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Thread: Actual Letter to Proctor and Gamble re: Aunt Flo and Wings...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Alberta, Canada
    Posts
    21,158

    Actual Letter to Proctor and Gamble re: Aunt Flo and Wings...

    Actual letter to Proctor & Gamble

    Dear Mr. Thatcher,

    I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years and Iappreciate many of their features.

    Why, without the LeakGuard Core(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.

    But my favourite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

    Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher?

    Ever suffered from "the curse"?

    I'm guessing you haven't.

    Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now.

    As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills."

    Isn't the human body amazing?

    As Brand Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen
    quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers'
    monthly visits from "Aunt Flo". Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behaviour. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women.

    In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

    The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants...which brings me to the reason for my letter.

    Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach
    inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and
    there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period."

    Are you f****** kidding me?

    What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness - is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?

    FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to
    the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man!

    If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make
    more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the
    Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong", or are you just picking on us?

    Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately,
    there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere.

    And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending b*******.

    And that's a promise I will keep... Always.

    Best,

    Wendi Aarons
    Austin, TX
    "To begin, begin." ~William Wordsworth

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Pixsburgh
    Posts
    5,006
    ROFL that was great. It's obvious that the makers of feminine products are not women. Those happy little messages make me want to scream.

    As a side note, I really hate those stupid wings too.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    Pennsylvania
    Posts
    18,857
    rotflmao !!
    .

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    Ploss's Halfway House for Homeless Cats
    Posts
    18,317
    I laughed so hard my sides hurt!!! That was great. So much so, that I've emailed it to my two best friends.

    Thanks for sharing it. Boy I sure don't miss THOSE days!!

    Rest In Peace Casey (Bubba Dude) Your paw print will remain on my heart forever. 12/02
    Mollie Rose, you were there for me through good times and in bad, from the beginning.Your passing will leave a hole in my heart.We will be together "One Fine Day". 1994-2009
    MooShoo,you left me too soon.I wasn't ready.Know that you were my soulmate and have left me broken hearted.I loved you like no other. 1999 - 2010See you again "ONE FINE DAY"
    Maya Linn, my heart is broken. The day your beautiful blue eyes went blind was the worst day of my life.I only wish I could've done something.I'll miss your "premium" purr and our little "conversations". 1997-2013 See you again "ONE FINE DAY"

    DO NOT BUY WHILE SHELTER ANIMALS DIE!!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    New Hampshire
    Posts
    6,654
    That was a good one.
    I love Fenway, JoJo, Olivia and Nonnie!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Aquidneck Island
    Posts
    8,332

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Binghamton, New York
    Posts
    5,991
    Welll that brought a big smile to my face! Thanks for the smile, on a very rough day!
    Maggie,

    I didn't slap you, I just high fived your Face!
    I've Been Boo'd!!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    County Kildare, Ireland
    Posts
    549
    I laughed so hard I pee'd in my pants - ooopps - but anyway all laughing aside I have to say I agreed wholeheartly with that woman but thankfully I do not have to go through this anymore except the mood swings I still kinda get them.... but not as bad, so ladies to those of you who continue to suffer I salute you
    jackmilliesmom

    Thanks to Michelle (Kittycats_Delight) for my wonderful
    cheerful and special signature and avatar!!!!!!

    **I'VE BEEN FROSTED**

  9. #9
    Have a happy period. Oh yea. That always meant I wasn't knocked up, which is worst. Very funny. But not so good if we are thinking about a woman in a postion of power.

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