View Poll Results: Do you like the idea of a joke thread?

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  • Yes

    148 86.05%
  • No

    24 13.95%
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Thread: joke thread

  1. #46
    Thats good lol. It kinda reminds me of a show I was watching (either Jay Leno or Conan O'Brian)
    They were showing how car alarms don't always work. Then they showed 'the new type' where instead of a loud noise when someone breaks it, its a soft, calm voice saying something about jesus watching them or something..then the robber person kinda slowly walked away with a weird look on his face..Hm, I can't explain it, Iguess you would have had to watch it. It was funny though ;D



    My babies: Josie, Zeke, Kiba, Shadow (AKA Butter)

  2. #47
    Join Date
    Dec 2001
    Location
    Copenhagen, Denmark - GMT+1
    Posts
    14,747
    A blonde joke ....

    My First Day on the Job!

    A local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde
    went in to try out for the job.

    After a series of questions that the blonde failed, the
    sheriff asked in desperation one final question:

    "Now, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"

    The blonde looked a little surprised, then thought
    really hard for a minute and finally admitted:

    "I don't know!"

    "Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for
    a while?"

    So, the blonde wandered over to a restaurant where
    some friends were waiting to hear the results of the
    interview.

    The blonde couldn't be happier.

    "It's my first day on the job, and it went great."

    "I'm already working on a murder case!"
    Randi



    "I don't know which weapons will be used in the third World war, but in the fourth, it will be sticks and stones" --- Albert Einstein.


  3. #48
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Location
    Ohio, USA
    Posts
    19,899
    Good One!

    Huney, Bon & Simba-missed so very much
    Remembering all the Rainbow Bridge Pets

  4. #49
    Join Date
    May 2001
    Location
    Stockton, CA
    Posts
    8,687
    Yes, I AM hooked on the "Cats with Hands" cartoons. Here is 6 Jun 2002's cartoon Enjoy!
    I'm sometimes asked "Why do you spend so much of your time and money talking about kindness to animals when there is so much cruelty to men?" I answer: "I am working at the roots." -George T. Angell, reformer (1823-1909)



    Thank you, Popcornbird for creating this tribute to Summer starring Livvy and Cassy

    Livvy: 11 April 99 - 5 July 09
    Cassy: 11 July 99 - 8 April 11

    If you would like to visit my BeautiConsultant page --
    http://www.beautipage.com/serene_angel_hm_spa/

  5. #50
    Join Date
    Feb 2001
    Location
    Lawrenceville, Ga, USA
    Posts
    2,492
    Q. How do you turn a stallion into a pig?

    A. Marry him!
    Scott is owned by 5 cats: Jackson, Fluffy, Twidgit, Ashton, Lexi;
    and 3 dogs: Eli, Sassee, Ginger

    Fuzzy317's Pictures

  6. #51
    HAHA...this is sad but those little happy/laughy faces crack me up almost as much as the jokes



    My babies: Josie, Zeke, Kiba, Shadow (AKA Butter)

  7. #52
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Location
    Santa Clara, CA
    Posts
    27,644
    These jokes are great.I need to find some good jokes to share with you. Thanks for the laughs.
    Owned by Sky, Pearl, Ziggy Stardust, Alani, Blaze, Colby, Finnegan, and Summer.


    My Rainbow Bridge Babies:
    RB Pepper 3/17/97- 2/3/03 RIP Sweet Pepper
    RB Starr 3/22/05- 7/1/09 RIP Sweet Starr
    RB Sunny 8/25/00- 2/28/10 RIP Sweet Sunny
    RB Storm 1/11/96- 8/2/12 RIP Sweet Storm

  8. #53
    Former User Guest

    BLOND JOKES

    Q: Why did the blonde only change her baby's diapers once a month?
    A: Because the box said "up to 20 pounds.
    ---------------------------
    Q: What do you call a blonde that bleaches her hair?
    A: A frosted flake.
    ---------------------------
    Q: What did the blonde call her zebra?
    A: Spot.
    ------------------------------
    Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen sink?
    A: That's where you wash vegetables isn't it?
    -------------------------------

  9. #54
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Location
    Ohio, USA
    Posts
    19,899
    I figured as long as we're on the blonde jokes............

    Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table.
    A very attractive blonde lady arrived and bet twenty thousand
    dollars on a single roll of the dice.
    She said, " I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when
    I'm nude."
    With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice
    and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!"
    Then she hollered..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She jumped up
    and down and hugged each of the dealers. With that she picked up
    all the money and clothes and quickly departed. The dealers just stared
    at each other dumbfounded.
    Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
    The other answered, "I thought YOU were watching!"

    Moral of the story: Not all blondes are dumb.



    Huney, Bon & Simba-missed so very much
    Remembering all the Rainbow Bridge Pets

  10. #55
    Join Date
    May 2001
    Location
    Eslöv, Sweden
    Posts
    2,103
    LOL Anna, that one is great!!

