I cannot take her crap anymore.

I'm done.

You see, my dad got another job as a part-time bartender at this place he golfs at. He's real good friends with the owners and they needed help badly, so he offered to help out a few nights a month and ended up with another part-time job.

My brother has soccer games Tuesdays and Thursdays. My dad works every Thursday in August at the Legion (golf/workplace). He asked my mom at the beginning of the month when he got his work schedule if she would be able to take Jake to soccer on those 4 Thursdays he had to work. She said she would see, but she was pretty sure she could.

On WEDNESDAY, she tells us she can't take Jake to soccer because she has to go to volleyball. She signed up for this league ages ago, but has never gone and even said she didn't like it, but all of a sudden she HAS to go to volleyball that night. She called me and Jake and told me that she couldn't take Jake. Here was our convo:

Mom: I don't think I will be able to take Jake to soccer tonight.
Me: What the heck? Why not? You said you would.
Mom: I have to go to volleyball.
Me: (angry) When? What time?
Mom: I have to be there around 6.
Me: Well Jake's game starts at 5:30. Drop us off and I will stay there with him.
Mom: Megan, NO. I don't want to do that.
Me: What? Why not?
Mom: Because we might want to go out or something afterward.
Me: Mom, you HAVE to be kidding me.
Mom: Jake doesn't even like soccer.
Me: HOW WOULD YOU KNOW? Jake LOVES soccer.
Mom: Just have dad call me.

I hung up. She has never ONCE been to ANY of his sports games or anything. She wouldn't know if he liked soccer or not. She barely even asks him how is game was or if they won. She was making me SO angry. She ended up calling my dad and my dad said a few choice words ("You haven't been much support to him anyway...", "There you go, letting him down again..." etc.)

Sooo, she calls later this weekend, and tells my dad that she didn't even play volleyball.

EXCUSE ME? How can she do that? She didn't even PLAY. She just went to meet some of her friends. How irresponsible.

I was so mad, I didn't even want to talk to her, and I don't think my dad did either.

I've been living the past 6 years of my life without a mother. Even though she moved out only a year and a half ago, she has been gone longer than that. She has never participated in anything we have done. She misses most of my concerts, pep band performances, marching performances, my brothers soccer, football and baseball games, the list goes on. I've come to a point in my life where I DON'T CARE anymore. It's too hard to care for someone who doesn't care about you. She needs to start realizing that she is missing things that she won't be able to get back. She missed my concerts as first chair french horn in band. She missed all of my solos. She missed it all, and she won't be able to get any of it back. She needs to realize that. And even if she can't realize that she's missing out, she needs to realize that WE are missing out. I don't have memories of a mom who cheered me on at a concert. I don't remember her ever being proud of me. I don't know anything besides a mom who sits at home on her computer all night and watches life pass her by.

I am not taking pity on her anymore. She has no excuses for missing out on our lives.

I am not letting her rule my life and I'm not letting her attitude bring me down. I have decided that I have a bigger, better life to live, and I'm not going to sit and pity myself over the fact that I have a heartless mother. I want to live happily and not be so brought down and angry by my mothers actions. I'M DONE.

*gets off soapbox, puts it back*

As a dear friend of mine did, just change how you think of that person. Think of her as a weird, wacko Aunt, and not as a parent. Two friends of mine, one who decided this in high school, one afterwards, said that made their lives much easier. Expect nothing from her, and she cannot disappoint you. Be glad you've got a good Dad - one decent parent is more than some kids ever have. Give him a hug (if it's not as muggy where you are) and tell him you love him. Tell Jake that, too.

Any older women (as in older than you) around in the neighborhood, extended family, church or work that you that you could look to as a mentor?

Someone who can perhaps see beyond the end of her own nose?

Good luck, kiddo. We're here when you need us.

((((((((HUGS)))))))) I am very sorry to hear this. It must be horrible that you have to deal with that. Both my mom and dad aren't much of parents to me, I deal with it, I have learned not to depend on them. I am here for you if you ever need to talk:)

Steph and Jes

I'm so sorry. I know how you feel though and it sucks. My mom wasn't there for me either. She was there as in living in the house, but totally not there for either my sister or me. It's a long and ugly story, I won't go into details, but feel free to PM me anytime. Like you my dad was always there for me.

I agree with Karen about finding an older woman as a mentor, maybe a friends mom or a teacher. I didn't find a mentor until I was 18. About 2 weeks after I graduated I got a job at a pet boarding facility (I'm still there, 5 years later). There was an instant bond between my boss and me. She became my mentor and a mother figure in my life.

(((hugs))))

I am so sorry you are going through this. I can't imagine a mom feeling like that, she sounds very selfish.

Please don't let her actions make you feel bad about yourself, its all about her. I guarantee if you were my kid I would not miss one of your events for the whole world.

Karen is right, just be sooo thankful for your Dad, he may not show it but it probably has hurt him a lot too.

I'm so sorry that's going on, I kinda know how you feel. My sister is doing the same thing with her 2 daughters(their only 2 and 3!!). I feel bad because she just doesn't care about anything with them, she didn't even go to the zoo with them for the first time, and when Emmy was sick she couldn't give her, her medicine because she had school! My God sometimes I just want to kick the crap out of her for that!! But Selina lives with us and Emmy lives with my Aunt Ruthy down the street. One of the sad things is Emmy calls my Aunt Ruthy mom and Selina calls my mom, mom. Kelly doesn't even care...

I'm an "older" woman. I'll mentor you.

I would love one of you great PT women to be a mentor. A few of you I am already very close to. :) Thanks for the support everyone.

You've always got your PT "Moms" to care for you. Wish I could help in a more practical way

Yeah, I agree, you know we're always here for you, Meg. ((((((((BEAR HUG)))))))

Mom of the year strikes again...

Well along comes another Thursday and she has to do a live remote for her store. She has to go at 6, meaning my sister has to take Jake to soccer and someone has to get me to work at 4. Well I'm DONE with work at 10, and that's the only responsibility she has that night, is to pick me up from work at 10pm. She tells me to walk, stop being so lazy and walk the 2.5 miles at 10pm at night to her house because she wants to go out after that and doesn't want to have to worry about picking me up.

Please don't let me be the only one to think there is something WRONG with that?

Quote:

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Originally posted by ILoveMyAbbyGirl
M

Please don't let me be the only one to think there is something WRONG with that?

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She is totally WRONG - bet she'd be the first to scream about her baby if anything happened to you while you walk home!!!! Stupid woman :mad: :mad: :mad:

She's wrong, and still the same self-centered person you've always described.

Demand either taxi-money, or a ride. Just because she's too stupid to see the possible dangers of you, walking home 2.5 miles at night, already exhausted from working, or think about your well-being, doesn't mean you need to be.

she is the one who is wrong Mack. Is this only on the nights your dad works? Is there anyway you and your dad can work out a schedule where you take him to work and then pick him up so you have RELIABLE transprotation. What about a neighbor or something like that?

Megan, I just found this thread and now have more understanding about the one I responded to earlier. :( :(

Are you living with your mom or your dad at this point? I guess I'm asking who has the custodial rights. It sounds like you and your brother would be better off under your dad's roof 100% of the time, just finding a way to get where you need to get, than to endure the stresses of staying with your mom. I know that divorce is complicated and luckily, my daughter's dad and I have always been able to work together for her benefit, although I am the custodial parent and he lives in another town.

I just wish there was some peace for you, somewhere. I'm glad your sister is there to at least help some.

Logan