to his house to inspect the site and found that what was coming through the hole was not insulation but upholstery stuffing. He had drilled through the wall, right into the back of the living-room sofa.
--Contributed to "Life In These United States" by William M. Chittester
MY PARENTS and another couple visited me in Boston, where I was attending college. After a day of shopping, the two women were eager to return to their hotel via the subway. I was going back to my dorm, which was one stop before theirs, so I rode with them. Unfortunately, it was rush hour and we became separated in the crowded car. Every time the train stopped, Mom called out, "Brenda, are you still here?"
I finally yelled to her that I would let her know when I was getting off. When my stop came, I shouted, "Mom, I'm getting off now." To my embarrassment, everyone on the subway car yelled back, "Bye, Brenda!"
--Contributed to "Life In These United States" by Brenda Klein Ross
AS A FLIGHT ENGINEER on a C-130 cargo plane, I had been stationed in Panama for several months before the December 1989 invasion. Ever since I began my Air Force flying career, my mother has been concerned for my safety, so I expected a long letter from her expressing her anxiety. But what she sent was a sheet of paper containing six words: "Kick theirs, protect yours. Love, Mom."
--Contributed to "Humor In Uniform" by SSgt. Jeff L. Keelan