Working for family (long but very important to me) UPDATED

I decided to post this here because you PT'ers are great! I figured I'd be bound to get some suggestions, ideas, word of encourangement, some thoughts & prayers or something at least.

I'm at witts end here. Desperate, really desperate and majorly upset. :(


I've been working for my father & brother who both own the business (it's just us 3) for about 5 years now (minus one year when I lived in Oregon about 3 years ago).

My father is a great boss & we finally became friends again shortly before I started here. (long story but we didn't get along well at all). He is everything I could ever ask for now, both as a boss, a friend & father.

My brother on the other hand is NOT reliable. My brother has quit on us before, with no notice even, just called that morning & said he found a better job and yes he was part owner then too.
EVERYDAY he has something to complain about, always. For the last year he's been talking about quitting again. Either he says he will open up his own shop closer to his home, quit, sell the business, if you can think of an excuse or reason to quit he has said & thought about it, seriously. I have always been scared to have a boss like that because you really never know what will happen or if I will have a job.
Well for the last few months his ideas to quit are getting worse & worse. My father & I are both scared.
His latest thoughts (which seem pretty serious) is to open a shop near him (he's even spoken to real estate agents & the such about it). He has spoken to my father about it but not me. I know of this because my dad tells me, like I said he is awesome. Anyways EVERYTHING here is in my dads name & I know my dad will not keep this shop by himself. So I am worried about what will become of him. But more importantly I am worried for me. I guess my brother said that if my dad doesn't want this place then he can get rid of it, my brother will keep the one near him & just pay my dad so much $ per week. And I will have one month to find a job (I will get paid for one month after this happens).
Now we don't know if this will happen, but if it does it can happen with only a days notice, thats just how my brother is.
My brother has no heart... he really doesn't.

I've been dealing with this for a year and I just can't take it anymore, especially since it seems to be getting more serious.

SO I want to quit. I need to quit. I have to quit to keep my sanity & to have a secure job.


Theres quite a few problems though. I have so much on my mind.

What if I quit but then my brother decides to stay & the business fails because they don't have me? And honest to god truth, I doubt they could survive with someone else doing my job. They would have to put up with a lot and at other times be bored out of their mind. They would also have to know how to do many tasks, I honestly pretty much run the entire business. They tried when I moved to Oregon, they went through a few employees in under a year, one of the employees was my dads g/f (well ex g/f now). She couldn't even put up with it, mainly the BS but she couldn't handle the job itself either.

What if I quit and that forces my brother to really act upon his thoughts & he quits & my father gets screwed because EVERYTHING is in his name.

My father & I have a long history. It took us about 22 or so years before we actually started to be friends. My dads temper can get the best of him and if I quit his temper will most likely flare up again and he'd hate me for it. I do not want to loose what took us so long to get... our friendship.

I am 99% sure that no matter what job I get I will have to take a decent paycut. I don't know what will happen with that. I'm just getting by as it is. My pets are all I have & there is no way in hell that I can loose them, not even some of them. I honestly don't know how I will be able to afford them. And I can forget about showing Kaige, I will be too broke. Gosh I am in tears now. Ugh I hate this. I can't stop crying.

Theres a ton of other little things too but they are not AS important. Like my dogs probably wouldn't be able to come to my new job, I wouldn't be able to use the net (my home computer is shot & I can't even afford a new one), I would have to bring my car to a real mechanic since my brother & father do a lot of work on it here at our work, the list can go on & on but I'm not too worried about what I mentioned in this paragraph.


To make matters worse I just "re-started my life" about 2.5 years ago, when terrible ex b/f caused a lot of heartache and abuse on my part and MAJOR financial problems on my part as well. I am JUST getting back on my feet from all of that.


I know I have to quit, in the long run it will be much better, but for now I just honestly don't know what to do or think. This has got to be the hardest time in my life.


I've heard so may horror stories about working with family, ours was so great when we first started I thought it couldn't possibly happen to us. I was wrong.
Please people never work for family. You can never tell the future and if something like this occurs you will be devestated.

