One more prayer request from the Nug (baby) and I...

I'm sorry, I know this is getting old, always asking for prayers and the like but I had an old (eh, "buried" is more accurate) fear of mine renewed last week at the doctor's. It was my 3rd visit. My doctor walked in and said "Okay, you're 16 weeks and 5 days along. You need to decide whether or not you want the triple screen done. It's routinely done between 16 and 18 weeks. It screens for Down's Syndrome and neural tube defects." I asked him if he suggests that other patients get it and he said "It really depends on whether or not you think you're at risk, or if you want peace of mind. It's up to you." So I reminded him that I was born with spina bifida. He said "Well then I'd get it". I asked if the fact that my mother had another (stillborn) baby that had a neurological problem raised my chances of having a child with problems and he said "Well it certainly doesn't help. I can't make you get this test if you don't want to but you'd be stupid not to."

I've had this horrible fear since I first went to Johns Hopkins for tests years ago. I met with the Chief of Neurology and he said that my chances of having a child with a problem were raised because of my mother's history. So what my OBGYN said today wasn't a surprise. It just sort of unearthed that fear I had from years ago. If this baby has problems, it's my fault. It's my genes causing the neural problems. And I can't a damn thing about it. I've never felt more helpless than right now.

I went in for the bloodwork on Saturday. Results aren't available for one to two weeks, normally. I'm just so scared. If you could send some prayers or something... This poor baby's going to suffer enough being born to me - it doesn't need a neural defect on top of it. I don't remember ever being this scared. Not even before a needle -- which should tell you something.

Josh and I have talked though, and we've decided the course of action we take will be the same regardless of what the test results say. If it comes back abnormal, we'll be sent for a detailed ultrasound so we can *see* the damage and start making a plan for once the baby's born and we'll also be referred to a genetic counselor. But even if the results are normal, we are still going to ask for a detailed ultrasound (for peace of mind as we've been told this specific test isn't the most accurate) as well as a referral to a genetic counselor to discuss the probabilities and possibilities of this issue with our future children. (I'd wanted to meet with a counselor BEFORE we started our family for just this reason but yeah... that kind of went out the window once my husband's swimmers decided to ignore the fact that I was on the pill.) Even though our plan of action is the same regardless of the results, it would still be much better if they came back normal. Some of my friends are "What does it matter if you're doing the same thing either way?" It matters.

On a slightly happier note, I have an appointment for a sonogram on Wednesday. If my baby is cooperating, I'll be able to tell you on Thursday if it's a Nugget or a Nuggette. So throw in a prayer that we can see IT (or as I'm hoping, lack of IT) because I *really* want to know.

Thanks.
Jaime

Sending you a great big hug!!! Baby will be lucky to be born to you and nothing is your fault!!

Hope it helps, I was told that my Katie would be a cabbage due to some drugs I was taking at her conception - was advised to go for termination as she would have heart defects.....I didn't listen - and this is my girl now aged 15!

With lots of love

Oh Jaime, big {{{hugs}}} and prayers going out for you and the nug that all will go well. I am sure that you will be a wonderful mother no matter what. But, of course, I am keeping my fingers crossed for a healthy beautiful little nug(ette) for you. ;)

If it gives you peace of mind, then by all means, have the tests...but like was said earlier..it is certainly NOT your fault..this baby will be loved and you will be a wonderful mom.

and Brody's Mom, your Katie is a gorgeous young lady!

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your Katie is a gorgeous young lady!

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Thank you - scares me to think if I'd taken any notice of the "experts" she wouldn't be here

Big hugs to you, Samantha. And when I hug you, your Sprout is automatically included! ;)

Want to come back to one phrase:

You say "If something's wrong then it's my fault as it is in my genes."

This means you would consider yourself as responsible. You cannot be responsible for something you cannot influence. And this for sure is something you cannot influence.

If you continue this thought you would say it is your mother's fault that you have been born with the spina bifida. I am convinced you would never say it like that.

And in your case- you can see how good the outcome was.

So we will keep our fingers crossed for happy and healthy baby. Nugget/Nuggette will be more than his/her genes- that is for sure.;)

No... I don't blame my mother. But before my sister and then me, there was NO history of neural tube defects on either side of my family... so I don't know where mine and my sister's defects came from. So I don't blame anyone. But if this baby has one, it's definitely from my genes. I know I don't have control over it (another problem I have, being a planning/control freak) but I'd still feel responsible for it.

