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Thread: 16 year old student marries 40 year old

  1. #31
    Quote Originally Posted by Giselle
    I'm going to assume that most of you are well over the age of 20, at least. As an almost 16-year-old, I can tell you that, no, many of my peers are not mature enough to handle marriage, and, no, most of them can't differentiate between true love and infatuation. Yes, age is just a number and love has no physical limitations or boundaries. However, this GIRL is just 16. In this modern world where a large number of teens leave home at age 18 not to start their careers but to continue their education, I firmly feel 16 is not the age to begin a marriage to somebody 24 years older. I don't see why she wanted to rush this. Why not continue dating and wait a few years (i.e. when she enters college??).

    And, I have to disagree. There is a lot of mental and physical development that takes place between 16 and 18. There've been a good deal of studies regarding young teens and their ability/mental maturity to drive a car. At 16, it's undeniable that our brains are still in a fast rate of growth and development. Maybe I should stick my head out from my books, but that's my belief.



    Congratulations Giselle, you appear to be very well in touch with reality. This was by far the most mature response on the subject.

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giselle
    I'm going to assume that most of you are well over the age of 20, at least. As an almost 16-year-old, I can tell you that, no, many of my peers are not mature enough to handle marriage, and, no, most of them can't differentiate between true love and infatuation. Yes, age is just a number and love has no physical limitations or boundaries. However, this GIRL is just 16. In this modern world where a large number of teens leave home at age 18 not to start their careers but to continue their education, I firmly feel 16 is not the age to begin a marriage to somebody 24 years older. I don't see why she wanted to rush this. Why not continue dating and wait a few years (i.e. when she enters college??).

    And, I have to disagree. There is a lot of mental and physical development that takes place between 16 and 18. There've been a good deal of studies regarding young teens and their ability/mental maturity to drive a car. At 16, it's undeniable that our brains are still in a fast rate of growth and development. Maybe I should stick my head out from my books, but that's my belief.

    I definitely have to agree with you! I'm almost 18 years old and I know plenty of peers who think they are in love but are far from it. One example is a boyfriend from when I was 15. He told me he loved me when we had only been dating for about 3 weeks. My answer was "Uhh thanks" When he asked why I didn't say it back, I simply replied I didn't know him well enough to love him. Sure I loved him as a friend but I don't believe true loves comes along until you really have been with that person and known them. Needless to say I dumped him a couple of weeks later, way too immature for me. Happily have been single since. Anyways not trying to make this about me, but hopefully some people will understand seeing it come from us Youngins. I just don't think she is mentally stable enough to be married, in my sociology class we learned the difference between adults and teens and even about how love occurs.
    "To all the dogs I've loved before...Who traveled in & out my door...I'm glad you came along...I dedicate this song to all the dogs I've loved before"

  3. #33
    It really depends completely on the individuals involved. I've seen marriages between relatively young people work, and marriages between "mature" (chronologically only) people fail.

    Being in the military, you meet people from all areas of the US, who come from all types of backgrounds. In some areas a 16 y/o getting married wouldn't be unusual at all. (This created some interesting issues for the Army when someone from a state where the legal age for marriage was 16 moved with their spouse to a state where the legal age was 18. In some instances the Army had a hell of a time fighting legal issues involving statutory rape, transport of a minor across state lines, etc.)
    The one eyed man in the kingdom of the blind wasn't king, he was stoned for seeing light.

  4. #34
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    What about Celine Dion's creepy husband?

    She's creepy too, but I digress..

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    Mary Kay Letourneau is still married to the kid she "raped"

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  5. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by RICHARD
    What about Celine Dion's creepy husband?

    She's creepy too, but I digress..
    You do raise an interesting point.