There's so much more that I am thinking but I think this sums it up good enough for you guys, for now at least.


And yes I have thought about getting a rommate but there isn't anyone I know of that I trust that can live with me. I won't have a stranger because of all my pets.
I do trust one person and that person would live with me but that person has no car and is going on probation. (felony DWI). He really is a great person though. But I am not going to be a taxi & I don't want the bother of someone on probation.

I've thought about getting a second job but having a full time job & all these critters I just don't have enough time.
I've thought about a lot of things, nothing seems feasible.

Sorry for any spelling/grammer mistakes, my eyes are filled with tears. This is tearing me right the heck up.



UPDATE:
I am afraid things are not getting any better. Well they were for a while there, it was going great, JUST now things are going bad again... VERY VERY bad. I will know for sure by the morning, we are having a meeting tonight & tomorrow morning but I am afraid by the looks of things I will be quitting my job.
I am almost possitive that I will have to take a paycut. And I am aware that I *may* not be able to care for all of my critters. Oh gosh I am so sad. This is the ONLY problem I have with quitting this job but I just can not take it anymore. It is bad here at work.
If anyone knows anything about having pets as children & caring for them their entire lives it is me. I took in every pet with the meaning to care for them, to give them a FOREVER home, one that is loving. And believe me I will try my hardest to keep them all & care for them all but I am just not sure how it will be.
I am already in tears big time, my heart is already broken so please do not spam me about this subject at all.
I don't even until it happens, until I find out what job I get & what the pay will be but chances are I I doubt I could start off somewhere with what I make now. But even just the thought of even possibly having to rehome some of my pets tears me up like you wouldn't believe. I don't know how I will handle that one if it happpens.

This job is just tearing me up inside, I am not my usual self working here, I am way stressed out & it is not good at all. I really have no other option (besides winning the lottery). :rolleyes:

I will probably not be on too much the next couple weeks, I will be taking some time off to find another job. Once I do find another job I will hardly ever be on. My home computer is broke & now there is no way I can afford a new one.

Oh Sue.. I am so sorry and at loss of words. I really wish I had some suggestions for you but, it seems you really are stuck between a rock and a hard place. Please do know I am here for you though and if you ever need someone to talk to.


Would it be possible to have a part-time job just to get extra money saved up? Just wondering, however, I don't know what your hours are currently.

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Originally Posted by Kfamr

Oh Sue.. I am so sorry and at loss of words. I really wish I had some suggestions for you but, it seems you really are stuck between a rock and a hard place. Please do know I am here for you though and if you ever need someone to talk to.


Would it be possible to have a part-time job just to get extra money saved up? Just wondering, however, I don't know what your hours are currently.

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No, I can not get a second job right now. I work 9 hours a day (thats why my dogs come with me) and I live 40 miles away from where I work, 45 minutes in good weather with no traffice, with traffic & in the winter it sometimes takes me an hour and a half to get to or from home. So I'm usually gone for 11 hours out of the day as it is.
I've been wanting a second job forever but time wise I can not afford it. And I don't have that much time anyways, a part time job would not help me save much before this happens. I need to find another job ASAP.

If all the paperwork is under your fathers name, then doesn't the company belong to him? Can't he just fire your brother & hire a friend or something?


Well you know where abouts I live. If all hell breaks loose & you cannot afford to keep your pups, my door is open to them. I had to send my Max to a temp family & they were strangers. They were great people. It was the worst thing I had to do to him, but the other option was far worse (PTS).

I do wish your family the best

The answer is as plaiin as the nose on your face have dad let you run it and "sell "it to you $1.00 sounds good then you hire what you need and pay dad to work for you. Job security for both of you.

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If all the paperwork is under your fathers name, then doesn't the company belong to him? Can't he just fire your brother & hire a friend or something?

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That can't be done because they are partners in the business, or were, they are now just both employees as we went INC. a little over a year ago. My father was not all there when this happened as he made my brother president, my father is vice president.
I suppose it could be done... but there would be a LOT of paperwork & the such and because my brother is part owner he would know about it & bail on us before it was complete. Which would be good if my dad or me wanted to keep the business.

