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Thread: Our PT joke thread

  1. #271
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    Catty1
    Which inspires a spelling joke:

    Q: What ten letter word starts with g-a-s?

    A: Automobile.
    To be politically correct we must remember there are a few of us that their
    Automobile starts and RUNS on Diesel
    “You live and you learn, but if you never learn, at least you are still living.”
    — Unknown

  2. #272
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bonny View Post
    I bare to differ here. Wombat, If you didn't drive such a piece of junk in the first place & if you would of taken care of it, it would not be a piece of junk now. So go to your room an sulk like a sissy boy.
    Well, it's just that there is a time and a place for everything. And this is not the place or time to be talking about the plight of older automobiles.
    It's just that they deserve MORE respect than that.
    We have to draw the line somewhere, or else the next thing you know Candace will be posting jokes about tractors. Did you know that tractors and other assorted farm machinery are really close to my heart ?? Yes, I've always been very hurt by the fact that these wonderful bits of equipment can be discarded after a lifetime of hard work. And then you get someone like Candace coming along and making jokes about them....HAH !!! I mean, what total disregard. How insulting. I'm flabbergasted.


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  3. #273
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    Quote Originally Posted by wombat2u2004 View Post
    Well, it's just that there is a time and a place for everything. And this is not the place or time to be talking about the plight of older automobiles.
    It's just that they deserve MORE respect than that.
    We have to draw the line somewhere, or else the next thing you know Candace will be posting jokes about tractors. Did you know that tractors and other assorted farm machinery are really close to my heart ?? Yes, I've always been very hurt by the fact that these wonderful bits of equipment can be discarded after a lifetime of hard work. And then you get someone like Candace coming along and making jokes about them....HAH !!! I mean, what total disregard. How insulting. I'm flabbergasted.
    Calm down now Wombat, here is a farm handkerchief to blow your honker of a nose. Candace was just having fun this is the joke forum you know. Farm tractors and equipment have to bite the dust sometime after years of hard work. But there is a good market out there for iron and it brings $$$$$. They get their respect one way or the other look at all those big huge wind turbines made from recycled tractors, plows, etc. Now straighten up & get over it they are all just junk in the end, but recyclable mate.

  4. #274
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bonny View Post
    Calm down now Wombat, here is a farm handkerchief to blow your honker of a nose. Candace was just having fun this is the joke forum you know. Farm tractors and equipment have to bite the dust sometime after years of hard work. But there is a good market out there for iron and it brings $$$$$. They get their respect one way or the other look at all those big huge wind turbines made from recycled tractors, plows, etc. Now straighten up & get over it they are all just junk in the end, but recyclable mate.
    Yeah well, they may be junk, and they may be recyclable, but they are close to my heart and deserve the respect that is due to them.
    Poor little baby tractors....sob sob.


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  5. #275
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    No tractors were harmed in the posting of this joke. Honest.

    A farmer has three sons.
    One day, his oldest boy comes to him and pleads with him that he is graduating from school and would really like to get a car.

    His father says, "Son, come with me." He takes him to the barn and points to the farm tractor and says, "That tractor is needed here on the farm and I promise that as soon as it's paid for, we'll get you a car."
    The boy was not too happy but he did understand that situation and said, "Okay, Dad."

    A week later, his second son (10 years old) approaches him wanting a new two-wheel bicycle. Well, he gets the same excuse. "as soon as that tractor is paid for."

    Shortly, a few days later, son number 3, his youngest, comes bugging him for a tricycle.

    Again, ol' Dad gives him the lecture about the tractor being paid for first. While leaving the barn, the young boy, more than a little disgusted with the whole thing, sees a rooster mating with one of the hens and promptly goes over and kicks the rooster smooth off the hen's back, mumbling to himself the whole time.

    His dad says, "Son, why on earth would you do something like that? He didn't do anything to you to deserve that!"

    The little boy looks his Dad right square in the eye and says, "Hey, nobody rides anything around here until that d*** tractor is paid for!"
    "To begin, begin." ~William Wordsworth

  6. #276
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    Quote Originally Posted by Catty1 View Post
    No tractors were harmed in the posting of this joke. Honest.

    A farmer has three sons.
    One day, his oldest boy comes to him and pleads with him that he is graduating from school and would really like to get a car.

    His father says, "Son, come with me." He takes him to the barn and points to the farm tractor and says, "That tractor is needed here on the farm and I promise that as soon as it's paid for, we'll get you a car."
    The boy was not too happy but he did understand that situation and said, "Okay, Dad."

    A week later, his second son (10 years old) approaches him wanting a new two-wheel bicycle. Well, he gets the same excuse. "as soon as that tractor is paid for."

