Adopting from China...questions

I'm kind of curious as to why there are so many adopted Chinese children (mainly girls)? Since I am Chinese, I know that girls are often belittled and deemed worthy only for marrying off to families. I also know that males are revered for continuing the family name and trade, as well as upholding honor. Therefore, many girls are often abandoned (as my mother was). However, I thought this atrocious act was a thing of the past as I would expect the government to make laws guarding against abandonment based solely on gender.

Is there a particular crisis over there that I don't know about? Relatives over here in America don't speak about it, which is a pity because I'm *very* curious as to what the situation is in China. I know Beijing enacted a one-child rule (or, at least the last time I checked). So are unplanned pregnancies the "culprit"? My first thought was that families in one-child areas would try to birth a son. Daughters born before the son would be given up for adoption. Am I correct? Thanks for any info you have.

I'm sorry I can't be of too much help here... but I did find these two links on google (amongst thousands!) http://www.china.org.cn/english/2002/Oct/46138.htm
http://www.findarticles.com/p/articl...5/ai_112132022
The latter link dealing with "why" and the first explaining the law of the "one child policy"... hope this can be of some help!

a little off topic but I plan on adopting in 8-9 years, from Russia, and would prefer a boy :)

I agree with your thinking though, "My first thought was that families in one-child areas would try to birth a son. Daughters born before the son would be given up for adoption." thats what I was thinking too.

As far as I know, things like this are still going on. Atleast that's what i've been told.

This sort of practice is VERY much a current issue in China (though, not limited to China).

Because of the limit on children, AND the fact that sons take care of their parents later on in life (whereas girls take care of their husband's parents), girls are routinely discarded- the lucky ones make it into an orphange. :(

I don't know much about it, but I do know a lady on another board I visit who has adopted two daughters from China. I can try putting you in touch with her if you'd like.

Our best friends adopted 2 little girls from China, so I know a lot from them. I am sorry to tell you, but it is still the habit to give up girls when they are firstborn. However, it is NOT possible to adopt a kid directly from a family. Only "registered" abandoned kids can be adopted. So what do people there do? They drop their girl in front of an orphanage, leaving absolutely no possibility to identify the baby. Then they make sure that the centre "finds" it . The baby is then registerd as a found and abandoned baby. Shortly after that, it is ready to be given up for adoption. The parents to be have to reside in China for about 1 month before they may leave with the baby. Our friends did this 2 times. They say that the period in China is hard, because of the hot weather, and the insecurity about the child. The day they left and got on the plane was the most happy day for them !

Sorry for not giving you better news, but this is the truth... :(

ps. We have 2 adopted kids too, one from Korea, and one from India

Okay, I may make some people angry but I've gotta say this.

What is wrong with adopting so many unwanted older children in the U.S.???

My childhood best friend is a foster parent in Connecticut. I also have a cousin who adopted a son from the Czech Republic 3 years ago, and is trying to adopt another child from the same place.

While I know people are looking for "babies" (the same way certain people look for kittens as opposed to adult cats) there are SO many unwanted older children that are in desperate need of loving homes. I also know that because of legalized abortions, there are far less infants available.

I just don't understand why people would spend THOUSANDS of dollars and go through miles of red tape just to have a "baby".

I don't mean any disrespect, I just find it bizarre.

Donna, not every child in the foster care system is available to be adopted. And some people do adopt older than infants, too. Each child's situation is different.

Quote:

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Originally posted by moosmom
Okay, I may make some people angry but I've gotta say this.

What is wrong with adopting so many unwanted older children in the U.S.???

My childhood best friend is a foster parent in Connecticut. I also have a cousin who adopted a son from the Czech Republic 3 years ago, and is trying to adopt another child from the same place.

While I know people are looking for "babies" (the same way certain people look for kittens as opposed to adult cats) there are SO many unwanted older children that are in desperate need of loving homes. I also know that because of legalized abortions, there are far less infants available.

