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Thread: Our PT joke thread

  1. #301
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    An Airplane Story....

    An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

    The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
    “Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.

    "OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

    The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
    To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death, when you don't know crap?"
    And then she went back to reading her book.


    "I'm Back !!"

  2. #302
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    LOL Wom on your Airplane Story.. That was a Good One..

    ~~~Thank You Very Much {Kim} kimlovescats for the Grand Siggy~~~

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  3. #303
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    Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they know they are in love.

    One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.

    Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."

    Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Bruce, you are only 10.. Where will you two live?"

    Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies, "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

    Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay, then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."

    Again, Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance, Jenny makes five bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, so that should do us just fine."

    Mr. Smith is impressed Bruce has put so much thought into this.

    "Well Bruce, it seems like you have everything figured out. I just have one more question. What will you do if the two of you should have little children of your own?"

    Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, we've been lucky so far."

    Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little **** is adorable

  4. #304
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    Grace - roflmbo!!!
    "To begin, begin." ~William Wordsworth

  5. #305
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grace View Post
    Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they know they are in love.

    One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.

    Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."

    Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Bruce, you are only 10.. Where will you two live?"

    Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies, "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

    Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay, then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."

    Again, Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance, Jenny makes five bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, so that should do us just fine."

    Mr. Smith is impressed Bruce has put so much thought into this.

    "Well Bruce, it seems like you have everything figured out. I just have one more question. What will you do if the two of you should have little children of your own?"

    Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, we've been lucky so far."

    Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little **** is adorable
    HAH !!!!! That is too good.....love it.


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  6. #306
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    "To begin, begin." ~William Wordsworth

  7. #307
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    THIS OUGHT TO MAKE ALL GRANDPAS FEEL WARM & FUZZY



    A six year old goes to the hospital with her grandmother to visit her Grandpa.

    When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her Grandma and bursts into her Grandpa's room ..."Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly, "As soon as Grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"

    "What?" said her Grandpa.

    "Make a noise like a frog - because Grandma said that as soon as you croak, we’re all going to Disney Land !!!


    "I'm Back !!"

  8. #308
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    Stories about children and their views of the world are always touching.


    A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he
    reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was.

    Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.


    He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention.
    He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.


    'Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?' she asked. 'They're mating,' her father replied.

    'What do you call the spider on top?' she asked. A Daddy Longlegs,' her father answered. 'So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?' the little girl asked.

    As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied, 'No dear.Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.' The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then lifted her foot and stomped them flat.

    'Well", she said, "that may be OK in California, but we're not having any of that **** in Texas."
    I've Been Boo'd

    I've been Frosted






    Today is the oldest you've ever been, and the youngest you'll ever be again.

    Eleanor Roosevelt

  9. #309
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    While creating Husbands, God promised Women that good and ideal Husbands
    would be found in all corners of the world.



    ``And then he made the earth round``.


    "I'm Back !!"

  10. #310
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    Posted by Husky Mom on Facebook:

    An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 a. m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, "I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body." The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replies, "That would be my wife."
    "To begin, begin." ~William Wordsworth

  11. #311
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    At a wedding party recently someone yelled -

    "All the married men please stand next to the
    one person who has made your life worth living."

    The bartender was crushed to death . . . !!!

  12. #312
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    The plane leaves Heathrow Airport under the control of a Jewish captain; his co-pilot is Chinese.
    It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.

    Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, 'I don't like Chinese..'

    'No rike Chinese?' asks the co-pilot, 'why not?'

    'You people bombed Pearl Harbor , that's why!'

    'No, no', the co-pilot protests, 'Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah! That Japanese, not Chinese.'

    'Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese....doesn't matter, you're all alike!'

    There's a few minutes of silence.

    'I no rike Jews!' the co-pilot suddenly announces.

    'Oh yeah, why not?' asks the captain.

    'Jews sink Titanic!' says the co-pilot.

    'What? You're insane! Jews didn't sink the Titanic!' exclaims the captain, 'It was an iceberg!'

    Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg , ..no mattah...all same


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  13. #313
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    Quote Originally Posted by wombat2u2004 View Post
    The plane leaves Heathrow Airport under the control of a Jewish captain; his co-pilot is Chinese.
    It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.

    Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, 'I don't like Chinese..'

    'No rike Chinese?' asks the co-pilot, 'why not?'

    'You people bombed Pearl Harbor , that's why!'

    'No, no', the co-pilot protests, 'Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah! That Japanese, not Chinese.'

    'Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese....doesn't matter, you're all alike!'

    There's a few minutes of silence.

    'I no rike Jews!' the co-pilot suddenly announces.

    'Oh yeah, why not?' asks the captain.

    'Jews sink Titanic!' says the co-pilot.

    'What? You're insane! Jews didn't sink the Titanic!' exclaims the captain, 'It was an iceberg!'

    Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg , ..no mattah...all same
    This one is bordering on offensive.

  14. #314
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    Quote Originally Posted by happylabs View Post
    This one is bordering on offensive.
    ??????
    There is nothing offensive about this joke. It's no different than the Kiwi and Aussie jokes that have been posted elsewhere.


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  15. #315
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    Quote Originally Posted by wombat2u2004 View Post
    ??????
    There is nothing offensive about this joke. It's no different than the Kiwi and Aussie jokes that have been posted elsewhere.
    Okay.

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