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Thread: Dunno what to do, need your advice

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
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    Cedar Rapids Iowa
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    232

    Dunno what to do, need your advice

    As you may know by now I am currently babysitting a cat named Nyarly for a niece of mine. Thing is its been 2 months now and his progress of adapting to life outside the bedroom is going really slow. I am slowly introducing him to the cats and they do somewhat ok as long as they are apart, but if they see each other one or both will start growling and Alison and Nyarly already had a fight. Also he tends to not want to be down for long, he tends to run to the room because he feels safe there. I don't want to keep him in my room because that is no life for a cat. I know it could be upto a year before she can take him, but there has been no contact from her at all. She have not even visited this cat and we are getting close to having to get rid of him. With the no contact to even ask about the cat, I am thinking she may not even want him.

    My mom is threatening in paying the 50 dollars and surrendering him to the shelter or rehome him. (In our area if you have a pet for 10 days its yours so we tech. own him) He is a type of cat who is sweet, but will hide when scared.

    What should I do? Should I keep working with him, or should re homing him be better? My brother has her number and she has his, and there has been no contact from her. I would think she would want to see him or even check on how he is doing. I am not sure if I am going to be able to get him to where he is fully ok with being left alone with the other cats, and its breaking my heart to have him locked up because I don't feel safe yet leaving him with the others unsupervised.
    In loving memory of Tigger 2003-2009. In loving memory of Ashes 2001-2013.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Alberta, Canada
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    I think perhaps your brother should contact her and say that Nyarly is not adapting well to the other cats and that some decisions have to be made - either the shelter or re-homing him. If she has no one else to rehome him with, I hope you folks know someone. Is your shelter a no-kill?

    If after getting that message she doesn't respond - maybe give her a deadline of a week or whatever - then rehome the poor baby. He deserves a quite and loving home and so do you!
    "Instead of wondering when your next vacation is, maybe you should set up a life that you don't need to escape from." -- Seth Godin

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2000
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    Waltham, MA, USA
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    35,284
    What a spot your niece has left you in! Definitely call your brother and explain the situation to him. In the meantime, do NOT feel guilty about him being just in your room all day - that, after all, is preferable to being stuck in a cage somewhere getting no socialization!
    I've Been Frosted

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Cedar Rapids Iowa
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    232
    Quote Originally Posted by Catty1 View Post
    I think perhaps your brother should contact her and say that Nyarly is not adapting well to the other cats and that some decisions have to be made - either the shelter or re-homing him. If she has no one else to rehome him with, I hope you folks know someone. Is your shelter a no-kill?

    If after getting that message she doesn't respond - maybe give her a deadline of a week or whatever - then rehome the poor baby. He deserves a quite and loving home and so do you!
    My shelter is low kill. But a thing about no kill shelters, is that they are A. picky with what they accept and B. if the animal needs to go, they take it somewhere else to be euthanized so they can retain their no kill status.

    Thanks for the advice so far.
    In loving memory of Tigger 2003-2009. In loving memory of Ashes 2001-2013.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Rhode Island; USA
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    16,484
    My Mandy has lived in a bedroom for over 2 years now. During the day, the door is open. The other cats come and go, but she chooses not to come out. At night and if I will be gone long, I must close the door as Tommy will go in and the 2 of them fight. With her being a petite 6 pound gal and him an 11 pound muscle man, he really could hurt her. While I am home, if he ventures in that room she immediately sounds the alarm, and I run in to squirt him. He KNOWS he is supposed to ignore her. She has food, water, litter boxes (2) in there, and a 3 tier perch with a window view. Outside of that room, I have 8 litter boxes, and of course plenty of water bowls and food (out of the dogs' reach). It is her choice to stay in there, IMO. She is free to come out if she wants. Yeah, Tommy is a pain, but he does this with anyone who lets him. Ebony took over a year to swatch him on the nose and that is all it took.

    So as someone else said, living in a bedroom is not all bad.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    Tabbyville, PA
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    15,833
    Quote Originally Posted by DriftyAlison0 View Post
    My shelter is low kill. But a thing about no kill shelters, is that they are A. picky with what they accept and B. if the animal needs to go, they take it somewhere else to be euthanized so they can retain their no kill status.

