View Poll Results: Do you like the idea of a joke thread?

Voters
172. You may not vote on this poll
  • Yes

    148 86.05%
  • No

    24 13.95%
Page 1 of 86 123456789101151 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 1289

Thread: joke thread

  1. #1

    joke thread

    I thought it would be nice if we could have a joke thread in which we can all post funny jokes that we would like to share. One thing though......PLEASE KEEP IT CLEAN! Here's my joke....its a blonde joke so no offense to the blondes!!! Just a joke!!!!!!!!!

    ==============================================
    There was a guy who was mowing his lawn when he noticed his next door neighbor (a blonde) kept on running outside and checking her mail. He noticed she kept on doing it over and over.

    So he thought, "The next time she runs out here I'm gonna stop and ask her why she keeps on doing that!" So she did it, and he asked her.

    And she replied, "I just got a new computer, and it keeps on telling me,...

    You've Got Mail!"
    Last edited by popcornbird; 07-17-2002 at 05:32 PM.

  2. #2

    I like the idea 2

    i like it 2........
    I created and made my own website on Elvis Presley - The King, for all of you out there who love him! Have fun seeing his pictures and reading his biography.

    GOD BLESS AND LONG LIVE THE KING!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Location
    Ohio, USA
    Posts
    19,899
    You know it's funny you mentioned it! I was thinking along the lines of the same thing when I ran across this funny joke, thanks for setting it up already!

    It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Flowers." "That's right!" the boy said, "But, how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said. The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets." "That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher. The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held he package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one ! more big taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?" With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!" SURPRISE!


    Huney, Bon & Simba-missed so very much
    Remembering all the Rainbow Bridge Pets

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2001
    Location
    Copenhagen, Denmark - GMT+1
    Posts
    14,746
    Not exactly a joke, but ....
    Can any of you identify with this?

    30 years!

    1970: LONG HAIR.
    2000: LONGING FOR HAIR.

    1970: THE PERFECT HIGH.
    2000: THE PERFECT HIGH YIELD MUTUAL FUND.

    1970: KEG.
    2000: EKG.

    1970: ACID ROCK.
    2000: ACID REFLUX.

    1970: MOVING TO CALIFORNIA BECAUSE IT'S COOL.
    2000: MOVING TO CALIFORNIA BECAUSE IT'S WARM.

    1970: GROWING POT.
    2000: GROWING POT BELLY.

    1970: WATCHING JOHN GLENN'S HISTORIC SPACE
    FLIGHT WITH YOUR PARENTS.
    2000: WATCHING JOHN GLENN'S HISTORIC SPACE
    FLIGHT WITH YOUR
    CHILDREN.

    1970: TRYING TO LOOK LIKE MARLON BRANDO OR
    ELIZABETH TAYLOR.
    2000: TRYING NOT TO LOOK LIKE MARLON BRANDO
    OR ELIZABETH TAYLOR.

    1970: SEEDS AND STEMS.
    2000: ROUGHAGE.

    1970: POPPING PILLS, SMOKING JOINTS.
    2000: POPPING JOINTS.

    1970: OUR PRESIDENTS STRUGGLE WITH FIDEL.
    2000: OUR PRESIDENTS STRUGGLE WITH FIDELITY.

    1970: PAAR
    2000: AARP

    1970: KILLER WEED.
    2000: WEED KILLER.

    1970: HOPING FOR A BMW.
    2000: HOPING FOR A BM.

    1970: THE GRATEFUL DEAD.
    2000: DR. KEVORKIAN.

    1970: GETTING OUT TO A NEW, HIP JOINT.
    2000: GETTING A NEW HIP JOINT.

    1970: ROLLING STONES.
    2000: KIDNEY STONES

    1970: SCREW THE SYSTEM!
    2000: UPGRADE THE SYSTEM.

    1970: PEACE SIGN.
    2000: MERCEDES LOGO.

    1970: TAKING ACID
    2000: TAKING ANTACID.

