How to deal with miserable people?

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10-06-2005, 03:56 PM
catnapper

How to deal with miserable people?

There is someone in the cat rescue who I CAN NOT stand. Only a few times in my life have I had the opportunity to meet someone who so thoroghly annoys me.... and this woman is "lucky" enough to be one of those people. We'll call her Amy.

She goes to the adoption events, stands there with her arms crossed and a scowl on her face. She NEVER has anything nice to say, and simply has no sense of humor at all. She complains all day at hte events about how much she hates them, hates the people, how much time it takes to bring the cats, etc. Finally she decided to stop coming (praise the lord!) because they were "too stressful" for her :rolleyes:. She was at the last adoption event, and I saw that she was there, so I basically turned around and left. I didn't want to spend the day listening to HER. I avoid her like the plague at this point.

Remember the nasty email I sent last month and wanted back? It was about Amy, written to one of the directors of the rescue. Funny thing is, when the person responded to my email, she said I was silly for worrying about being so mean and rude -- all I did was speak the truth about Amy.:p

Well today she started emailing me snippy letters. I KNEW I shouldn't have responded to one of her mass emails this morning. :mad: but she gets me soo, soo, soooooo ticked off!

What can I do when dealing with this miserable human being? NOBODY in the rescue likes her, but we put up with her because she's willing to do some work in the shelter that nobody else wants to do. But basically because of that, she seems to think she has more power or something over us. Grrrr!
10-06-2005, 03:58 PM
Jessika

Hmmm she obviously has something else going on in her life. Have you ever stopped to ask her how her day is going, or ask about her family or even her likes or dislikes?? It seems to me that she is a very lonely woman who probably does not have very many friends and doesn't know how to make them.
10-06-2005, 04:03 PM
catnapper

Well, I can say I TRIED to ask her stuff like that. On the last adoption event, I had heard she is going to help rescue animals in the south left homeless by Katrina. So I TRIED to be kind and ask her about her upcoming trip. All she could do was complain about how work is giving her a hassle about time off, and how the head director is mad at her for leaving her shifts at the shelter uncovered. She didn't talk about the GOOD things about her uipcoming trip, only complained about everything else. I don't think she is capable of happiness.

I simply just left the adoption event after my one attempt at making nice.
10-06-2005, 04:05 PM
Karen

Theater, my dear, theater.
Smile at her really hard whenever you see her. If she starts to complain, smile again and say "Woops, gotta go "make-up task" right now!"

There was a really always cranky lady where I used to work. She'd scowl past my desk many times a day, and was generally unpleasant to deal with. I finally decided on the above technique. I'd smile so hard anyone who KNEW me would have either run scared or at least known it was fake, but ... after doing this for months, she finally stopped one day, and said "You have such a nice smile," and smiled herself. As people around me practically fainted dead away (we all thought her "smile muscles had atrophied from lack of use) I kept my grin, muttered something about crediting my orthodontist and parents for paying the bills, and she continued on her way, still smiling. We kinda became "acquaintances" after that, in that she'd kinda smile when she walked past ever after, and treated my co-workers a smidge nicer, too.

Worth a shot! And at least you'd be exercising YOUR smile muscles, while thinking whatever evil thoughts at her you'd like!
10-06-2005, 04:08 PM
finn's mom

What kind of stuff is she willing to do that no one else is? Maybe if you take the things that she's doing, and, split them up between everyone else, it might be feasible to let her go. Especially if she's such a toxin to everyone in the rescue. One bad apple...
10-06-2005, 04:20 PM
Jessika

Quote:

Originally Posted by Karen

Theater, my dear, theater.
Smile at her really hard whenever you see her. If she starts to complain, smile again and say "Woops, gotta go "make-up task" right now!"

There was a really always cranky lady where I used to work. She'd scowl past my desk many times a day, and was generally unpleasant to deal with. I finally decided on the above technique. I'd smile so hard anyone who KNEW me would have either run scared or at least known it was fake, but ... after doing this for months, she finally stopped one day, and said "You have such a nice smile," and smiled herself. As people around me practically fainted dead away (we all thought her "smile muscles had atrophied from lack of use) I kept my grin, muttered something about crediting my orthodontist and parents for paying the bills, and she continued on her way, still smiling. We kinda became "acquaintances" after that, in that she'd kinda smile when she walked past ever after, and treated my co-workers a smidge nicer, too.

Worth a shot! And at least you'd be exercising YOUR smile muscles, while thinking whatever evil thoughts at her you'd like!

Exactly!! Just make an attempt to be nice to her and befriend her, a chance won't happen overnight, but it is guaranteed to happen. :)
10-06-2005, 04:36 PM
jenluckenbach

I am not very good with miserable people, so I try very hard to just ignore them (or even pretend they don't exist).

I admit to not attempting to befriend them because when it doesn't work MY feelings get hurt. But I don't try to pick fights either, it gets me too upset.

But that's just me.
10-06-2005, 05:24 PM
jazzcat

I'll trade you your miserable person for my oldest sister in law! :D ;) :p

Just to give you some idea what she's like I'm always looking for where she parks her broom when she visits. :rolleyes: For Christmas I'm thinking of getting her a t-shirt I saw. It says "I just haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister". Anybody want to dare me??? :D
10-06-2005, 05:37 PM
jenluckenbach

Quote:

For Christmas I'm thinking of getting her a t-shirt I saw. It says "I just haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister". Anybody want to dare me???

