Page 20 of 24 FirstFirst ... 101112131415161718192021222324 LastLast
Results 286 to 300 of 356

Thread: Our PT joke thread

  1. #286
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    8,167
    Quote Originally Posted by Marigold2 View Post
    No wonder we were all mesmerized. Disney programmed us!
    No wonder we were all mesmerized. Disney programmed us!






















    Theres no pic mate.


    "I'm Back !!"

  2. #287
    No wonder we were all mesmerized. Disney programmed us!










  3. #288
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    8,167

    Beer Troubleshooting Guide



    "I'm Back !!"

  4. #289
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Alberta, Canada
    Posts
    21,237
    "To begin, begin." ~William Wordsworth

  5. #290
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Alberta, Canada
    Posts
    21,237
    A priest, rabbi and minister walk into a bar.

    The bartender says, "What is this - some kind of joke?"

    "To begin, begin." ~William Wordsworth

  6. #291
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    8,167
    WOMAN PREGNANT AT 71


    A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall.

    An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.
    After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.

    The older doctor marched down the hallway back to where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard.
    "What the hell is the matter with you?!" the older doctor demanded. "Mrs. Terry is 71 years old! She has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"

    The younger doctor continued writing and, without looking up, said,
    "Well, does she still have the hiccups?"


    "I'm Back !!"

  7. #292
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    Kentucky, LAND OF THE EASILY AMUSED
    Posts
    24,921
    What's the difference between Vancouver and Greece?

    Greece doesn't have a hockey team.

  8. #293
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Illinois, USA
    Posts
    25,515
    And now, a dog joke told by a co-worker's son, who is 8 and loves animals--

    Q: What did the German Shepherd get when he graduated from college?
    A: A dog-gree!
    I've been Boo'd ... right off the stage!

    Aaahh, I have been defrosted! Thank you, Bonny and Asiel!
    Brrrr, I've been Frosted! Thank you, Asiel and Pomtzu!


    "That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

    "We consume our tomorrows fretting about our yesterdays." -- Persius, first century Roman poet

    Cassie's Catster page: http://www.catster.com/cats/448678

  9. #294
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    trenton, new jersey
    Posts
    7,824
    One Sunday morning little Alex was at church with his mom and dad. While they were talking to other congregants little Alex stood looking at the copper plaque on the wall. The Pastor was standing next to him when Alex looked up and said, "Pastor, what's that?" while pointing to the plaque. The Pastor told him it's a memorial to the people who died in the service. After a few moments Alex said, "Pastor, did they die at the 9:00 or the 11:45?"
    FIND A PURPOSE IN LIFE.....BE A BAD EXAMPLE

  10. #295
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    8,167
    How It All Began
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    In the beginning ....


    In ancient Israel , it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com
    did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a
    comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often
    called
    Amazon Dot Com.

    And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from
    town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"

    And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of
    a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"

    And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between
    to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you
    who hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery
    made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

    Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the
    drums.
    And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the
    goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.
    To prevent neighbouring countries from overhearing what the drums were
    saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as
    Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to
    transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew To The People (HTTP).

    And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly
    take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican
    Sybarites, or NERDS.

    And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the
    deafening
    sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that
    enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every
    drum maker in the land. And indeed did insist on drums to be made that would
    work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.

    And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by
    others."
    And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel , or eBay as it came to be
    known. He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."

    And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO," said
    Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

    Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid
    (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around
    the countryside. It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating
    Everything (GOOGLE).

    And that's how it all began !


    "I'm Back !!"

  11. #296
    Where do bees go to the bathroom?







    At the BP Station

  12. #297
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Ann Arbor, Michigan, USA
    Posts
    13,493
    Quote Originally Posted by wombat2u2004 View Post
    How It All Began
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    In the beginning ....


    In ancient Israel , it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com
    did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a
    comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often
    called
    Amazon Dot Com.

    And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from
    town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"

    And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of
    a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"

    And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between
    to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you
    who hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery
    made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

    Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the
    drums.
    And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the
    goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.
    To prevent neighbouring countries from overhearing what the drums were
    saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as
    Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to
    transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew To The People (HTTP).

    And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly
    take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican
    Sybarites, or NERDS.

    And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the
    deafening
    sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that
    enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every
    drum maker in the land. And indeed did insist on drums to be made that would
    work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.

    And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by
    others."
    And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel , or eBay as it came to be
    known. He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."

    And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO," said
    Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

    Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid
    (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around
    the countryside. It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating
    Everything (GOOGLE).

    And that's how it all began !
    Very funny. I love it!
    I've been Frosted (thanks, Elyse and Karen!).

    I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
    Death thought about it.
    "Cats," he said eventually. "Cats are nice."

    -- Terry Pratchett, Sourcery

  13. #298
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    8,167
    Investment Tips for 2011

    For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some
    BIG bucks.

    Watch for these consolidations in 2011:

    1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush,
    and W. R. Grace Co.
    Will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.

    2. Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces
    and become: Poly, Warner Cracker.

    3. 3M will merge with Goodyear and become: MMMGood.

    4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become: ZipAudiDoDa.

    5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP.

    6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers
    will become: Fairwell Honeychild.

    7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become: PouponPants.

    8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women
    will become: Knott NOW!

    And finally....

    9. Victoria 's Secret and Smith & Wesson will merge under
    the new name: TittyTittyBangBang


    "I'm Back !!"

  14. #299
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Illinois, USA
    Posts
    25,515


    This just cracked me up when I saw it!
    I've been Boo'd ... right off the stage!

    Aaahh, I have been defrosted! Thank you, Bonny and Asiel!
    Brrrr, I've been Frosted! Thank you, Asiel and Pomtzu!


    "That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

    "We consume our tomorrows fretting about our yesterdays." -- Persius, first century Roman poet

    Cassie's Catster page: http://www.catster.com/cats/448678

  15. #300
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Utah
    Posts
    5,525
    Hehe this one comes from the Hangover 2, couldn't resist.

    What do you get when you mix a Shihtzu with a Bull Dog?

    A Bullshit haha

    *Sammy*Springen*Molli*

Similar Threads

  1. Cat Joke Thread.
    By RICHARD in forum Cat General
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 04-13-2008, 01:31 PM
  2. joke thread
    By popcornbird in forum General
    Replies: 1288
    Last Post: 10-11-2006, 10:32 AM
  3. how about a joke thread... (?)
    By beeniesmom in forum Dog House
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 07-12-2005, 02:53 AM
  4. ANIMAL Joke thread
    By Randi in forum General
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 02-25-2004, 09:58 AM
  5. ~*~ Joke Thread ~*~
    By ILoveMyAbbyGirl in forum General
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 04-18-2003, 07:18 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Copyright © 2001-2013 Pet of the Day.com