I typed this out before I got here, because I knew that if I got to the library and started talking about it, I would start crying... So, here it is.
Roxy; November 16, 2001 - July 1, 2010
I never thought I'd be sitting in Dog Memorial typing this anytime soon. I figured it would be a long, long time before I would have to visit this section again to post about the loss of one of my girls.
But here I am, and my heart is absolutely aching, still.
It's been two weeks since we had to have Roxy put to sleep, but I never ever thought it would be happening. I knew she was getting old and she was bound to have health problems, but I never expected them to spring up so suddenly.
Having her put to sleep was the hardest decision I think that I've ever had to make. I was so afraid I was giving up on her, but as I looked at her, I knew that it was time. She didn't know who we were, she didn't respond to her name, and she didn't respond to food. That was always a sign something was up with her, she loved to eat.
So, I just want to say a few words to Roxy, in hopes that she knows how true every single one of them was.
July 24, 2002. We went to the animal shelter, expecting to get a Yorkie. Well, the Yorkie had been returned to his owners. I was a little sad at first. When we had first been to the shelter the previous Friday, or maybe it was Saturday, you were sitting there in your cage, looking all happy at all the people that passed you by, hoping one of them would love you and take you home. I smiled at you, thinking you were a cute dog. As we walked down the rows of cages the Monday that we came back, there you sat. You looked up at us, grinning. My mom looked at me and I looked at her. They had already named you Roxy and she said, “Would you like to take Roxy home with us?” I nodded enthusiastically and you got spayed the next day. You were on your last day, if we hadn't been there, you would have been put to sleep the next day. If I could go back to that day and do it all over again, knowing what I know now and knowing that I would lose you after nearly eight years, I would do it in a heartbeat.
From the moment we brought you in the door, I knew that you were special. You were going to be my dog. And you were. I called you my soulmate and you lived up to that title till you were gone. You taught me so much. You taught me how to love, you taught me how to laugh, and you always could make me smile. I learned so much from you, Roxy. I became a better pet owner, and learned many new things that I would never have found without you.
We grew up together. I have so many simple memories that now I look back on and smile. I smile through the tears, knowing that I'll never get to see you smile again and I'll never get to watch you beg for a treat. I remember the days when you would take my stuffed animals and carry them through the house. You'd look at us sneakily as you walked through the living room and we would only laugh. You never chewed them, you treated them very well. I remember how you would sit on the porch and let me dress you in clothes and paint your toenails. You were such a good girl, you were always so gentle. People were afraid of you because of your size and your bark, but you would have only rolled over for them to rub your belly if they dare come towards you. I remember when we used to bring you into the house and you would lay at my feet as I perused the internet. At night when I lay down to go to sleep, you would cuddle against my side. You kept me warm in the winter and kept me company when I was lonely. I remember the time you ate a puppy pad and then your stomach didn't agree with that, thank god, and you threw it back up. Good job, goofus. I remember how you used to get excited when we would pull into Pappy's driveway. You were always happy to see me and happy that we were going to feed you. You barked at me until I brought your food and water out to you and I would only laugh. You happy barked at me every day. I miss your happy bark, so much. I remember you laying at my feet and snoring. You had the cutest snore. I remember our walks to the duck pond and how you loved to sit and stare at the ducks, probably pondering how to get them to come closer so you could eat one for breakfast. You used to love going on walks. We would take a rest and you would sit contentedly with me, and we were happy. I remember when I was younger, we would go riding on my bicycle. You pulled me up the road and we always got our exercise. You also loved car rides. You'd hang your head out the window and your little dog tag would tinkle in the wind. I also remember the time we took you to the park and then took you to Dairy Queen and bought you an ice cream cone. One would have expected you to take the cone and inhale it like you did most food, but you licked it ever so daintily, one little lick at a time. I remember how much you loved to eat. If I had let you, you probably would have eat anything that didn't eat you first. You loved Beggin' Strips, you loved when we fed you a raw diet, and you loved Doritos. You weren't supposed to have them, but of course we snuck you one every time we could. I remember your sweet brown eyes, your favorite spot to be rubbed on your belly, and your soft ears. I remember everything about you, Roxy girl, but I miss it more than you could ever possibly know.
You were my heart and my soulmate. My heart will always hold a place for you, and my back soon will too when I get a tattoo in your memory. We spent nearly eight years together, we went through some great times and some bad times. But I wouldn't change any of it for the world. You were my best friend, my listener, and you gave sweet, slobbery kisses on my cheek. I miss you so much. As time goes on, I thought it would be easier coping with your absence, but instead of easier, it's only becoming harder. I'm afraid I'm going to forget what you looked like or forget the sound of your happy bark. I'm afraid I'm going to forget what the color of your eyes were or the way your fur felt. I never thought I'd wake up and lose you. I never thought that yesterday would have been the last time I was going to see you happy and healthy. I never thought it would be the last time I would have to feed you, the last time I would ever hear you bark, the last time I ever saw you smile. But now you're gone and I'm so lost without you. Sometimes we drive out to Pappy's and I get excited knowing that I'm going to see you, but then I remember that you're gone. It's going to take a long time to remember that you're not here. I feel like I'm stuck in a dream and when I wake up, it's going to be over. You're going to be here, happy, smiling, and I'm going to get to tell you how much I love you and how much I missed you. But that day isn't going to come; you're really gone and you're really not coming back.
So, all I can say is this: I love you. I always have and I always will. You are always, always, always in my heart, and I miss you so much. If I could do it all over again, I would. I would give anything to spend just another day with you. We would do all of your favorite things and I would tell you how much I loved you. Someday, we'll meet again. I'll see your warm brown eyes, your sweet smile, and I will watch your face light up as you happy bark and run to meet me. Until then, take care. Play hard, eat till your tummy's about to burst, and run free. Live as you did when you were happy and healthy and alive. And most importantly, know how much I love you. I promise you that I always will. Give my love to Tink, Aunt Barbara, Nanny, and all of the other pets and family who I've loved and lost. I love you, Roxy. And I'll see you again.
ETA: Forgot to add this.