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by mike001
    Congratulations Giselle, you appear to be very well in touch with reality. This was by far the most mature response on the subject.
    LOL....thats only because Giselle agrees with your point of view !!!!! And that statement is only YOUR opinion. And REALITY ???? I think not.
    We have seen on this thread, so many examples on each side of the argument, some successful, others unsuccessful. So hey....what is the true message here ????? As Crow Noir pointed out quite correctly along the lines of "We are all human, we all react differently, we all have different needs, we all mature differently, and that,s what makes us all unique as individuals".
    The fact is, we are ALL VERY different, and the sooner we stop putting our own expectations on others the better.
    I say good luck to this couple, and I sincerely hope that it all works out for them.
    Wom

  7. #37
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    This is the first time I've read this thread and a little surprised this is "THE" thread.

    As a teacher, I think the man made a poor choice, but, if they are in love, they are in love. Like LH said, it depends on the state. If in NC the legal age of consent is 16, then they did nothing wrong. Teachers, however, for one reason or another, are held to a higher standard when it comes to this stuff. I'm too old now and too fat for kids to have a crush on me, but, I know there are kids that have crushes on their teachers. Sometimes it's just that, and other times, AFTER the student gets out of school they date and marry. I had one of my student teachers fall in love with and marry one of his students (that was when he was student teaching in high school). They had a couple of kids, unfortunately, they are divorcing, but, I seriously doubt it has anything to do with him being her teacher 12 years ago.

    I also agree with Liz that the parents obviously were oblivious to their daughter's goings on and when they figured it out, it was "too late".

    Honestly, when it comes right down to it, it's no one's business but theirs. Just a thought or 2 from an oldster teacher.


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  8. #38
    Quote Originally Posted by wombat2u2004
    LOL....thats only because Giselle agrees with your point of view !!!!! And that statement is only YOUR opinion. And REALITY ???? I think not.
    We have seen on this thread, so many examples on each side of the argument, some successful, others unsuccessful. So hey....what is the true message here ????? As Crow Noir pointed out quite correctly along the lines of "We are all human, we all react differently, we all have different needs, we all mature differently, and that,s what makes us all unique as individuals".
    The fact is, we are ALL VERY different, and the sooner we stop putting our own expectations on others the better.
    I say good luck to this couple, and I sincerely hope that it all works out for them.
    Wom

    No, not at all. It's because Giselle and Animal-lover sound like two very mature teens themselves and what better opinion than from someone in that age bracket. I would be proud to have the two of them as daughters with that kind of level headed thinking. Any mother letting a 14 yr old start dating a man old enough to be her father sounds a bit off the wall to me. At 14 a girl is still a child and at 16 her body might look adult but is very far from it, she still has a lot of developing to do, bodywise and brainwise.
    I never said they did anything wrong, I just said that in today's world, teens have a hard enough time coping with their education and the world around them without looking for more problems by getting married and bringing children into the world. Sounds too much like a soap opera to me.
    Again I repeat my congratulations to Giselle and Animal Lover for their maturity.

  9. #39
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    Only time will tell.

    On one hand ... my grandparents married when my grandma was fourteen and my grandpa was twenty-five! They were SO in love for sixty-seven years of marriage until my grandpa died.

    On the other hand ... what one wants at sixteen is usually VASTLY different from what one wants later on in life. Obviously not always, since some May-December romances last in the long run. But most of us change a LOT from sixteen to twenty, or twenty-five. My son is sixteen and there is no WAY he knows what he wants from a life-long partner. He is still so much a child in many ways.
    "We give dogs the time we can spare, the space we can spare and the love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made" - M. Facklam

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  10. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by mike001
    No, not at all. It's because Giselle and Animal-lover sound like two very mature teens themselves and what better opinion than from someone in that age bracket. I would be proud to have the two of them as daughters with that kind of level headed thinking. Any mother letting a 14 yr old start dating a man old enough to be her father sounds a bit off the wall to me. At 14 a girl is still a child and at 16 her body might look adult but is very far from it, she still has a lot of developing to do, bodywise and brainwise.
    I never said they did anything wrong, I just said that in today's world, teens have a hard enough time coping with their education and the world around them without looking for more problems by getting married and bringing children into the world. Sounds too much like a soap opera to me.
    Again I repeat my congratulations to Giselle and Animal Lover for their maturity.
    Yes....I know what your saying Mike, and I do agree with you to a certain extent. However I'm still of the opinion that we just can't lump all 16 year olds into the same immature bucket, I guess I don't look at things in a generalised sort of a way.
    Wom

