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Thread: Our PT joke thread

  1. #226
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Illinois, USA
    Posts
    24,688
    Q: Where do snowmen go to dance?
    A: Snowballs!
    Yikes! I've been Boo'd ... right off of the stage!
    Aaahh, I have been defrosted! Thank you, Bonny and Asiel!
    Brrrr, I've been Frosted! Thank you, Asiel and Pomtzu!


    "That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

    Cassie's Catster page: http://www.catster.com/cats/448678

  2. #227
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    8,169
    Quote Originally Posted by cassiesmom View Post
    Q: Where do snowmen go to dance?
    A: Snowballs!
    ROFL


    "I'm Back !!"

  3. #228
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Illinois, USA
    Posts
    24,688
    I heard this joke today and I have to admit, it took me a minute!

    Why don't acrobats perform in the winter?
    Because they only do somersaults!
    Yikes! I've been Boo'd ... right off of the stage!
    Aaahh, I have been defrosted! Thank you, Bonny and Asiel!
    Brrrr, I've been Frosted! Thank you, Asiel and Pomtzu!


    "That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

    Cassie's Catster page: http://www.catster.com/cats/448678

  4. #229
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    8,542
    AIRPORT SCREENING STATISTICS

    Year to date statistics on TSA airport screening -
    from the Department of Homeland Security:




    Terrorist Plots Discovered 0
    Transvestites 133
    Hernias 485
    Hemorrhoid Cases 3,172
    Enlarged Prostates 8,249
    Breast Implants 59,350
    Natural Blondes 3

  5. #230
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Houston, Tx. U.S.A.
    Posts
    236

    Airport screening statistics

    AIRPORT SCREENING STATISTICS

    Though those numbers are fairly accurate,
    don't forget that 11 of those people were individually responsible,
    for having 4 or more of the noted items.
    Sneakers, Becca, Ichabod & NA'vi

    Dogs know that you love them, whether you own them or not
    If you’re not watching FREE TV, you should be !

  6. #231
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Illinois, USA
    Posts
    24,688
    Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine's Day?
    A: I'm stuck on you!


    ()
    Yikes! I've been Boo'd ... right off of the stage!
    Aaahh, I have been defrosted! Thank you, Bonny and Asiel!
    Brrrr, I've been Frosted! Thank you, Asiel and Pomtzu!


    "That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

    Cassie's Catster page: http://www.catster.com/cats/448678

  7. #232
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    8,542
    A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

    The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily.

    So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.

    The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

    The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun...."I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5.00. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00," he says.

    This catches the senior's attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

    The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?"

    The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

    Now, it's the senior's turn He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

    The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net.

    He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.

    He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00. The senior pockets the $500.00 and goes right back to sleep.

    The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"

    The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

  8. #233
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Illinois, USA
    Posts
    24,688
    And now, a St. Patrick's Day joke...

    Q: Why did the guy from Chicago start speaking with an Irish accent on St. Patrick's Day?
    A: Because he wanted to go for brogue.

    (groan)
    Yikes! I've been Boo'd ... right off of the stage!
    Aaahh, I have been defrosted! Thank you, Bonny and Asiel!
    Brrrr, I've been Frosted! Thank you, Asiel and Pomtzu!


    "That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

    Cassie's Catster page: http://www.catster.com/cats/448678

  9. #234
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Illinois, USA
    Posts
    24,688
    A henpecked husband who's had a few is driving home one night when he's pulled over by a police officer.

    "Excuse me, sir; may I ask where you've been tonight?"

    "Why, out for an evening, officer," stammers the man.

    "That's what I thought," says the officer. "It looks like you've had a little too much to drink this evening."

    "That's possible," answers the driver.

    "Did you realize," asks the police officer, folding his arms across his chest, "that your wife fell out of the car two traffic lights back?"

    "Oh, thank heavens," the man sighs in relief. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
    Yikes! I've been Boo'd ... right off of the stage!
    Aaahh, I have been defrosted! Thank you, Bonny and Asiel!
    Brrrr, I've been Frosted! Thank you, Asiel and Pomtzu!


    "That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

    Cassie's Catster page: http://www.catster.com/cats/448678

  10. #235
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Illinois, USA
    Posts
    24,688

    March 14 (3/14) is Pi Day ... get it, 3.14 ---

    So a Pi Day joke...

    What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter?

    Pi a la mode


    (I ice cream!)
    Yikes! I've been Boo'd ... right off of the stage!
    Aaahh, I have been defrosted! Thank you, Bonny and Asiel!
    Brrrr, I've been Frosted! Thank you, Asiel and Pomtzu!


    "That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

    Cassie's Catster page: http://www.catster.com/cats/448678

  11. #236
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    8,169
    Man sitting at home on the verandah with his wife and he says, "I love you."


    She asks, "Is that you or the beer talking?"


    He replies, "It's me............. talking to the beer."


    "I'm Back !!"

  12. #237
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    8,542
    A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked with an old rancher.

    He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

    The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.

    The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!"


    Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.


    "See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land!!

    No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear...do you understand?!!"

    The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.

    A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......


    With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.

    The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....


    (I just love this part....)


    "Your badge, show him your BADGE........!!"

  13. #238

    Easter

    Why is it good to have Alzheimers during Easter?





    You can hide your own Easter eggs.

  14. #239
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Delaware, USA - The First State/Diamond State - home of The Blue Hens
    Posts
    8,925
    Not really very funny or appropriate to post here, especially since there is at least one PT member whose father has this heartbreaking disease. Maybe it wouldn't be so amusing if you had to live with it and care for a loved one everyday who is afflicted with it.
    I've Been Boo'd
    Thanks, Barry
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    My little dogs - two heartbeats at my feet.
    by Edith Wharton & Me
    Sparky the Fuzzbutt - PT's DOTD 8/3/2010
    RIP 2/28/1999~10/9/2012
    Myndi the Fuzzbutt - Mom's DOTD - Everyday
    RIP 1/24/1996~8/9/2013
    Ellie - Mom to the Fuzzbuttz

    To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.
    Ecclesiastes 3:1
    The clock of life is wound but once and no man has the power
    To know just when the hands will stop - on what day, or what hour.
    Now is the only time you have, so live it with a will -
    Don't wait until tomorrow - the hands may then be still.
    ~~~~true author unknown~~~~

  15. #240
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    california
    Posts
    8,377
    Quote Originally Posted by pomtzu View Post
    Not really very funny or appropriate to post here, especially since there is at least one PT member whose father has this heartbreaking disease. Maybe it wouldn't be so amusing if you had to live with it and care for a loved one everyday who is afflicted with it.
    Thank you my father suffered from this for 10 years before he died. It was heartbreaking and not something to joke about in my opinion.
    don't breed or buy while shelter dogs die....

    I have been frosted!

    Thanks Kfamr for the signature!


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