We can probably force my brother out and we know that if we did it the right way he would leave again.

But.... (see my reply to the next quote):

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The answer is as plaiin as the nose on your face have dad let you run it and "sell "it to you $1.00 sounds good then you hire what you need and pay dad to work for you. Job security for both of you.

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I don't want the business. Its an Auto Glass business. It is HARD to find an experienced hand. We offer lifetime warranties & the such so in order to stay a-head we need real trustworthy people that do an excellent job and honestly care about what the work they do. It is mighty hard to find good help now-a-days.
My father can't handle all the physical labor himself. (thats the ONLY thing I don't do here is the work... well I do help out & do some of the work but i can't install a windshield by myself). I run everything else that is associated with the business.

I don't want to be the owner of this buisness.

My dad & I both feel that we can't run this properly hiring someone else. The work is tough, VERY hard on the backs & the such. In order to find someone trustworthy to hire, we'd have to pay them a pretty penny. A real pretty penny.
GOOD workers in this business can easily start off making no less than $12/hour and it is not uncommon for them to start off at $15-$18/hour plus full benefits because the job is so straining on your body and most also require their own van. There is just too much involved if we were to hire a reputable full timer.

i second what corinna just said, she took my thought. its a great idea tell you dad about it i also thinks it for the best interest of both.

i also work with my family

i just saw your post, i know it hard to find reliable persons but who better to run a bussiness other than you own family, if you did employ other it would be catastrofic since it not THEIR bussiness so they dont care.

I find it hard to be;eive you can't find a young person hungery for a job and a career may be with the possiblity of owning the shop in a couple years.

(((hugs))) oh Sue, I am so sorry. What a difficult situation you are in, and I know you must feel that no matter what you decide it will be the wrong decision. I don't know that I have any advice, just to have faith in yourself and stay strong. Pretty crappy that your brother would do that, IMO. Let me know if there is anything I can do. You can PM me anytime.

Sue,
If I were you, I would focus on the things I CAN control, and let go of the ones that I cannot. That is easier said than done, I know. However, once you do let go of the things out of your control, you will stop alot of the roller coaster of emotions. Think that through- you cannot control your brother's quittting, opening a new shop, your father's actions of either not staying with the business, etc.

Next, I would remember that you are ONLY responsible for your own actions. Not you brother's, not your father's. Just yours. As long as you do things that put you and your family first, what other people 'feel' is their business, their responsibility.

Then, I would make sure that you are as marketable, and that you have a resume 'up to date', and an idea of what is going on in the marketplace.

Last, here is some reality- family business, or not, you are in the same position most of us are (while we might not 'fess up to it)- replacable as an employee, at the employer's beck and call, and with the risk of having the company fold at a moment's notice. You have some benefits that I bet many of us do not- dogs/pets at work, a month's severance, and the ability to know what is going on with the place. Not meant to diminish your feelings...but, instead, make you realize you are not alone in your position.

Good luck.

updated this in the first post

(((HUGS))) I am so sorry this is happening again. Life's rough patches never seem fair, but have faith that everything will work out in the end. Being miserable at work is hardly worth it, but if it's between that and your critters...whew, not an easy decision. I wish I had some wonderful, inspirational advice to give (like you always give me ;) ) but I really don't except to say that anytime you need to talk PM me. If there is anything I can do please let me know! I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

I just saw this post now. I am so sorry for what you are going through.
I hope you and your father can find a solution to the existing issues.
I know it can be difficult working with relatives, especially parents. I had to work with my dad for 7 years and it was not easy. The only difference, believe it or not, is that at the time, he worked for me. He slacked on his job and expected me to cover for him with the big boss. This made me very unconfortable and upset. I was happy the day he retired and I didn't have to put up with that crap any more. I have since moved away, as you know, and am in a new job.
I truly don't know what to tell you since it's a family business.
I just hope you can resolve some of the problems with your meeting with him.
:(
Don't worry to much about it either way....
I live by the philosophy that when a door closes a BIGGER and BETTER one opens. You and your critters will be fine.
PM me if you need.

