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Thread: Love like no others

  1. #1

    Love like no others

    My life stopped one month ago...

    I lost my little Asya, my pekingese dog, she was 16 years old, blind and deaf, and with arthritis problems, sometimes she took pain medicine but we were able to settle everything, I was completely devoted to making her last years as comfortable as possible: I cooked for her, gave her glucosamine and chondroitin supplements, she was still loving, eating, snoring in her sleep, and making funny noises when she dreamed... She was old, and she had difficulty walking, but I carried her everywhere, gave her massages and looked after her like she was my baby, I slept with her and held her in my arms every night to make her feel safe.... and had her in my mind all the time...
    One month ago, I was out, and when I came home I found her smothered with tv and lamp cords, I dont know how she did that, she somehow embroiled herself in this cords and in panic she must have rotate over and over, and I was not there to save her.... I am so horrified and anguished thinking about her last minutes, I cannot get this out of my mind and am eating myself with so much guilt I cannot breath...
    And still, after one month, I hate myself and I am immersed in self-loathing - I almost convinced mayself I am such a terrible person, because I let my dog down, I wasn't there to save her, and nothing matters any more.... I cannot think of anything good I did for her, I remember only the moments I was busy, I was not home, I was in a hurry, I was nervous, like all of these 16 happy years never happened... Will this ever stop? Is this normal?
    I am not very good in english, and I cannot write anymore, I cry all the time... there is nothing left to say.... maybe we must believe what others say ..... that we gave our dogs everything and when its time to go nothing can stop it.... maybe the time passing will make things better.... I just cannot believe this right now.... as much people tell me its not my fault, I feel more and more smitten by guilt...

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2000
    Location
    Waltham, MA, USA
    Posts
    35,322
    She had a good, long life with you.

    Our condolences, and we know she is happy and healthy again at the Rainbow Bridge, waiting to greet you some day!

    Try to remember the 16 good years, surely they mean more than that last sad day.
    I've Been Frosted

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    Cincinnati, Ohio USA
    Posts
    11,422
    I am so sorry. Like Karen said, all those years before that day, you cannot let those be for nothing. Please don't self-loathe, it serves no purpose, and does not honor your special pup. Remember all the good times.

  4. #4
    I am so sorry to hear about your terrible loss of your beloved Asya. You must mourn and grieve but I believe the love you shared was mutual and if things were reversed you would never want Asya to blame her beautiful self for such a tragic accident. No, never! Please be gentle and kind to yourself, your love will never, ever end. Bless your heart.

  5. #5
    Thank you for all your kind responses!

    I miss you so much, and love you forever. Forgive me for not saving you! You were the most important being to me, and that will never change!

    My beautiful baby grandma, almost 16.
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  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    3,790
    Blog Entries
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    Kadoka I am sorry this happened to you & your sweet Asya. Life is never sure for anyone or anything at anytime. You just never know when things are going to happen & if you are going to be in the right place at the right time or the wrong place at the wrong time. Don't blame yourself, find peace in knowing you & Asya have had a wonderful life together.
    "I've been defrosted by Cassiesmom" Spring is here somewhere?

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Northern cyberspace
    Posts
    1,843
    No matter how vigilant we are there are always accidents that can happen and this was just one of those ...a pure accident and had nothing to do with you being responsible. You shared so many good years together, try to remember just the good memories in honour of the love your little pup gave you---she would be very unhappy to see you so distressed. She knew how much you loved and cared for her and you gave her the best that you could.
    Asiel


    I've been defrosted---thanks cassiesmom

    I've been Boo'd -

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