Friends playing "grown-ups"

Printable View

08-31-2005, 04:52 PM
kimboe

Friends playing "grown-ups"

I noticed that everyone around me is married, engaged or having kids,especially having kids. And they are so young (early 18 to 22) When I see a friend I haven't seen in awhile we catch-up on eachother and they tell me they are either engaged or having kids, they ask me if I'm doing the same and I reply "No"
And they give me this look like "Oh, Thats too Bad.." I have a boyfriend and we've been dating for three years, and I love him. But I just feel that i'm still to young to get married or to have kids and I want the freedom to do what I want whenever and not have to worry about a babysitter!
I think what really bothers me is my girlfriends are having kids when they themselfs are still kids.
Does any one else feel this way?
08-31-2005, 05:06 PM
catnapper

Follow your heart. For some people, having children in their early 20s is just fine for them, for others they are not ready for such a step and end up resenting their spouse, their children, their lives. If you know its not for you, then you are right!

When I was young, I also thought the same ting. I thought my brother was too young when he got married at 24, with his wife being 23. But they are still going strong 7 years later, so who can tell? I was 28 when I finally got married. That was the perfect timing for me.
08-31-2005, 05:08 PM
caseysmom

Kimboe....it sounds like you are the smartest one of the bunch! Seriously you are giving yourself time to enjoy your life before settling down to the HUGE committment of children...good for you and you should follow your heart.
08-31-2005, 05:20 PM
PJ's Mom

Quote:

Originally posted by caseysmom
Kimboe....it sounds like you are the smartest one of the bunch!

I agree. :) When it's time, you'll know.

I was married at 18 and had my first daughter at 19. I went on to have 3 more kids in 2 years. (twins) While I don't regret having kids (my kids are awesome!) I do regret having to grow up with them.
08-31-2005, 05:22 PM
dukedogsmom

I agree that you are way too young. You change a whole bunch in your early 20's. As for having kids, I don't understand the stigma and pressure of every woman on the earth having to have them.
08-31-2005, 05:25 PM
caseysmom

Kids are a bit like animals...there are way too many for this planet and there are unwanted ones...and there are parents that don't take good care of the ones they have and some people that have some because they are "cute" ...hehe wait till they hit their teens!
08-31-2005, 05:47 PM
kimboe

Thanks guys for your encouragement, It feels better knoiwng that I'm not shunned because I'm not having kids. I will want to have children of my own or even adopt but I think I'll wait when I feel that I can be a good teacher and role model. Till then I'm going to enjoy life as a young adult!
( i was told that if you can have a well behaved dog you are almost ready to be a parent)
Thanks everyone:D
08-31-2005, 06:15 PM
caseysmom

I don't think parenthood is for everyone, in fact sometimes I think "what the heck was I thinking!". It is a lot of work and is greatly underappreciated most of the time, thank goodness not everyone reproduces, I see nothing wrong with people that don't have kids.
08-31-2005, 06:17 PM
DJFyrewolf36

I got married at 21 and I don't regret it at all :) I am glad though that we are waiting to have kids. I myself would rather know that I'm financially and emotionally secure before I took on the responsability of having a child.
I also DJ as my second job...I don't think having a small child at nightclubs and parties is a very good idea ;)
08-31-2005, 06:27 PM
slleipnir

I couldn't even imagen myself having kids right now..I KNOW I'm not mature enough. I think you're smart for knowing what is best for you :)
08-31-2005, 07:10 PM
Sirrahsim

It's different for everybody. you can't let anyone pressure you to do something that you aren't ready for. I got married at 18 and was only 20 when I had my sweet little boy. It was the perfect choice for myself as I feel like being a Mom has been my calling all along. Some 20 year olds are ready for that next step and some aren't. I for one have no regrets:D
08-31-2005, 11:34 PM
caseysmom

Missy, your very mature for your age. I didn't mean that anyone who marries young is not smart, look at the beautiful family you have. I was 20 when I got married and am 44 now and still married, it just depends on the person.