:( Giant ((((((Hugs)))))) to you...I don't know what to say...except I hope it all works out in the end, hang in there!

oh........i´m sorry how thing are turning, but i know i speak for a lot of us if not everybody when i say that we are here for you, for whatever you need, i know i´m not as close to you as i would like to be able to help more, but theres plenty PTers willing to give you a hand, if i can help from here just let me know i got your back..........

just dont let yourself down, keep positive, and as said before when a door closes it is because something better is on its way, and everything happens for a reason.......... to get better.

i´m sure we will miss you but we understand what you are going through so take your time, because we will be waiting with arms open.... good luck Sue

HUGS AND KISSES to you and the pooches

I'm so sorry this is happening. Prayers to you. (((HUGS))) :(

Sue I'm so sorry it finally came down to this. I know you"ll find a job fast and it will be the perfect fit. Don't forget all the possiblities look at catnapper she's teaching dog classes . Hug and when your down just email or call me or Gina you know you won't be for long. HUG

Sorry I didn't see this sooner. I think that you and your father should first consult a lawyer to understand any possible legal ramifications - and then if its possible the two of you should either buy out or fire your brother.

Also, check out the internet or the bookstore for books/articles that deal with the psychology of family businesses.

Google something like "family business stress" and you'll be on your way. You'll either be directed to books to buy or you might be able to find online reprints of articles that deal with exactly what you and your father are going through right now.

Finally, I agree with Cataholic - prepare for the idea that you won't work there anymore by having your resume ready. In fact, there's nothing to stop you from starting the process now. Employers tend to want to hire people away from other people, so the best time to look for a job is when you have a job. This will at least remove some of the anxiety of what will happen in the future.

Thanks everyone for the kind words, encouragement & suggestions.

Our meeting went ok, not as well as I thought it would but better than it could of been.
We resolved some issues but things are still left unsaid. It's still very stressful.

Between our meetings we have spoken with each other, lawyers & our accountant.

The bosses did come to an agreement, if anyone (the owners, my brother or father) decides to leave they will do so in the proper way which will take about 6 months (4 months at the soonest up to a year at the latest) for everything to be final. And I will be notified as soon as their decision is made.
So I will have at least 4 months to find another job. And a months pay after they fold the business (if they do). I think that gives me enough time to find a decent job before the business goes under or changes hands or whatever.

But because of the fact that there is still a lot of pressure here & I have a feeling it isn't going to go away and also because I won't know when or if one or both of them will quit I will start looking for another job now.
It will give me more time to find a better job, one where I would still be able to care for all my critters.
Now I can take my time, at least semi-take my time. I may still be stressed out but I will find comfort knowing that I am still with all my critters. They are my priority, as sad as it is sometimes and as much as I have to deal with to keep them right now they do come before me and I wouldn't have it any other way. I just can not live without my animals.

I won't have to take much time off of work now to find another job either because it's not something that will happen litterally any day now.

Now the job hunting begins. :D

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Now the job hunting begins

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Good luck with that :D At least you have a bit of time to look round for something better - which will come along

Whew, at least you have a while to look - that's a relief! I don't know if you are religious, but if you are, put it in God's hands. You have time to be picky about a job, so you can find one which lets you keep your critters - YAY! Keep us updated :)

Best of Luck in your job searching, Sue. I haven't lived up there in 10 years, but unless a lot has changed I know that it's not the easiest place to find a good paying job. Most of my family (all that weren't farmers) worked at either Garlock's or Huntsman. They all raised families on those salaries, though the hours weren't always the best (my dad worked 12 hour days, swing shift). Would those be places you could try? I don't think too many women work at either place, especially Huntsman. My aunt does work at Garlock's though. My uncles ex-girlfriend used to work at the Mobil office, I'm not sure if she's still working there.

best of luck eh :)

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Originally Posted by KBlaix

Best of Luck in your job searching, Sue. I haven't lived up there in 10 years, but unless a lot has changed I know that it's not the easiest place to find a good paying job. Most of my family (all that weren't farmers) worked at either Garlock's or Huntsman. They all raised families on those salaries, though the hours weren't always the best (my dad worked 12 hour days, swing shift). Would those be places you could try? I don't think too many women work at either place, especially Huntsman. My aunt does work at Garlock's though. My uncles ex-girlfriend used to work at the Mobil office, I'm not sure if she's still working there.