I just don't understand why people would spend THOUSANDS of dollars and go through miles of red tape just to have a "baby".

I don't mean any disrespect, I just find it bizarre.

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Sorry, but is it so difficult to understand why we who canned get children of our own, love to get a younger child? I have missed so much because of what nature decided for us; I have never held a sweet little own newborn in my arms. I have never been able to breast-feed my kids. When we decided that we wanted to adopt, we put a age-limit of 2 years on the application. I know there are many older kids, I know; let me tell this: we were the happiest parents in the world when we heard that our first baby from Korea was only 6 months old when was ready for adoption..... .
About the money spent: we made sure that we didn't work with "money-getters", and that all the money spent went to our future kid and to the orphanage!
No offense though :)

see this threath about our daughetr Indra
http://petoftheday.com/talk/showthre...5&pagenumber=1

I just viewed a documentary on this same subject last week, sadly it is still going on in China, and baby girls are still even killed at birth, some are in orphanages and the conditions are apalling there, they have their legs tied to chairs, and become like brain damaged children, it is a terrible situation.

I understand what you are saying Donna, infact I was saying to my husband if we win lotto I wish to adopt a child from Russia or somewhere, his answer was like your's well why not here, plenty of children available here, of course we would want an older child, so that is not the reason for me.

I look at it this way, our children here are well looked after, the orphanages are great in comparison, I feel the conditions some of these poor children live in are inhumane, and that is why if I had the money I would personally choose a child from another country, also because of our age, we would not be eligible in NZ to adopt, we would be considered too old.

Its very sad that such things still happen in many parts of the world. Very sad. :(

Donna...while I understand what you're saying, I don't see why its so shocking that parents would want a baby. I think its human nature to desire raising a small infant. I'm not married yet, so I obviously don't know if I can or can't have a baby of my own, (lol) BUT...I often think about this, and wonder about raising my very own baby from birth. I think it would be such a special feeling to raise a child right from the start, and nurture him/her in the way I want. I know that *if* for some reason I cannot have a child, (and I hope and pray that won't be the case)...IF I cannot have my own baby, I do intend to adopt, and I intend to adopt a baby. Not a child. A baby. Why? Its because I want to experience the joy of raising a tiny, needy child. I want to experience motherhood at its core. I want to have a little baby that I will love and care for and raise how I want. I feel, the younger the child, the closer that child would be to me. If I get an older child...well...the feelings between us may not be the same. An older child is also, already fixed in his/her ways. I want a baby that I would be able to raise in a way that he/she would be very well-behaved and respectful. Raising a child properly works well when it starts from the very beginning. This does not mean I don't care for older, needy orphans. Of COURSE i do, and if God gives me the means to do so, I would love to donate to needy orphans in the future. When it comes to raising my own child though, if I were to adopt, it would be a baby. Its not like a kitten...sorry. I don't compare animals to human beings, as much as I love and care for them. Besides, a cat's mind will never be as developed as an older human child's mind, and a human child would feel and react to situations differently...not like a cat or any other animal.

Donna-
I don't have the energy to go into it right now, but, it isn't as simple as you might think. I know. My sister just went through it. Adopting an American child is **very** difficult.

Donna,

While I do agree that charity should start at home, people have things put on their heart for certain reasons. Its what makes everyone different.

I plan to adopt children too. I prefer to adopt where the need is greatest. In my area, black children are most in need...that's what I will adopt.

Hope that helped a little.

Hugs,
Kelly :)

I think we all understand what Donna is saying and can relate to her comments, and that we should indeed look after our own first, but as people have commented for one reason or another it is not always that simple.

I think adopting a child from whatever country is a great thing to beable to do, unfortunately only people with money can adopt from overseas, I believe it costs in the region of around Twenty five thousand dollars min.

I can also understand people wanting to adopt babies, but sadly because that is the case and people are keeping their babies more now, there are few available, and the older children just get left behind.

