Any comments on Ann Lander's letter last Saturday?

Okay, I like Ann Landers a lot, but I just caught up on her letters from over the weekend and one of them from Saturday -- I'll add a link -- bugs me.

A long-term dating couple have pets. Both have been previously married. She has a dog. He has a cat. She wrote the letter: it sounds like she's a very organized, neat, 'everything in it's place' person. He comes across like a slob. Her beef is that their life together is grand and wonderful in all respects, but the cat's awful and it's the cat's mess she objects to. Ann agrees cats are messy and suggests she tells him to toss the cat or she'll walk. Uh, the girlfriend will walk, in case I left too much out. [Note: I'm oversimplifying, sorry.]

:mad: :eek: Did anybody else read the Q/A this way? It sounded to me like the cat was a symptom (sp?) and once the cat's tossed they'll still have trouble. :mad:

I think Ann blew it. And re-reading this post, I suspect I need to get a life. **sigh**

Good night, all.

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I think Ann blew it.

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I agree with you whole heartedly...... that was terrible advice!!!!!
AND CATS ARE NOT MESSY!!!!!!!!!!!! Hopefully the boyfriend will toss her if she confronts him with that mess,,,,, I KNOW I WOULD!!!!

BOO ANN LANDERS !!!! :mad:

I agree, Ann blew it. I have litter box duties at my house. The dogs go outside (we are trying to house train the puppy). The litter box does not bother me at all, at least with the box, I am sure where the cats go to the bathroom. Outside with the dogs, I have to constantly watch my step.

BOO! To Ann Landers! What about kids... She has kids, Kids are FAR more MESSY than any cat I've ever known! I hope the guy has enough sense to say SEE YA! To the cat hater. If he doesn't it will be the beginning of a very LOOONG UNHAPPY union!:mad:

I'm not familiar with Ann Landers, is she like" Dear Abby" or something? ;)
Anyhow, I think she messed this one up...

:mad: cats are not messy at all !!!
they are much cleaner than other animals !!!!
Never forget to give them new material in the litterbox , and you won't have any problems !!!

Yes, Niina. Ann Landers I "THINK" is Dear Abby's sister. Same type of advice column though. Kisses to Casper & Kitty.

Thanx Katie. Casper and Kitty are busy tearing their mice apart :rolleyes:

As Niina said, I'm not familiar to Ann Landers... but this is a question that shows up periodically here (we all know, unfortunately, couples that argue about their pets :( )

I have a boyfriend and he always said he prefered dogs - but he loves my Sirocco (and now Neelix) to pieces!! Personally, I wouldn't trust a person who doesn't love animals and doesn't show kindness to them. If my boyfriend wasn't able to love (or at least respect!) my pets, I'd think he doesn't love or respect me, for my pets are a very important part of my life, and the person you choose to share your life with should take the whole thing, not just the part he likes best!

Nita

Well said Nita! I agree! I'm glad my husband is also crazy about cats and pets in general, shouldn't be a problem in the future to get more pets then;)

Ann Landers is Dear Abby's twin sister and I agree that Ann really boo booed on this one. No doubt she will receive a rash of hate mail from cat lovers and animal lovers alike - we all ought to write to her don't you think:) :)

Cats? Messy? Cats don't eat the sofa while you're away at work. Cats don't scoot their butt across the living room rug (unless they have a fake fishing worm stuck under their tail but THAT is another story...LOL:rolleyes: ). Also, unless it's one of Thelma's brood:p , they don't involve themselves in leg-humping!

BOOO *throws kitty-kookie instead of rotten tomato*

PS Ann shares the column-writing with her daughter.

:mad: Uuuugggggghhhhhhh. I really hope this couple does not take the advice! I really beg to differ. Cats are not messy!!!!!

It sounds to me that the cat may be disoriented or its "owner" knows little about caring for cats. The cat may be "messy" because of the dog being around! And I'm sure that these two are not reconciled. It also sounds as though the girl is not cat-friendly, but actually prefers her dog over her boyfriend in the fianal analysis. Shame on Ann Landers! I think that the two of them should have come to Pet Talk for better adice.

Just my speculating-2 cents worth.

..........wayne

What the heck??? My husband is way more messy then my cats LOL. Id have to get rid of him first :D

Here is a link to the actual letter and response. It's possible I was unfair in my summary of the situation because it seemed unfair to the cat.

{{{Love you all}}}

P.S. Yes, Ann Landers and 'Dear Abby' are twin sisters and they both started their careers within a few months of each other. I understand there was some hard feelings at one time, but the situation is much better now, if not altogether perfect.

Dear Abby's daughter had been helping out earlier, and became a partner with her mother sometime this year.

I preferred Ann Landers for years, but recently I'm finding her advice lacking... :( Anyway...

I was going to do an online search to the letter because my take was completely different. I see Amberlee beat me to it. The issue was his cats are messy, and she does not want to put up with it. That's a difficult thing for some cat lovers to put up with, much less someone who does not even like cats (although she does not specifically say she doesn't).