    1970: PASSING THE DRIVERS TEST.
    2000: PASSING THE VISION TEST.

    1970: " WHATEVER"
    2000: " DEPENDS "
    Randi



    "I don't know which weapons will be used in the third World war, but in the fourth, it will be sticks and stones" --- Albert Einstein.


  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2001
    Location
    Copenhagen, Denmark - GMT+1
    Posts
    14,746
    Never talk to the parrot

    Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn't accommodate her with an "after-hours" appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dish washer, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check. By the way, I have a large rotweiler inside named Killer; he won't bother you. I also have a parrot, and whatever you do, do not talk to the bird!"

    Well, sure enough the dog, Killer, totally ignored the repairman, but the whole time he was there, the parrot cursed, yelled, screamed, and about drove him nuts.

    As he was ready to leave, he couldn't resist saying, "You stupid bird, why don't you shut up!"

    To which the bird replied, "Killer, get him!!!"
    Randi



    "I don't know which weapons will be used in the third World war, but in the fourth, it will be sticks and stones" --- Albert Einstein.


  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2000
    Location
    St. Catharines, ON Canada
    Posts
    4
    What does an octopus wear when he's freezing?

    A COAT OF ARMS!

    (lame, I know. )
    -=> L-A. <=-

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    90
    I do NOT remember registering twice... really, I don't...

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    Location
    Georgia, USA
    Posts
    5,945
    > > > The Lone Ranger and Tonto are camping in the desert,
    > > > set up their tent, and are asleep. Some hours later,
    > > > The Lone Ranger wakes his faithful friend.
    > > >
    > > > "Tonto, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.
    > > >
    > > > Tonto replies, "Me see millions of stars."
    > > >
    > > > "What does that tell you?" ask The Lone Ranger.
    > > >
    > > > Tonto ponders for a minute.
    > > > "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are
    > > > millions of galaxies and potentially billions of
    > > > planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in
    > > > Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a
    > > > quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the
    > > > Lord is all powerful and we are small and
    > > > insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have
    > > > a beautiful day tomorrow.
    > > >
    > > > What it tell you, Kemo Sabi?"
    > > >
    > > > The Lone Ranger is silent for a moment, then speaks.
    > > >
    > > > "Tonto, you Dumb As., someone has stolen our tent."
    > > >
    [CENTER]

    Alden is here!!
    7/6/2006 - 9 pounds 9 ounces 22 inches


    Tinky

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Location
    Santa Clara, CA
    Posts
    27,644
    Great jokes everyone. Too bad I can't think of any right now.
    Owned by Sky, Pearl, Ziggy Stardust, Alani, Blaze, Colby, Finnegan, and Summer.


    My Rainbow Bridge Babies:
    RB Pepper 3/17/97- 2/3/03 RIP Sweet Pepper
    RB Starr 3/22/05- 7/1/09 RIP Sweet Starr
    RB Sunny 8/25/00- 2/28/10 RIP Sweet Sunny
    RB Storm 1/11/96- 8/2/12 RIP Sweet Storm

  10. #10
    Join Date
    May 2001
    Location
    Stockton, CA
    Posts
    8,687

    Joke from a genealogical newsletter

    This joke might be funnier if you are inclined to spend long hours pouring over obscure texts and indicypherable messages:

    A sexton in England undertook a project to map all the graves in the churchyard and to create a complete record of the individuals buried there. After years of work and research he had identified all of the stones but one. The stone, flat on the ground and directly behind the old church, bore only the initials H.W.P. The sexton dug through every church record and could find no record of anyone with those initials.

    One day the plumber was working on the old water pipes in the church and chatting with the sexton who proceeded to tell him with pride about his project and added that he was greatly troubled by the fact that one stone remained unidentified. The plumber asked which stone that might be and the sexton pointed out the flat stone.

