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Thread: Here Are 21 Jokes So Clever You Probably Won’t Get Them. #10 Is Perfection. (scroll down a bit, spacing went weird)

  1. #1
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    Here Are 21 Jokes So Clever You Probably Won’t Get Them. #10 Is Perfection. (scroll down a bit, spacing went weird)

    July 1, 2014 Humor
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    Humor is subjective. No matter how funny you think something is, if you say it in a room full of people, not everyone will laugh. (Unless you’re me, of course.) There’s nothing wrong with them or you, they just might not like what you have to say.
    If you don’t like the jokes below, either you think they’re too nerdy… or you just didn’t get them. (That’s okay, though.) These intelligent jokes are so clever, most people won’t get them on their first (second or third) read-through.
    I hope you get them, though.
    1.) It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs… because they always take things literally.

    reddit


    2.) Who is this Rorschach guy? … and why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?

    reddit


    3.) A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus…. “You mean a martini?” the bartender asks. The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!”

    reddit


    4.) René Descartes walks into a bar. Bartender asks if he wants anything. … René says, “I think not,” then disappears.

    wikimedia




    5.) Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar… followed by Batman.

    reddit


    6.) Yo momma’s so classless… she could be a Marxist utopia.

    reddit


    7.) Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?… He’s 0K now.

    Flickr


    8.) An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and so on. … After the seventh order, the bartender pours two beers and says, “You fellas ought to know your limits.”

    Flickr




    9.) Pavlov is sitting at a bar, when all of the sudden the phone rings… Pavlov gasps, “Oh crap, I forgot to feed the dogs.”

    wikimedia
    "To begin, begin." ~William Wordsworth

  2. #2
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    10.) Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath…. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

    reddit


    11.) Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Do all of you want a drink?”… The first logician says, “I don’t know.” The second logician says, “I don’t know.” The third logician says, “Yes!”

    reddit


    12.) How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? … Ask them to pronounce “unionized.”

    Flickr


    13.) What’s the difference between an etymologist and an entomologist?… An etymologist knows the difference.

    Flickr


    14.) The other day my friend was telling me that I didn’t understand what irony meant. … Which is ironic, because we were standing at a bus stop.

    Flickr


    15.) There are two types of people in this world:… Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.

    wikimedia


    16.) An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. “In English,” he said, “a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. … But there isn’t a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative.” A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”

    reddit


    17.) A photon checks into a hotel and the bellhop asks him if he has any luggage…. The photon replies, “No, I’m traveling light.”

    Flickr


    18.) Your momma is so mean… she has no standard deviation.

    Flickr


    19.) I’m thinking about selling my theremin… I haven’t touched it in years.

    reddit
    "To begin, begin." ~William Wordsworth

  3. #3
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    20.) What does the “B” in Benoit B. Mandelbrot stand for?… Benoit B. Mandelbrot.

    3domen


    21.) What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question? … …

    Flickr



    (H/T Reddit)
    Even if you only understood half of these jokes, that’s more than most people could say!
    "To begin, begin." ~William Wordsworth

  4. #4
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    These are fun!

    Batman!!!
    I've Been Frosted

  5. #5
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    #12! (I'm a chemist, and it's unIonized...)
    I've been finally defrosted by cassiesmom!
    "Not my circus, not my monkeys!"-Polish proverb

  6. #6
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    I don't get #5
    Catty1, these are terrific!

    Edited to add: Just call me "slow on the uptake"! I get it now. Thank you, Catty1!!
    Last edited by cassiesmom; 07-02-2014 at 05:59 PM.
    I've been Boo'd ... right off the stage!

    Aaahh, I have been defrosted! Thank you, Bonny and Asiel!
    Brrrr, I've been Frosted! Thank you, Asiel and Pomtzu!


    "That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

    "We consume our tomorrows fretting about our yesterdays." -- Persius, first century Roman poet

    Cassie's Catster page: http://www.catster.com/cats/448678

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by cassiesmom View Post
    I don't get #5
    Catty1, these are terrific!
    Na is the symbol for sodium...Ne for Neon...
    "To begin, begin." ~William Wordsworth

  8. #8
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    Oh, that's just silly (#5.)
    I've been finally defrosted by cassiesmom!
    "Not my circus, not my monkeys!"-Polish proverb

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