And no, if the baby has a problem, I won't love it less. I just hope it doesn't have an additional issue in life to have to deal with - there's enough going on.

Wow, Jaime, that is a lot to deal with. I hope your baby is completely healthy, as I know that is the only thing I care about as far as having kids one day. Just make them healthy. I know you must be so scared, I can't even imagine what that wait is going to be like. I can understand why you'd feel responsible, even though you know you shouldn't. ;) I'd probably feel the same way. I hope everything is normal in the test. But, I'm looking forward to seeing your baby, regardless or the results, as I know he will be loved unconditionally.

I remember being so scared about those things when I was pregnant. I even thought the ultrasound photo looked like my daughter was deformed and they didn't catch it, I told nobody the whole pregnancy, just lived with that fear.

I am no expert but I believe there is a lot more being done to prevent spina bifida...did you start on pre-natal vitamins pretty early on? Folic acid is suppose to prevent that, I remember eating a lot of green leafy veggies and taking my vitamins.

It sounds like those maternal hormones are kicking in and you are worrying about everything...hehe it will be like that for at least 18 years.

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Originally posted by caseysmom
I remember being so scared about those things when I was pregnant. I even thought the ultrasound photo looked like my daughter was deformed and they didn't catch it, I told nobody the whole pregnancy, just lived with that fear.

I am no expert but I believe there is a lot more being done to prevent spina bifida...did you start on pre-natal vitamins pretty early on? Folic acid is suppose to prevent that, I remember eating a lot of green leafy veggies and taking my vitamins.

It sounds like those maternal hormones are kicking in and you are worrying about everything...hehe it will be like that for at least 18 years.

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I didn't know I was pregnant until I was almost 6 weeks along. I was a week late for my period so I took the HPTs. When those came back positive, I got some generic pre-natals at Rite-Aid but I didn't start on the doctor's prenatal vitamins until 8.5 weeks because he didn't need to see me until then. Prior to that, I took folic acid supplements off and on, but not regularly as Josh and I were not intending to start trying for a family for two more years. All that has me worried too, especially when all the articles say that the very beginning of development is the most important time to eat right and take vitamins, etc... and I didn't even know I was pregnant! I also drank a lot more than I usually do the beginning/mid-April. *sigh*

There should be some fool-proof notification we get the second conception happens. :(

I would have the tests done. It will either ease your mind or help you to prepare. Either way that baby will be lucky to have you and you to have him or her. Best wishes and prayers to you.

I tried for 9 years to get pregnant. I had fillings once with no novacaine just in case...

I am sure you will be fine, I don't think spina bifida is as prevalant as it use to be and it sounds like you got started on the vitamins pretty quick. down's syndrom is something you just can't help, my daughters best friends has a sister with downs, she is a lovely child, more work than a child without downs but she is loved and she is a real sweetie.

Jaime, sending you prayers and positive vibes. I think you are being very positive about the worries you are faced with - looking into counselling etc.

I am praying that all your worries will be unfounded. I think this is one blessed lucky little baby to have YOU for a mommy!!

*HUGS* Pray all goes well with the tests.

Sending lots of positive vibes your way for you and your little nug;)

Thanks everyone. I've called the dr. office to find out if I can get the results of the blood test over the phone as they take 1-2 weeks to come back but my next appt. isn't until 8/19 and I don't think I can wait that long. They said I could so I'll try Friday and if it isn't back by then, I'll try again next Wednesday.

I also talked to the imaging center where I'm going for the sonogram on Wednesday. Since it's a level II sonogram, it can also be zeroed in on certain possible problematic areas so I called to have them put it in my information that I'd like to check out the spine and head (in addition to the gender, of course). So it looks like within the next week at the most, I'll have a pretty good idea of if my baby Nug has any neural issues.

I also was able to find a genetic counselor who gave me some statistics for women with neural tube defects passing them along to their children. She said with my mother's history and the fact that I have the gene, I am still "only" at a 5-10% chance of passing it along! :) That made me feel some better. I still plan on meeting with a referred one within the next month or two, but the fact that this one put my chances that low (well a preferred number would be 0-1% but I can live with 5-10%...) relaxes me a little bit. :)

I'll keep you all updated. Thanks agian for the thoughts and prayers. Nug and I appreciate it (s/he is moving around as I type!).