    Thanks for the advice so far.
    Wow, I don't know about the no kill shelters in your area, but the ones here (the one I volunteer for) Will NOT kill. They will hold onto the cat and spend a fortune to extend its life, even if its a cat that nobody ever wanted. We are also not picky. We just only take cats in when there's a place to put it OR its young enough thats its highly likely to get adopted right away. Thats just good business sense. How ridiculous to have a rescue taking in random cats and then just letting them hang out in the office! Not worry if we have the food, bedding, resources for them. please do not give no kill shelters a bad rap!

    As for the cat not adapting well, it could be just that its not adapting to a new situation. It does take some cats a long time. I've found a lot of a cats take a while is because its very sensitive to its environment and the people around it. If mom is telling you to just drop it off at the shelter? Chances are she's holding a grudge towards the cat and the cat knows it... and it means the cat will take longer to adapt.

    I kept spending a fortune on my Pouncer each year. He was always sick. He was always stressed. It turned out he was trying to take on my stress. I Changed my behavior around him and now he's one happy laid back cat. Did the vet do anything? No. Did he do anything? No. I changed my behavior and he blossomed. We do not realize the impact our behavior has on a cat's happiness and their ability to adapt to a new home. Look at what is going on with the human/cat interactions as well as the cat/cat interactions. You'll find the answer there.

    Another example of how a human's reaction affects their cat: I noticed Pouncer and Abby fought all the time. I learned that they fought because Abby liked me coming in to "save" her. Once I realized my protectiveness was interfering with their relationship, I stopped getting in the middle of their fights. They stopped fighting almost imeediately. She growls at him but nothing comes of it. He ignored her and moves past. She looks at me for my reaction and I give her none. She lets him pass.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Rhode Island; USA
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    Realized I didn't "finish my thought," in my posting above.

    Based on Mandy, I'd say Mandy would do better in a home where she is the 'only' cat. But finding such a home is HARD. I mean, most cat lovers have multiples, and even with 1 other, Mandy is going to take ages to settle, unlike my other cats who would need 3 weeks max. And a person who only wants ONE cat, well, they want to be able to interact with that cat. Mandy is not that sort. So for her, this is definitely THE best option for her.

    What is bothering your mom about this situation? Why is she considering putting the kitty in a shelter? It doesn't sound like he is destructive, so I'm not sure where the problem is.

    Maybe if you explained that, we can develop a plan for addressing that concern instead.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Posts
    39,453
    That sound as you say that your niece may have just left a Cat that she no longer cares for you.
    If you can I found find a small room and leave Nyaly there , as sometimes Cats can take a while to adjust.
    Good Luck with that poor scared Cat!!!
    THE RAINBOW BRIDGE FOUND HOTEL ANGELS HAVE A NEW FRIEND IN CORINNA.


    ALMOND ROCCA BATON AND ELLIE ANGELS ARE GUARDIANS TO ETERNAL KITTENS ROCC-EL AND T TEEN ANGEL, ALMOND ROCA , VLAD , PAWLEE , SPRITE. LITTLE HEX, OSIRIS AND ANNIE ANGELS.
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    PRINCESS JOSEPH AND MICHAEL ARE CELEBRATING 19 YEARS AS LUCKY FOUND CATS

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
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    California
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    I fostered a friends cat for four months. He only came out of the room when I was home and even then it was only for very short periods of time. He was just mean to Paizly and was three times her size. He did pounce on her once and it scared me to death. But he was just as happy living in that room. Now that he is back home with his mom.............he's living in another bedroom and he is fine with that.

    I've had Jax for two and a half years now. Paizly still throws a fit if he gets too close to her. BUT she is not stressed out. If she was showing signs of stress I would have had to do something about the situation. Most of the time, like catnapper said, I will just ignore their little tiffs. And sometimes Paizly sounds like she is being killed. But I know she's not, so I don't react.

    I think you could (if everyone in the house is willing) give it some more time to let Alison and Nyarly work things out. Of course under close supervision. And if Nyarly wants to hide out in the bedroom, let him, if it's not a problem for you.
    But you should definitely get in touch with your niece to find out her long-term plans.
    Our goal in life should be - to be as good a person as our dog thinks we are.

    Thank you for the siggy, Michelle!

    Cindy (Human) - Taz (RB Tabby) - Zoee (Australian Shepherd) - Paizly (Dilute Tortie) - Taggart (Aussie Mix) - Jax (Brown & White Tabby)

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