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Thread: Our PT joke thread

  1. #331
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Illinois, USA
    Posts
    25,022
    A doctor walks into an exam room and finds his patient seated on the exam table, dressed in a gown, with a banana in his left ear, a carrot stuck like a pencil behind his right ear, and applesauce smeared all over his face. The patient has a distressed expression. "Doctor, can you tell what is wrong with me?" he asks anxiously.

    "Sir, it's very simple," answers the doctor. "You are not eating properly."
    Yikes! I've been Boo'd ... right off of the stage!
    Aaahh, I have been defrosted! Thank you, Bonny and Asiel!
    Brrrr, I've been Frosted! Thank you, Asiel and Pomtzu!


    "That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

    Cassie's Catster page: http://www.catster.com/cats/448678

  2. #332
    Join Date
    Apr 2001
    Location
    indianapolis,indiana usa
    Posts
    22,837

    You Can't Argue With These

    Truism Puns


    I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger
    Then it hit me.

    Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
    He's all right now.

    The short fortune teller who escaped from prison
    was a small medium at large.
    I've Been Boo'd

    I've been Frosted






    Men, it has been well said, think in herds. It will be seen that they go mad in herds, while they only recover their senses slowly, and one by one."
    Charles Mackay, Scottish journalist, circa 1841

  3. #333
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Illinois, USA
    Posts
    25,022

    Five sit-ups a day...
    Yikes! I've been Boo'd ... right off of the stage!
    Aaahh, I have been defrosted! Thank you, Bonny and Asiel!
    Brrrr, I've been Frosted! Thank you, Asiel and Pomtzu!


    "That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

    Cassie's Catster page: http://www.catster.com/cats/448678

  4. #334
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Illinois, USA
    Posts
    25,022
    Q: What is a pirate's favorite letter?
    A: The C.
    Yikes! I've been Boo'd ... right off of the stage!
    Aaahh, I have been defrosted! Thank you, Bonny and Asiel!
    Brrrr, I've been Frosted! Thank you, Asiel and Pomtzu!


    "That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

    Cassie's Catster page: http://www.catster.com/cats/448678

  5. #335
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Indiana
    Posts
    395
    I just finished reading this whole thread, and did a lot of laughing Thanks everybody!
    Owned by one silly Springer Spaniel, with pawprints on my heart left by many other pets!


    Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go, and then do it. --Ann Landers

  6. #336
    Join Date
    Jun 2000
    Location
    Waltham, MA, USA
    Posts
    36,544
    Now you need to tell a joke of your own!
    I've Been Frosted

  7. #337
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Indiana
    Posts
    395
    "I went horseback riding on the weekend," Bill told his friend."How was it?" Sam asked.

    "It started off well; my horse was wonderful. He was trotting kind of fast, but I didn't mind.""Great," said Sam.

    "But then he started to gallop. I got nervous, and before I knew it, my saddle was tilting to the left. In no time I was hanging upside down and my head was bouncing off the ground."

    "Good grief! How did you manage to get off without any broken bones or scratches?" asked Sam.

    "Well, thank goodness the manager at the mall came and turned it off."

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Three brothers in Ireland used to frequent a local pub. Then one moved to America and another to Australia. The lone brother left still went to the pub, but now he ordered three beers, taking a sip from each in turn. The patrons watched him go through this ritual for some time before one of them asked why. "One's for my brother in America, one for my brother in Australia and one for me," he replied.

    After this explanation, the fellow didn't show up at the pub for a month. Then he appeared again and ordered two beers. He drank from one, then the other. One of the patrons went over and extended his condolences for the man's bereavement. "What bereavement?" the chap asked.

    "Well, the loss of one of your brothers," the patron said.

    "My brothers are alive," the fellow corrected. He held up one glass. "This is for my brother in America." He held up the other. "This is for my brother in Australia. And I quit drinking."
    Owned by one silly Springer Spaniel, with pawprints on my heart left by many other pets!


    Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go, and then do it. --Ann Landers

  8. #338
    Join Date
    Jun 2000
    Location
    Waltham, MA, USA
    Posts
    36,544
    Silly!
    I've Been Frosted

  9. #339
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Indiana
    Posts
    395
    A little girl was an only child, and her daddy was at war. One day she approached her mother and said that she would like a little sibling. Her mother said that would be nice, but they would have to wait until her daddy got home. To which the little girl replied "We could surprise him!"
    Owned by one silly Springer Spaniel, with pawprints on my heart left by many other pets!


    Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go, and then do it. --Ann Landers

  10. #340
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Alberta, Canada
    Posts
    20,923
    LOL! Wouldn't surprise me if some young kid DID say that!
    "I like physics, but I love cartoons." -- Stephen Hawking

  11. #341
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Illinois, USA
    Posts
    25,022

    Polar Vortex Songs

    I saw these on Twitter (#polarvortexsongs) and I can't stop laughing! Apparently this topic was suggested by Jimmy Fallon. You take a song and change the words slightly to make it fit the winter theme. So if you see me walking down the street, giggling helplessly to myself, you'll know I'm thinking about these and trying to stay warm!

    A few examples ... Brrr'd lines (Blurred Lines - Robin Thicke)
    Negative 867-5309
    Can You Feel Your Face Tonight
    Don't Go Taking My Scarf
    Wake Me Up Before You Snowplow
    We Didn't Salt the Sidewalk (We Didn't Start the Fire - Billy Joel)
    It's Too Cold for That (No Igloo) [I Can't Go for That / No Can Do - Hall and Oates]
    All You Need Is Glove
    Hey, I just met you / And this is crazy / My ears are numb now / So thaw me maybe
    Baby, It's $*&$ Cold Outside
    Yikes! I've been Boo'd ... right off of the stage!
    Aaahh, I have been defrosted! Thank you, Bonny and Asiel!
    Brrrr, I've been Frosted! Thank you, Asiel and Pomtzu!


    "That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

    Cassie's Catster page: http://www.catster.com/cats/448678

  12. #342
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Illinois, USA
    Posts
    25,022
    From my neighbor's grandson, age 6...
    Q: Where does the Easter bunny go for Easter brunch?
    A: IHOP!
    Yikes! I've been Boo'd ... right off of the stage!
    Aaahh, I have been defrosted! Thank you, Bonny and Asiel!
    Brrrr, I've been Frosted! Thank you, Asiel and Pomtzu!


    "That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

    Cassie's Catster page: http://www.catster.com/cats/448678

  13. #343
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Illinois, USA
    Posts
    25,022
    Wouldn't this be "a Pez dispenser / filled with Xanax / in my desk at work", though? Either way, it gave me a BIG laugh!


    Yikes! I've been Boo'd ... right off of the stage!
    Aaahh, I have been defrosted! Thank you, Bonny and Asiel!
    Brrrr, I've been Frosted! Thank you, Asiel and Pomtzu!


    "That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

    Cassie's Catster page: http://www.catster.com/cats/448678

  14. #344
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Illinois, USA
    Posts
    25,022
    From a musician page I follow on facebook. B flat, G flat and E flat walk into a bar. The bar tender says: "I'm sorry; we don't serve minors here."
    Yikes! I've been Boo'd ... right off of the stage!
    Aaahh, I have been defrosted! Thank you, Bonny and Asiel!
    Brrrr, I've been Frosted! Thank you, Asiel and Pomtzu!


    "That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

    Cassie's Catster page: http://www.catster.com/cats/448678

  15. #345
    Join Date
    Jun 2000
    Location
    Waltham, MA, USA
    Posts
    36,544
    Quote Originally Posted by cassiesmom View Post
    Wouldn't this be "a Pez dispenser / filled with Xanax / in my desk at work", though? Either way, it gave me a BIG laugh!


    Yes, it should be. There are too many grammatically incorrect things like this going around Facebook!
    I've Been Frosted

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