    Please sign my guestbook if you have the time

  11. #56
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    Stockport. England
    Posts
    4,331
    They're all great!!! Wish I could remember jokes!! Keep 'em coming everybody!

  12. #57
    Guest

    sea-water !!

    this is a "water" joke !!

    Bart had bought a new tank for salt-water-fish .
    At home he realised he needed salted water .
    So he stept in his car and drove all the way to the sea .
    There he saw a fisher man and asked him for a bucket of sea-water .Okay , said the man , that will cost you one dollar !
    Bart payed and returned home . There he realised he needed much more buckets of the water .
    So he drove back to the sea . There the sea had withdrawn , and it was low tide ;
    He joined the fisherman and said : well you lucky guy , you seem to have sold lots of buckets today hey !!!!!!!!!!!!

  13. #58
    Guest

    chicken

    A man is driving on the highway .
    Suddenly , a chichen is running besides his car and takes over !!
    Waw , he said . That's a fast one !!!!
    Next day , he saw the same chicken on the same place .
    This time he followed tha animal , and after 20 minutes , he reached a chicken-farm.
    The went to see the farmer ,and said : "Aw , you have a fast chicken there ; runs like Roadrunner !!"
    Oh that , said the farmer !!!!! Last year , as my wife was pregnant , I realised that from now on , there would be a row every time we served chicken ! We all prefer the drumsticks , and you know , a chicken has only two of those !! So I 've started to try to breeth 3-legged chicken . And as you can see , I succeeded !
    Oh said the other man , and , how is the taste ???
    Don' know , said the farmer , I was not able to catch it yet !!!

  14. #59
    Guest

    parrots

    Two parrots were talking in there cage .
    Oh my , said number one , it is so hot in here !!!
    Oh , said number two , shall I open the door ??

  15. #60
    Join Date
    May 2001
    Location
    Stockton, CA
    Posts
    8,687

    Received via email ... the moral is true, sigh

    An unemployed man is desperate to support his family. His wife watches TV all day and his three teenage kids have dropped out of high school to hang around with the local toughs.

    He applies for a janitor's job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test. The human resources manager tells him, "You will be hired at minimum wage of $5.15 an hour. Let me have your E-mail address so that we can get you in the loop. Our system will automatically e-mail you all the forms."

    Taken aback, the man protests that he is poor and has neither a computer nor an e-mail address.  To this the manager replies, "You must understand that to a company like ours that means that you virtually do not exist. Without an e-mail address you can hardly expect to be employed by a high-tech firm. Good day."

    Stunned, the man leaves. Not knowing where to turn and having only $10 in his wallet, he walks past a farmers' market and sees a stand selling 25 lb crates of beautiful red tomatoes. He buys a crate, carries it to a busy corner and displays the tomatoes. In less than 2 hours he sells all the tomatoes and makes 100% profit. Repeating the process several times more that day, he ends up with almost $100 and arrives home that night with several bags of groceries for his family. During the night he decides to repeat the tomato business the next day.

    By the end of the week he is getting up early every day and working into the night. He multiplies his profits quickly. Early in the second week he acquires a cart to transport several boxes of tomatoes at a time, but before a month is up he sells the cart to buy a broken-down pickup truck.

    At the end of a year he owns three old trucks. His two sons have left their neighborhood gangs to help him with the tomato business, his wife is helping out by buying  the tomatoes, and his daughter is taking night courses at the community college so she can keep books for him.

    By the end of the second year he has a dozen very nice used trucks and employs fifteen previously unemployed people, all selling tomatoes. He continues to work hard. Time passes and at the end of the fifth year he owns a fleet of nice trucks and a warehouse which his wife supervises, plus two tomato farms that the boys manage. The tomato company's payroll has put hundreds of homeless and jobless people to work. His daughter reports that the business grossed a million dollars.

    Planning for the future, he decides to buy some life insurance. Consulting with an insurance adviser, he picks an insurance plan to fit his new circumstances. Then the adviser asks him for his e-mail address in order to send the final documents electronically.  When the man replies that he doesn't have time to mess with a computer and has no e-mail address, the insurance man is stunned, "What, you don't have e-mail? No computer? No Internet? Just think where you would be today if you'd had all of that five years ago!"

    "Ha!" snorts the man. "If I'd had e-mail five years ago I would be sweeping floors at Microsoft and making $5.15 an hour."

    Which brings us to the moral: "Since you got this story by e-mail, you're probably closer to being a janitor.....than a millionaire."
    I'm sometimes asked "Why do you spend so much of your time and money talking about kindness to animals when there is so much cruelty to men?" I answer: "I am working at the roots." -George T. Angell, reformer (1823-1909)



    Thank you, Popcornbird for creating this tribute to Summer starring Livvy and Cassy

    Livvy: 11 April 99 - 5 July 09
    Cassy: 11 July 99 - 8 April 11

    If you would like to visit my BeautiConsultant page --
    http://www.beautipage.com/serene_angel_hm_spa/

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