  11. #41
    Sixteen year old girls should not marry. They really need time to grow and find out about themselves. College or trade school, travel, making new friends, working those few years and learning what they are good at. When you are 16 you are just learning to drive, have hardly any work experience, don't know how to sign a lease, take out a loan, open bank accounts, buy a car, budget a checkbook, probably she never gave a thought to bill paying. This is a father figure to her not a husband.

    Perhaps 50 years ago these marries worked better but the world is different now. Woman don't stay home and have babies, they go out in the world and work, travel, make important decisions on how companies are run, not just what baby bottle is best.

    At 16 most girls are reading Cosmo and wondering does the pink or the peach nail polish go better with this outfit, not how many pounds of ground beef do I need to make this dish and what toliet bowl cleaner is going to be on sale.

    Sixteen year olds should be out partying and having fun. This teacher is robbing a young girl of her chance at being a young girl and asking her to be an adult, let her have her fun and her education let her be 16.

    For God's sake, is she bringing her husband to the prom?

  12. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by Twisterdog
    My son is sixteen and there is no WAY he knows what he wants from a life-long partner. He is still so much a child in many ways.
    Darn. Rules out another one for me.....

  13. #43
    I think that if they both love each other than why not? Whats the worst that could happen?

    She could end up happily married for the rest of her life or end up breaking up?

    I dont agree with the whole teacher and student love thing but if it happens it happens.

    Im 19 and I find older men alot more appealing than guys my age, Maybe because Im more mature but it seems like guys my age are still trying to prove that london is a ghetto.

    Ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years now and hes older than me and I was told that wasn't going to work out but he completly understands me and I feel more his age than mine to be honest. I am very mature for my age and people seem to think I am older than 19 and are quite shocked when I tell them! I wouldnt of been able to gain the confidence I got today without my boyfriend and I love him to bits and hes always been so supportive over my dog grooming buisness and my life decisions. People my age who I meet dont seem to push themselves enough and my I think having a older boyfriend does help in the sense because hes older and understands me more than anyone my age would.

    Maybe thats how shes feeling?

    I say good luck to her and her new partner, if people have problems with it then let them, Only she can say how she feels.

  14. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by Muddy4paws
    I think that if they both love each other than why not? Whats the worst that could happen?

    She could end up happily married for the rest of her life or end up breaking up?

    I dont agree with the whole teacher and student love thing but if it happens it happens.

    Im 19 and I find older men alot more appealing than guys my age, Maybe because Im more mature but it seems like guys my age are still trying to prove that london is a ghetto.

    Ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years now and hes older than me and I was told that wasn't going to work out but he completly understands me and I feel more his age than mine to be honest. I am very mature for my age and people seem to think I am older than 19 and are quite shocked when I tell them! I wouldnt of been able to gain the confidence I got today without my boyfriend and I love him to bits and hes always been so supportive over my dog grooming buisness and my life decisions. People my age who I meet dont seem to push themselves enough and my I think having a older boyfriend does help in the sense because hes older and understands me more than anyone my age would.

    Maybe thats how shes feeling?

    I say good luck to her and her new partner, if people have problems with it then let them, Only she can say how she feels.
    Well said Muddy....well said.
    Wom

  15. #45
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    I think the disturbing thing about this story is that this man was in a position of authority, and line was crossed that should definitely not be crossed, in my opinion. He was her teacher and she is still in high school.

    I don't see a problem with two adults who have a significant age difference getting married, but that is a completely different story. He is an adult, she is not, and he is in a position of authority over her. I'm pretty sure people who think this is one big romantic fantasy wouldn't want their teenage daughter to run off with coach.

    I can't believe her parents just caved in like that, either. If it was really that important, if they were really "in love," something as big as a marriage could have waited till she was 18.

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