I double dog dare you! :p :p
10-06-2005, 05:52 PM
lizbud

Quote:

Originally Posted by jazzcat

For Christmas I'm thinking of getting her a t-shirt I saw. It says "I just haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister". Anybody want to dare me??? :D

Yes, only if you're sure that it never REALLY happened to her. :p

I find it very draining emotionaly to be around people like that. :( If I had
to work with someone with the sour attitude, I'd probably ignore them as
much as possible.Sad, but true.
10-06-2005, 06:35 PM
Prairie Purrs

Quote:

Originally Posted by jazzcat

For Christmas I'm thinking of getting her a t-shirt I saw. It says "I just haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister".

I want that t-shirt! :D
10-06-2005, 06:40 PM
NoahsMommy

What a timely thread!!

I work with an Amy too!!! NOTHING that comes out of her mouth is positive...only negative and only complaints. She doesn't do her job (I've only been there this week and already I can see she's lazy as heck!!) and responds to me (and others) in such a rude manner, I want to slap her!! She's in her 40s, old enough to know how to treat other people.

I do what Karen does. Ignore her and don't allow her to mess up my day.

I've also encountered other "Amys" in a few of the nursing departments...I tend to be OVERLY sweet when I deal with them and they tend to lose thier thunder. They seem confused that I"m being so nice and helpful. ;)

Hope it gets better for you. ((hugs))
10-06-2005, 07:06 PM
RICHARD

YOU HAVE TO MAINTAIN AN UP ATTITUDE AROUND THESE PEOPLE, NO MATTER WHAT!-

One of the doctors in the area has a really poopy attitude.

I hold the door open for everyone, except this woman, She is a stunning gal-but she always looks ticked off!

One day I stopped and held the door open for her. We made eye contact and she said, "Thanks!" I almost pooped. A few days later she asked me a question.

Now when she walks by my office she actually looks in and I get the feeling we may have a conversation of more than two sentences.

But I still wonder if she'll say something like, "Wanna a little FIRE, Scarecrow?" :( :eek: :confused: :rolleyes: :D
10-06-2005, 07:33 PM
kuhio98

My brother is an "Amy". He complains, complains, complains. Nothing positive ever comes out of his mouth. There's always something wrong. I can't remember what he was yammering on about one day when I said something like "Well, if you're that miserable, why don't you quit?" He turned to me with a totally shocked expression on his face and said, "I'm not miserable, I love my job." :eek: I think with him it's just a habit to complain and bi!ch. He doesn't really mean it. So, I just ignore it.

Maybe "Amy" is one of those people? Still doesn't make it fun to be around, but it could be that she doesn't even realize how negative she is. She probably never will and she'll always wonder why people run the other way when they see her coming.
10-06-2005, 10:54 PM
PJ's Mom

I'm married to an Amy. All I ever hear are complaints.

If you figure out how to deal, please, please let me know. ;)
10-07-2005, 10:36 AM
Laura's Babies

I find some people LOVE being miserable! That is the only way they know to communicate. Those are toxic people and no matter how you try to ignore them, they do pull you down. I just avoid them like the plague.

I had a family member that always spoke to their family in sarcastic tones and they responded in sarcastic tones, even to the kids and the kids to them. All conversations were sarcastic. I pointed it out to them and asked what the deal was. Thank God I brought it to their attention and they have worked on it and now they talk like normal people to one another.
10-07-2005, 11:12 AM
Cataholic

I take a different approach, and readily admit conflict doesn't bother me. I point blank make a statement like, "wow, you are ALWAYS so miserable, I don't know how you stand it". Or, "You complain more than any single person I know". The 'kill 'em with kindness' thing is nice and all, BUT, if you are serious about ridding your life of toxic people, it doesn't get you to home plate.

Life is too short for nasty miserable people. I rid my life of them like I do all nasty habits. Even if you try to remain positive around them, it still spills over.
10-07-2005, 11:14 AM
CalliesMom

I don't handle like that very well. I tend to take everything they say personally, so I just tend to avoid them at all costs. I have family members like that and it can sure be a pain in the you know what..
10-07-2005, 11:37 AM
ramanth

We have an employee here like that. She's always complaining. She complains about how the place is run and how people are not doing their jobs right. :eek:

An example.. my boss and I meet every Friday. I know my boss is a very busy woman so sometimes when I get to her office, she's on the phone, or meeting with someone else. I'll wait paitently outside her door and the employee will rant and rave about how that's just awful for my boss to do that to me.

I'll smile and say that it's no big deal (which it isn't) and the employee will nearly burst an artery!

Now honestly, why get your panties in a twist over something that is no concern to her or her job?

I do my best to avoid her because of this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cataholic

I take a different approach, and readily admit conflict doesn't bother me. I point blank make a statement like, "wow, you are ALWAYS so miserable, I don't know how you stand it". Or, "You complain more than any single person I know". The 'kill 'em with kindness' thing is nice and all, BUT, if you are serious about ridding your life of toxic people, it doesn't get you to home plate.

Life is too short for nasty miserable people. I rid my life of them like I do all nasty habits. Even if you try to remain positive around them, it still spills over.

Oh how I WISH I could say that to a coworker here, but she's been with the place longer and I don't want to get fired. ;) :D