I just meant its smart to do what is best for you and not follow along with others.
08-31-2005, 11:55 PM
Sirrahsim

I didn't take it personally, don't worry :)
09-01-2005, 08:15 AM
neko1

Quote:

Originally posted by dukedogsmom
As for having kids, I don't understand the stigma and pressure of every woman on the earth having to have them.

THANK YOU!!!!!! For 7 years I have been constantly hounded about having kids!!!

I got engaged when I was 21 and didn't get married until I was 26. And I have no intention of having kids. The only person who seems to understand that is my mother.

Marriage and kids all depends on the people involved-everyone matures at a different rate. Also, not everyone wants to party and date random people in their 20's. I never had the desire to do that. I never dated a bunch of people in my early 20's, nor have I ever been to a club, and I was never interested in partying.
09-01-2005, 08:59 AM
JenBKR

Quote:

Originally posted by DJFyrewolf36
I got married at 21 and I don't regret it at all :) I am glad though that we are waiting to have kids. I myself would rather know that I'm financially and emotionally secure before I took on the responsability of having a child.
I also DJ as my second job...I don't think having a small child at nightclubs and parties is a very good idea ;)

I am in a very similar situation - I was married at 21, and I don't regret it one bit. I'm 26 now, and we both want kids but agree that now is not the time. I am just enjoying my freedom right now. People ask me all the time when we are going to have kids, like there is something wrong with me! Argg it gets annoying. My SIL actually told me that if I don't hurry up it will be too late :confused: :confused:
09-01-2005, 11:31 AM
Cataholic

All of you that are so bothered by everyone asking you when you are getting married or having kids must really hang around a bunch of ninnys. Why don't you ditch these people instead of complaining that all they do is ask you inappropriate questions all the time?

I can't think of anyone that ever asked me if/when I was getting married or having children, excluding the genuine "what is going on in your life" type conversations that you would have with a friend or close family member. It isn't like asking these things is illegal, immoral, or indecent.

As for having kids early OR late...it is such a personal decision, and there are certainly pros and cons to it. Missy represents the early marriage/child and I represent the single, never married/LATE child (WAY late, he he he).

It works for me. I can think of things I do now that younger mothers can't/don't. I can think of things that I cannot do now, as nearly a senior citizen, that would probably make Missy laugh!

The thing about other people respecting YOUR decisions...you gotta respect OTHER people's decisions, too!
09-01-2005, 11:34 AM
JenBKR

Quote:

Originally posted by Cataholic
All of you that are so bothered by everyone asking you when you are getting married or having kids must really hang around a bunch of ninnys. Why don't you ditch these people instead of complaining that all they do is ask you inappropriate questions all the time?

kinda hard to get away from the inlaws!!

I just don't like being told all the time what I should do with my life...I think the pregnancy/child question is kind of rude, what if we were trying and could not get pregnant?? That is no one's business
09-01-2005, 11:46 AM
Cataholic

Quote:

Originally posted by JenBKR
kinda hard to get away from the inlaws!!

I just don't like being told all the time what I should do with my life...I think the pregnancy/child question is kind of rude, what if we were trying and could not get pregnant?? That is no one's business

You simply look at the perpetrator and say, "You know, I really can't stand being asked that question. It bothers me. Please don't bring it up again."

If you are suggesting that despite such a direct comment from you that they would STILL ask- you have real ninnys for inlaws. I would stay away from them. Why should you subject yourself to someone that cares so little for your feelings?
09-01-2005, 03:38 PM
Anita Cholaine

Perhaps I'm too "young" to give my opinion on this thread (I'm 14), but I think that I wouldn't get married and have children so young...

I want to study, go to university and that things before, there will be time to have children later.
Of course that it's different for every person. There are lots of young girls that get married when they are 18, and perhaps that's the right choise for them...:)