    The plumber smiled and replied that he could solve that mystery since he had placed the stone there himself -- H.W.P. marks the location of the Hot Water Pipe.
    I'm sometimes asked "Why do you spend so much of your time and money talking about kindness to animals when there is so much cruelty to men?" I answer: "I am working at the roots." -George T. Angell, reformer (1823-1909)



    Thank you, Popcornbird for creating this tribute to Summer starring Livvy and Cassy

    Livvy: 11 April 99 - 5 July 09
    Cassy: 11 July 99 - 8 April 11

    If you would like to visit my BeautiConsultant page --
    http://www.beautipage.com/serene_angel_hm_spa/

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Location
    Ohio, USA
    Posts
    19,899
    One day a blonde walked into a second hand store and asked the clerk "How much is that TV in the window?" The man said, "I'm sorry. I don't sell stuff to blondes." So She walked out. The next day she came in as a red head. She asked how much the TV was in the window again. And again he said he didn't sell things to blondes. The next day she came in again and asked for the third time how much the TV was. The man said "FOR THE FINAL TIME I DONT SALE STUFF TO BLONDES!!" She said, "How did you know I was a blonde?" He said, "Thatís not a TV, Itís a microwave!!!!!"

    Hope this joke doesn't offend any of you blondes out there!

    Huney, Bon & Simba-missed so very much
    Remembering all the Rainbow Bridge Pets

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Location
    Ohio, USA
    Posts
    19,899
    I really like this joke!


    A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away from him. The young man noticed her overly attentive stare & walked directly toward her. Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude for staring, the young man said to her, 'I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, on one condition.' Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The young man replied, 'You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.'
    The woman considered his proposition for a moment, withdrew from her purse and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which she pressed into the young man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes & slowly, meaningfully said, "Clean my house."

    Huney, Bon & Simba-missed so very much
    Remembering all the Rainbow Bridge Pets

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Location
    Ohio, USA
    Posts
    19,899
    LOL!!!

    Huney, Bon & Simba-missed so very much
    Remembering all the Rainbow Bridge Pets

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Location
    Santa Clara, CA
    Posts
    27,644
    Great jokes everyone.
    Owned by Sky, Pearl, Ziggy Stardust, Alani, Blaze, Colby, Finnegan, and Summer.


    My Rainbow Bridge Babies:
    RB Pepper 3/17/97- 2/3/03 RIP Sweet Pepper
    RB Starr 3/22/05- 7/1/09 RIP Sweet Starr
    RB Sunny 8/25/00- 2/28/10 RIP Sweet Sunny
    RB Storm 1/11/96- 8/2/12 RIP Sweet Storm

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    Location
    Georgia, USA
    Posts
    5,945
    Here is another joke...... I know it is terrible... but FUNNY!!!

    A little old lady goes to the doctor and says,
    "Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it
    really doesn't bother me too much. My farts
    never smell and are always silent. As a
    matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times
    since I've been here in your office. You didn't
    know I was farting because they don't smell
    and are silent."

    The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and
    come back to see me next week."

    The next week the lady comes back. "Doctor,"
    she says, "I don't know what you gave me, but
    now my farts...although still silent...
    stink terribly."

    The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we've
    cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your
    hearing."
    [CENTER]

    Alden is here!!
    7/6/2006 - 9 pounds 9 ounces 22 inches


    Tinky

Similar Threads

  1. Our PT joke thread
    By CathyBogart in forum Dog House
    Replies: 346
    Last Post: 05-22-2014, 12:21 PM
  2. Cat Joke Thread.
    By RICHARD in forum Cat General
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 04-13-2008, 12:31 PM
  3. how about a joke thread... (?)
    By beeniesmom in forum Dog House
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 07-12-2005, 01:53 AM
  4. ANIMAL Joke thread
    By Randi in forum General
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 02-25-2004, 08:58 AM
  5. ~*~ Joke Thread ~*~
    By ILoveMyAbbyGirl in forum General
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 04-18-2003, 06:18 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Copyright © 2001-2013 Pet of the Day.com