That being said, they are not even married and are already in counseling (I've never understood that concept - if you can't get along, BREAK UP! What have you invested in dating that would compare to a marriage? But I digress!) so I agree with Amberlee that the cats are just a symptom of a deeper problem. And that being said, I think the deeper problem is that the boyfriend is a slob, and she doesn't want to put the blame on him because then she would be forced to confront some deeper issues - such as that they may not be compatible at all.

But, I still didn't like Ann's flip answer.

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His answer will tell you everything you need to know.

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I don't know, somehow that sounded to me like the guy is a 'baddie' should he choose his cats over the girlfriend.

Good assessments, ladies!! I didn't respond earlier because I felt I couldn't, having not read it. Now I have. The guy must be a slob......as bad of a housekeeper as I am, I am fastidious about keeping the litter box clean. She's grossed out by cats on the counter and the table, knowing that they have been scratching around in a dirty litter box. Can't say I blame her for that. My cats aren't allowed all over the counters and table.

BUT.....seems like she worded her question in a different way than I would have. I would have been asking "how can I get him to see and smell this house?". Or is this sign of the "real him"? "How can I help him to understand that these cats need training if I'm going to be able to live with them?" Anyway, she didn't look beyond the cats for a solution to the problem.....like retraining or offering to help him work with them. And I agree, Ann Landers was pretty flip in her response.

anyone that has ever had a cat , knows, you don't ALLOW a cat on the table or counter, they just do it, and unless u are going to keep squirting with with a water gun, or put sticky tape all over the counter, theres nothing else to do but pick it up and put in on the floor. I have to always clean my counters.
and if the cat is not using the box, it should be taken to the vet, something might be wrong with it.
for an adivce columist, she doesnt know that??

and-- has anyone seen those court shows on tv, the ones where the couple are fighting for custody of the pet? scary..if I was getting married I would have a pre-nupital that says I keep the cats!!;)

Sounds to me like she is saying that if the guy can't give his cats a decent home (meaning "clean up your act, buddy") then he should find someone who will . . . doubt if it would be the girlfriend, since she signed her letter "cat hater" . . . :mad:

I've never had a cat that even attemped to jump up on counters . . . if this is a common behavior, maybe I have just been fortunate not to have encountered it . . . :confused:

Many, many years ago I visited an old friend I hadn't seen ages. She had gotten into showing/breeding (I forget what breed), and her once meticulous home had turned into CATVILLE . . . the books on her bookshelf had all their bindings shredded, and I remember seeing a cat curled up asleep on top of her coffee maker on the kitchen counter! She had girls tending to the multitude of litter boxes spread all around the perimeter of her dining room. I have no idea how many cats she had, but they were milling around everywhere. The bedrooms had become nurseries, and the basement housed the male stud cats each in a cage. This had to be 20 years ago, and I wonder what ever happened to her and all those cats . . . the counter thing brought back this memory . . . geez!:o

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Originally posted by Lachesis
What the heck??? My husband is way more messy then my cats LOL. Id have to get rid of him first :D

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:D :D :D
Yes!!! My hubby too! All my animals are neater than him.


tough cookie-
I think there would be a custody battle here too over our animals.

I feel sorry for the cats - I'm not convinced the boyfriend is a good caretaker/pet owner.

Every cat I had wanted to be on the kitchen counter...except Ritz. I think she believes she can't jump that high. Ever since her spay surgery over a year ago, after which she attempted to jump up to her kitty lair, missed a bit and it fell almost on top of her, she no longer attempts to jump up any higher than a chair seat. I'm wondering if this will change, right now I consider myself fortunate.

After reading the original letter I must say it pissed me off quite a bit. Ann Landers made it out that if the cat owner doesn't get rid of his cats he doesn't love his girlfriend. That is utter BS. I love my boyfriend with all of my heart but I'd never give away any of my pets just because he thinks they are messy or something! That's so stupid...

I don't know why people write those online "experts".

My cats can go anywhere they want except outside. Countertops included. I buy disenfectant spray and spray the countertops before fixing a meal. The way I see it, the only way to keep furries off countertops is to stand there all day and all night and keep watch:D :D - quite impractical;)

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Originally posted by purrley
is to stand there all day and all night and keep watch:D :D - quite impractical;)

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Wow, what a mental picture I got out of that :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :D Definately not practical....

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Originally posted by purrley
My cats can go anywhere they want except outside. Countertops included. I ......stand there all day and all night and keep watch:D :D - quite impractical;)

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Of course I don't REALLY know what Ritzy manages to do when I'm away :D ;) ;) ;)

I think Ann messed up BIG TIME. I think a cat is about the cleanist animal you could have. They potty in a designated spot where a dog goes where ever they seem fit and you have to search and scoop it up.
http://www.photogra.com/index.cfm/a:31416

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Originally posted by tuxluvr
Of course I don't REALLY know what Ritzy manages to do when I'm away ...

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LOL! What a picture!!!