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Not too much has changed, jobs are still hard to find especially decent jobs but no, I don't work in factory's. :p I will be finding me a job doing what I used to do, doing what I love do to, working with animals.
Actually I heard garlocks pays a lot more now.

I'll be putting in resumes at vets & shelters! :D I have a few connections from my old jobs & of course my hobby, dogs. Weather or not there are any job openings at the ones I have connections with will be a different story.
I am sure I can find something that I enjoy & pays enough (or if it's a vet offers good enough animal benefits) so I keep my critters! I think I have enough time now.

I wouldn't want to work in a factory either. I only suggested that because I know there aren't too many jobs in Wayne county that pay too well. I have an aunt and uncle that both work at Garlock's. That's not the kind of job you'd look forward to going to though. I'm glad you have time to seek out a job that fits your needs.

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Originally Posted by KBlaix

I wouldn't want to work in a factory either. I only suggested that because I know there aren't too many jobs in Wayne county that pay too well. I have an aunt and uncle that both work at Garlock's. That's not the kind of job you'd look forward to going to though. I'm glad you have time to seek out a job that fits your needs.

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Yeah I understand & appreciate it!
But look where I travel to now, into Livingston County (I travel through 4 counties each day, start in Wayne, Monroe, Ontario then Livingston).
I most likely won't be working in Wayne county, probably Ontario or Monroe. Like you said there is not much in Wayne County. Besides I am right on the border, my neighbor is Monroe Co. lol
Hoping to work at Lollypop Farm (got a job offering there a few times before), thats only 2 miles from my house!

I feel so bad for you..I pray that all will be well for you and your pets.. :( :(

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Originally Posted by lv4dogs

Yeah I understand & appreciate it!
But look where I travel to now, into Livingston County (I travel through 4 counties each day, start in Wayne, Monroe, Ontario then Livingston).
I most likely won't be working in Wayne county, probably Ontario or Monroe. Like you said there is not much in Wayne County. Besides I am right on the border, my neighbor is Monroe Co. lol
Hoping to work at Lollypop Farm (got a job offering there a few times before), thats only 2 miles from my house!

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Wow, I didn't realize you traveled so far. I forgot about Lollypop and we've talked about it before. Both my parents and my uncle worked there in the 70s. My mom was just talking about lollypop the other day.

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Originally Posted by KBlaix

Wow, I didn't realize you traveled so far. I forgot about Lollypop and we've talked about it before. Both my parents and my uncle worked there in the 70s. My mom was just talking about lollypop the other day.

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Yup takes about 45-60 minutes to get to or from work (depending on weather & traffic, in bad storms it has taken me 1.5 hours to get home before.
So on the average 2 hours of my day is driving to & from work. ANOTHER reason I want to quit. I will have more time & it will save me quite a bit in gas too!

finally got to read the whole!

I too, live by philosoph's, everything happens for a reason - already told you that. ;) without a struggle, there is no progress. and god won't make a mountain that you can't climb - looking up at a biiig snowy, cloudy unsure mountain you have to reach can be so stressful!

looks like you've already made a good decision, quit and do what you love!! I remember you mentioned the vet office you used to work for before, is that one only two miles from you? I wish you luck!! let me (us) know the moment you hear "you're hired!" :D

and I know you won't want to hear this because it's last thing you ever want to do but to keep this in mind - whatever, whatever happens that you couldn't take care of your critters, I will take them in. I hope we won't ever need to think about it! (except would love to fuzzysit your fuzzdolls sometimes someday).. :D

no other good goody advice I know of, family business sounds complicated - yikes. many warm hugs, hang in there girl, you'll get over the top really soon!!