I need to vent
I know it is Thanksgiving and I should be thankful and all that. But I just need to get this off my chest and can't do it on Facebook. It doesn't matter if nobody responds to this. That's fine.
It is very sad, but I seriously cannot stand to be around my father! Sure, he is my dad and I love him for that. He did a fine job raising us. Instilled "some" good values in us, I like to think. But since I've become an adult I don't like him as a person. He is self-centered and thinks everyone else is below him.
Last night I was in the kitchen and he was sitting watching TV (his back is to the kitchen). He heard that I was eating some desert roll things. I had one small piece and was cutting a larger piece in half. He commented that he hadn't even had any yet. I said - you don't need any. He made some comment and I said - because you are diabetic. Any other person would see that as me actually caring about his health. Not him! He had to make a comment about being overweight. I said - yes, you are overweight too. That's why you shouldn't eat them (and I kinda giggled). He then implied that I am overweight. Well, this just shows how much he pays attention to me. I've lost over 30 pounds in the past year. I am NOT overweight!!! So then he says (and he's said this to me all my life) "well you will be if you keep eating like that". GRRR!!! I said no I won't! He said why not? I said because I exercise and eating two small pieces of this is not going to make me overweight. OMG, I just can't stand him!!!
People always have a hard time believing me and say things like "he IS your father". Yes, he is my father. And like I said, I love him for that. But I don't like him as a person. He is not a good person. Although he thinks he is GREAT!
Ok, rant over. I do feel a little better.
Understood, it is good you realize that he is not gonna change, but you can deal with him, and know that even if he doesn't understand, you've tried your best.
My father was just like that, always right & had to get the last word in. I learned how to deal with this. It is not easy to do, but if you let him 'win' with the last word......it's over.
Just smile at him, let him think he is right, which of course he isn't always, but it stops the bantering back & forth between you. Change the subject or just stop talking, just do it all with a smile. It works.
Good luck !!
Yes, I am learning to ignore him. That's why I usually just avoid him. But today we had okay interaction.
Thanks for the replies, ladies. :)
We don't choose our family. ;) I could write a book about things I don't like about my mother. Dealing with her more now that dad is gone has been a real eye opener.:rolleyes:
Just be yourself and don't let anything he has to say upset you. It's hard when it's one of your parents. I know.
I loved my Dad and he did an awesome job. My brother, on the other hand, is an a_hole, plain and simple. I loathe him so much that if I never see him again it will be all too soon. He thinks he's "all that" and more. His sole focus in life is to have as much money as possible and screw anyone who gets in his way. He hates animals...need I go on? Rather than go on and on, just take my word for it. Thank God I only see him a couple of times per year. He is family and I love him because he's my brother but I hate, hate, hate him as a person.
I'm not really sure what to say about your Father. I can only relate to you my experiences with elderly relatives. When I say elderly, I'm not implying that you are old so please don't assume that. I find that elderly men get cranky and speak before they think. Take my 85 yr old Uncle for instance...we just moved him into a care home and one week into his arrival we are getting phone calls that he is verbally abusing the staff. A friend's husband, a neighbour and another gentlemen that I knew all were not pleasant to be around. Maybe it's a "man" thing, I don't know. If you ever find an answer do let me know.
Thank you. Yes, I always try to be myself and if I feed off his negativity then I'm just as bad as him, right?
Originally Posted by chocolatepuppy
You are so right about how elderly men are. The owner of the company I work for is 75 and sometimes he reminds me so much of my dad. Even though my dad is 5 years younger.
Originally Posted by slick
I knew my pet talk family would understand. :)
My Dad never got cranky, and he lived to be 83. He never lost his basic demeanor, he might have a bad moment now and then, when he'd err on the side of honesty rather than being polite, but that was usually when he was very sick, and dealing with daft folks.
Originally Posted by Taz_Zoee
In general, i have found that old age tends to distill a person's basic personality in many cases - they become more extreme examples of what they always were.
This is true. While I never met my dads father, I believe he is exactly like him. And he wasn't very fond of his father either. His dad always talked down to him, never used his name (and he's a junior), only called him Shorty or Stupid. So I think my dad tried very hard to not be like him while we were growing up. And now his true colors are shining through.
Originally Posted by Karen
My father died when I was 10 and was in the navy so I didn't really know him well. Now I am married to a person with Borderline Personality Disorder. Can't begin to tell you what chaos living with someone with that condition means. I just have to constantly remind myself that his reality is because of his condition and I am not the wicked person he thinks I am. Of course he also sometimes thinks I am like Mother Teresa. Depends on the day - or the hour.
Hard as it is - always try to be true to yourself. Keep your head high.
While I know family is blood and all, I have a mother with narcissistic personality disorder. Sometimes you need to cut people out of your life. Even your own mom. That is hard but not impossible. It can save your health and your sanity. Well, I'm always kinda teetering on the brink :D
My Dad is a good person, he just has some "issues" I will never understand.
He has taught me everything I know, my love for the outdoors, a passion for a career, etc etc etc. He always does things with me and FOR me. He taught me the values I am instilled and hell I look JUST like him. But some things I do not get. He's a republican, I'm an independent. He has issues with other people, and socially, and will always get nasty before anything else. But then again I am socially awkward and have temper issues at times. But my Dad would probably say something like this too.
Anyway, the beauty of it is, you are NOT defined by who your parents are. You don't have to be anything like them, and Cindy, you can pride yourself in that. Now there are still cons, you can't pick your family. :p You just have to deal with them a few times out of the year, or maybe a little more.
Regardless of any issues I have with my parents, I know overall we aren't going to see eye-to-eye on everything and that's fine. We are afterall, only human, and we are all different. Sometimes the reason we don't get along with people is because we've either been around them for too long or maybe because we are exactly like them we just don't see it. :) I am not saying that's the case here, but I have seen that from time to time. My sister and my mother for example. My mom says I am exactly like my Dad, but I don't see it. :p
I am glad after that bad interaction you had a good one today! But I can see what a frustrating conversation that must have been. I feel like parents are more inclined to try to get the last word in, eve if they make no sense and sound stupid.
Oh ya, I haven't spoken to her for over 4 yrs. now and it was best decision that I ever made. Changed my whole life for the better. Occasionly she will try to contact me and screw me over but I never answer the phone or call her back if she leaves a message. She is a rotten human being and I do not care why. Google the
Dickhead song. You simply must, I'm fairly sure that will make you feel better.
Please don't get me wrong, vile as my mother is and always will be, deep down I love her and always will. That Dickhead song by Miles just makes me laugh, lightens the load a tad. She is a B*tch to the core. Of that I am certain. There a few thing I know for sure. That I know :D