:rolleyes: of course , my cat is allowed in the kitchen !!! ON the countertop !!! One corner of it is even specialy reserved for him !! That's where he sits quite often , on the outlook for "enamies" outside , or just keeping me company there !!!! dear dear Sydney !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:D :)

Thought you'd be interested in the letters Ann got in response to the letter that upset me so:

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Dear Abby: I'd like to respond to the letter from "Cat Hater in Iowa," whose fiance, "Anthony," had cats that crawled on the countertops and made messes everywhere. I don't hold out much hope for the relationship, but my sympathies are with the cats.

You were right to say "Cat Hater" could solve the problem by cleaning the box and teaching the cats to stay off the countertops, but it is unlikely she will volunteer for the job, and Anthony is too lazy to do it. Please don't tell her to give him an ultimatum. If he chooses her over the cats, what happens to them? Do you have any idea how many cats need good homes? Shelters throughout the
country are overflowing with them. If a home cannot be found within a reasonable period of time, the animal will be euthanized. (I hate the term "put to sleep.")

I know your heart is in the right place, Ann, but please think twice before suggesting that your readers give up a pet.

- - Cat Lover in Byron, Calif.

Dear Cat Lover: I was inundated with mail from animal lovers. Here's more:

From Kingston, Ontario: A cat who does not use the litter box concerns me. It means the box should be cleaned more often, or the cat has developed a health problem and needs to see a vet right away!

Los Angeles: Cats are wonderful, sweet and affectionate. Anthony should get rid of his fiancee and find a woman who appreciates him and his feline companions.

Chicago: Please don't blame the cats. The real problem is that Anthony is a lousy housekeeper.

Seoul, S. Korea: Based on how that man treats his cats, she should leave now. A pet is a member of the family. If Anthony is too irresponsible to take care of his cats, how will he take care of a wife?

Houston: Any woman who would make her fiance choose between her or the cats deserves to be dumped. My boyfriend wasn't thrilled about my cats, but I told him we were a package deal. He now loves my cats, and we've adopted another one.

Buffalo: A pet is a member of the family. I wouldn't give away my sister to a loving family if my fiance didn't like her.

Fredericksburg, Va.: If Anthony puts strips of two-sided tape on the countertops, it will keep the cats off them. The cats won't like getting stuck and will stop jumping on the countertops.

Mantua, N.J.: Pets are not disposable! How would she feel if he demanded she get rid of her kids? If she truly loves the man, she will try to work it out.

Watertown: Relationships require compromise, not ultimatums. Anthony sounds like such a slob, she will be cleaning up after him anyway. How much more work could it possibly be to clean up after the cats as well?

Brewster: Why does she want to marry Anthony? He sounds like a lazy bum. She could do better. I hope she will look around for a replacement.

Leicester, N.C.: She knew Anthony had cats when she met him. I have a wonderful dog. As soon as I start seeing someone, I ask if she likes dogs. If not, the relationship ends right there.

Corona, Calif.: Pets are a responsibility and a commitment. Cat lovers should never date cat haters. Anthony should say goodbye and keep looking.

Denver: When I was badly beaten by my drunken boyfriend, one of my cats attacked the guy and sat by my side until I could call for help. My two dogs did nothing to protect me. I left the jerk and kept the cats.

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The letter I liked:

Cat lovers should never date cat haters..................:)
-good advice!


I think I said this before, but in MY case, it's the husband that's the messy one. Then the dog, then me, and lastly my 2 cats. In that order. :D
The hubby does love animals (especially cats) though. However, he does not clean up after any of them (go figure!). I do all that, and it is worth it to me because I love all my babies.
THIS woman though does not love animlals, and having her do the clean-up? Won't happen! They need to go their separate ways, so that he can find a "cat person" and she can continue being the cat hater that she is :( :( :(
(is there a club for cat-haters?)

I've always said "Love me, love my cats". Maybe that's why I don't have a boyfriend or significant other at this time in my life. But ya know, I get unconditional love. No one can top that.

Ann Landers was WRONG!!! I'm glad she was big enough to admit she was wrong.

Cats are not dirty animals. My sympathies are with the cat. I only hope that when the relationship dies, and it will, that this guy will finally wake up and realize how stupid he is for allowing this fiance to call the shots. The cat was there LONG before she was.

If it were me, I'd dump the girlfriend. I also agree with Yorkster. Let her go on being the cat hater that she is. She'll be a lonely one unless she hooks up with another cat hater just like her.

And one more thing...cats DO climb on counters. Maybe not when you're around, but they sure as heck do when no one's home. My solution to that...buy disinfectant and clean like your butt is on fire.

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Originally posted by moosmom
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And one more thing...cats DO climb on counters. Maybe not when you're around, but they sure as heck do when no one's home. My solution to that...buy disinfectant and clean like your butt is on fire.

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YES I agree.........they DO get on the counters. I try and keep them off of there (well, at least when I'm cooking), but I know as soon as I am not around they are up there- I can see little kitty foot prints! :rolleyes:
I too keep an anti-bacterial spray around, and use it whenever I need to.................:)