    Shortly, a few days later, son number 3, his youngest, comes bugging him for a tricycle.

    Again, ol' Dad gives him the lecture about the tractor being paid for first. While leaving the barn, the young boy, more than a little disgusted with the whole thing, sees a rooster mating with one of the hens and promptly goes over and kicks the rooster smooth off the hen's back, mumbling to himself the whole time.

    His dad says, "Son, why on earth would you do something like that? He didn't do anything to you to deserve that!"

    The little boy looks his Dad right square in the eye and says, "Hey, nobody rides anything around here until that d*** tractor is paid for!"
    The poor Rooster got the butt end of the deal. That dumb kid shouldn't of kicked the rooster off of the hen because the hen would of laid eggs and there would of been baby chicks, that would of grown up & the hens would of laid eggs, so the farmers wife could sell them in town, the money could of been used to pay off the tractor. It probably would of taken 20 years to pay the tractor off but what the heck.

  7. #277
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bonny View Post
    The poor Rooster got the butt end of the deal. That dumb kid shouldn't of kicked the rooster off of the hen because the hen would of laid eggs and there would of been baby chicks, that would of grown up & the hens would of laid eggs, so the farmers wife could sell them in town, the money could of been used to pay off the tractor. It probably would of taken 20 years to pay the tractor off but what the heck.
    Sheesh Bonny, you've missed your calling in life. You should have been an economist.


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  8. #278
    LOL thats good.
    Quote Originally Posted by Catty1 View Post
    No tractors were harmed in the posting of this joke. Honest.

    A farmer has three sons.
    One day, his oldest boy comes to him and pleads with him that he is graduating from school and would really like to get a car.

    His father says, "Son, come with me." He takes him to the barn and points to the farm tractor and says, "That tractor is needed here on the farm and I promise that as soon as it's paid for, we'll get you a car."
    The boy was not too happy but he did understand that situation and said, "Okay, Dad."

    A week later, his second son (10 years old) approaches him wanting a new two-wheel bicycle. Well, he gets the same excuse. "as soon as that tractor is paid for."

    Shortly, a few days later, son number 3, his youngest, comes bugging him for a tricycle.

    Again, ol' Dad gives him the lecture about the tractor being paid for first. While leaving the barn, the young boy, more than a little disgusted with the whole thing, sees a rooster mating with one of the hens and promptly goes over and kicks the rooster smooth off the hen's back, mumbling to himself the whole time.

    His dad says, "Son, why on earth would you do something like that? He didn't do anything to you to deserve that!"

    The little boy looks his Dad right square in the eye and says, "Hey, nobody rides anything around here until that d*** tractor is paid for!"

  9. #279
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    The Day After


    While walking down the street one day a Member of Parliament is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

    His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

    'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter. 'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.'

    'No problem, just let me in, 'says the man.

    'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity'.
    'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,' says the MP.

    'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.'

    And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

    Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

    They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

    Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly and nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.


    Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises....

    The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

    'Now it's time to visit heaven.'

    So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

    'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity'.

    The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell. '

    So St. Peter escorts him to the lift and he goes down, down, down to hell.

    Now the doors of the lift open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and rubbish.

    He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more rubbish falls from above.

    The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. 'I don't understand,' stammers the MP. Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of rubbish and my friends look miserable.

    What happened?'

    The devil looks at him, smiles and says, 'Yesterday we were campaigning.....

    Today you voted.'


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  10. #280
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    Q: How can you tell if a tree is a dogwood?
    A: By its bark
    I've been Boo'd ... right off the stage!

    Aaahh, I have been defrosted! Thank you, Bonny and Asiel!
    Brrrr, I've been Frosted! Thank you, Asiel and Pomtzu!


    "That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

    Cassie's Catster page: http://www.catster.com/cats/448678

  11. #281
    Glad I finished my coffee before reading that, Wom.

  12. #282
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady's Human View Post
    Glad I finished my coffee before reading that, Wom.
    Drat !!! Missed again.
    I'll get ya next time.


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  13. #283
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    Australia
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    THE DOT


    FINALLY, SOMEONE HAS CLEARED THIS UP.

    For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with tradition or religion, but the Indian embassy in Washington DC has recently revealed the true story.

    When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union.

    On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won a convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop, a taxi cab, or a motel in the United States.
    If nothing is there, he must remain in India to answer telephones and provide us with technical Computer advice.
    __________________


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  14. #284
    The dot. LOL John that is so funny

  15. #285
    No wonder we were all mesmerized. Disney programmed us!
    No wonder we were all mesmerized. Disney programmed us!























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