As you may know, I'm living on disability pension for a while now, and since that pension isn't much (below the poverty line), I have now to apply for additional welfare; more precisely: basic security. This is what a feared for a long time, as the social welfare department has now the utter control of everything going on in my life. What fears me most is that my apartment is too big. To receive the social benefits, a single person is entitled to live in a place not bigger than 46 square metres, and mine has 68. On the other hand, I don't pay much rent here (the rent for most smaller apartments is even higher), which is why it depends on my case worker whether I can stay here or not, it's up to him to decide how to interpret the laws. I'm completely in that person's hand!
Suffering - among other things - from a severe anxienty disorder corcerning everything existencial (which I developed some years ago when my health started going downhill and when I realized that the day will come that I'm no longer be able to work for a living), this situation is more than frightening. In fact, I'm almost paralized with fear and I'm extremely nervous. I neither have the physical nor the mental strength to move, let alone the money. Here in this apartment, I'm in the lucky position that friends of mine live in the apartment right below, and they help me with the things I'm no longer able to do, like carrying heavy things such as cat litter, or doing the snow shovelling for me. I wouldn't have this help anywhere else, and I would have to pay someone to do this.
My doctor, who is very supportive, has already said she would write a medical certificate for me, saying I'm not able to move for various health reasons. But of course the case manager has the last word in this, so I'm more than nervous these days. Some peace and steadiness in my life is what I need more than anything else!
Oh, and please don't say I should try to make extra money by selling pictures or doing photo shoots. Once I'm in the social welfare department's hands, I won't be allowed to keep any extra money I make. I'm officially poor now, and for the rest of my life, there's no way out. It's hopeless. But I really hope I won't lose my home!