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Thread: Funeral in the family... opinions please

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    Tabbyville, PA
    Posts
    15,826

    Funeral in the family... opinions please

    Its been one stressful and exhausting month. My father in law has been very ill for a couple years, and his illness turned terminal. My husband has been in a rather weird state of denial. My father in law passed away this morning and its just now hitting my husband, many hours later

    I have been working insane hours thanks to the boss deciding the rennovate the store during the beginning of busy season. I've been enjoying an average of one day off every two weeks since the beginning of October. My last day off was last tuesday. My next day off is this Thursday. Yes, as in Thanksgiving. My next day off will be December 7th. I am stressed. Exhausted. Fried.

    The funeral will be Wednesday. Will it seem like I'm using the death as an excuse to take Monday, Tuesday, AND Wednesay off? I know I'll be able to work at least most of Monday. I'm supposed to go to headquearters for training on tuesday; if I'm being 100% honest, I'd take ANY excuse to get out of the training. Its remedial training. I do not need remedial training. They use me as a trainer! but thanks to the move last month, my sales stats slipped. Ugh, gee, if I'm lifting a sofa onto a dolly to move it clear across the store, do you really think I can focus on selling someone a livingroom set? So, because my stats slipped, it company policy to send the slippee to training. Lucky me. I got enrolled.

    Its blowing my mind already with the things I need to get done for this funeral! My husband has no clothes. Yes, as a fully grown adult, he theoretically is capable of buying a new outfit on his own. As a man with mental issues already, sitting besides me having a panic attack? Shopping will be a whole lotta fun. I also have to make a matting with a lot of little cutouts to make collages for the funeral. I've done this for every family member for 20 years. Then I frame them. They take F-o-r-e-v-e-r to lay out and cut. I figured I can take it to work and sit at my desk laying it out if I have to go. Not to mention cleaning the house because people are coming from out of town and staying with us for a couple days. Yikes! Of course I need to go on a marathon cleaning jag.

    And on top of all this, my daughter is due to have the baby any moment now. As in, I can imagine them lowering the casket in to the ground when she screams that her water broke. It seems like this is the luck we're having lately.

    Hmmm..... this kinda wandered a rambling road. I need to know if its weird to ask for Monday through Wednesday off as berievement time. My HR department says I am able to take those days. Its written in the employee handbook. Its just there's a lot going on at work that I do still need to be there for. Maybe work my shift tomorrow night from 5-9 instead of the full 12-9 (because so far there's nobody to cover the second half of my shift) Then take Tuesday off just because I want out of the dang training? Wednesday is obviously off because its the day of the funeral.


    Funny side note. Even with all this stress, we were coming out of the pharmacy tonight and a reporter approached us for their yearly insert where local residents say what they're thankful for (my soon to be born grandson, my husband, my family, and the fact that I have a job!) He took my picture. It made me realize that even in this stressfuly time I DO have things to be happy and greatful for. After we walked to the car, I added to huuby, "I'm thankful I'm skinny for the photo!" As I worried how today was the first day in ages and ages where I walked out the door without makeup. At least I'm skinny, have my husband, my job, and baby Logan on the way

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2000
    Location
    Waltham, MA, USA
    Posts
    36,541
    You have our sympathies. Do tell them you need Tuesday as well as Wednesday off, if you can work a partial shift Monday, that would be it until Friday. Do you have any church friends or people you can ask to help with the cleaning and stuff, maybe if there is a pastor or priest who is going to officiate the funeral, he can recommend somewhere for you husband to go to buy a suit and a couple ties for the two days. I am sure they, and funeral home directors, have bucketloads of experience with that sort of thing. And have any of the kids ever helped with the collage project? That is something even a 9 3/4 months pregnant person could do, cutting out photos and helping, and learning the process for the future.

    You will be in our prayers.
    I've Been Frosted

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Illinois, USA
    Posts
    25,022
    I'm with Karen on this one. When people say, "Is there anything we can do?" you can say, "Yes, as a matter of fact..." and they will step up to help with the house cleaning. That will be a good thing to have done before baby arrives, too. Could someone else take over for you on the shopping trip? As for the training- some people might think you are creating an excuse to take days off, or to get out of required training, but so what. No one knows your work or your level of stress better than you do. Take the days you need. ((((HUGS)))) and prayers--- Elyse
    Yikes! I've been Boo'd ... right off of the stage!
    Aaahh, I have been defrosted! Thank you, Bonny and Asiel!
    Brrrr, I've been Frosted! Thank you, Asiel and Pomtzu!


    "That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

    Cassie's Catster page: http://www.catster.com/cats/448678

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    california
    Posts
    8,380
    First of all my sympathies on your father in law to you and your husband. You definetely should take those three days off and not think twice about it, your husband needs you and you have lots to do, thats why the policy is in place.
    don't breed or buy while shelter dogs die....

    I have been frosted!

    Thanks Kfamr for the signature!


  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Rhode Island; USA
    Posts
    16,833
    I am so sorry for your loss. Sorry for your husband's loss as well.

    Take all the time you are allowed. You don't get points for working when you "could" be off! Family first! And that means YOUR SANITY is #1, hubby and all the rest fall in line behind YOU.
    Thank you Karen, for fixing my siggy!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    California
    Posts
    11,597
    I agree with everyone who posted before me. Also, I am very sorry for your family's loss.
    Our goal in life should be - to be as good a person as our dog thinks we are.

    Thank you for the siggy, Michelle!

    Cindy (Human) - Taz (RB Tabby) - Zoee (Australian Shepherd) - Paizly (Dilute Tortie) - Taggart (Aussie Mix) - Jax (Brown & White Tabby)

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Location
    Iowa
    Posts
    2,360
    So sorry for you loss. Agree with what everyone has said. I went back too early after my dad died. You need that time.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    Tabbyville, PA
    Posts
    15,826
    Thank you for your condolences.

    Its been a very stressful few days. It turns out I would have preferred the training to helping my husband. He was in a royal mood yesterday where he baited everyone into fights to get his own anger out.

    The funeral was today and he;s calmed down quite a bit. He's not dealing well with his father's death. Worse than I ever expected. He did so well when his mom passed ten years ago.

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