Kelly you will make a great mother, and it is wonderful that you intend to adopt a child, good luck when the time comes.

There was a family on nanny 911 the other day, they had adopted 23 special needs boys from here and abroad. Her husband was a quadrapelegic, what a special lady.

I agree with you, Donna.

I do understand that people want younger children, like babies, but I just can't help but feel sorry for the older children or teenagers. I know some people don't agree with this comparison, but I do think it is like adopting a puppy or a kitten from the shelter. When people are looking for an animal, what do they usually want? A young dog or a young cat. It's very rare to have a family walk into a shelter and want an older animal, at least in my experience. They don't want to deal with the behavorial problems an older animal might have, and instead want to try to start "fresh" with a puppy or a kitten. Same with a human baby. I'm not comparing animals to humans, but I am comparing the "want" or "need" for a younger baby, child, dog, cat, whatever.

Anyway.. I don't plan to have children when I'm older, but I highly respect those that decide to adopt children. :)

Quote:

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Originally posted by moosmom
Okay, I may make some people angry but I've gotta say this.

What is wrong with adopting so many unwanted older children in the U.S.???

My childhood best friend is a foster parent in Connecticut. I also have a cousin who adopted a son from the Czech Republic 3 years ago, and is trying to adopt another child from the same place.

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As a former child protection worker, I can speak to some of this. It is extremely difficult to adopt a child out of the foster system. First, most of them want to maintain a relationship with their biological parents. Adoptive parents may not want abusive people in their children's life and may not be able to or comfortable policing that interaction with bio-parents. It's very difficult to completely sever a biological parents right to a child, no matter what they did to the kid.

Even when the kids in permanent government care, the parents are still informed of plans and decision. Parents often have visiting rights, especially for holidays and special occasions, even in the kid is in care for good. Permanent care orders are also revokable. If the parent gets their act together, they can apply to the court to have their chidlren returned. Many children refuse adoption (older kids have to give their consent to be adopted) as they are holding on to hope that their parent will someday regain their care.

Kids in foster care also are often special needs. It takes a special kind of person to devote their life to raising a child with Fetal Alcohol syndrome. Many of these kids will never be able to function on their own. They will be children forever. That's not a task many people are up to.

The restrictions on adoption limit options. In Canada, you can't adopt a First Nations child unless you are also native and preferably from the same band. Over half of the kids in foster care in Canada are native. There simply aren't enough healthy homes from their own heritage to take them all.

Age is a huge issue for adopting. I have a good friend who is 50, his wife is in her late 30's. They were told they were too old to adopt a child in Canada, even an older child. He's a lawyer, she's a teacher. They are wealthy, settled, lovely people who happen to be infertile. They went to China and adopted a little girl who is the centre of their world now!

Ever smoke pot as a teenager? Don't tell someone doing an adoption home study. You will be denied. Even if you are now a professional 40 year old who does nothing worse than a beer on friday night.

Gay, lesbian? Chances are they will find a reason not to adopt to you without saying it's your sexual orientation. Sad, but true.

So for alot of people, it's not that much hassle, red tape or even money. They want a child and can't have one or adopt one here. So they look to foreign countries to find their children.

The situation in China is unfortunate. Due to their one-child rule, most people there want a boy because he will carry on the family name. What I find terrible is that if they have twins, one of the twins has to either be adopted out or aborted. I think that's terrible! It's not their fault they have twins. If the mother chooses not to get rid of one child, the government will take away their house, their job, all of their sources of income, they will close their bank account, etc, until the person finally gives up the child. At that point they have nothing.

I don't think I'd ever adopt -- I'd like to foster older children though. I would rather switch from child to child, helping them as they go on their way, until they are adopted permanently by someone else. I love to feel like a teacher and a helper. I'm sure it would be alot of fun. I don't know if the government will ever let me foster though. I'm sure you have to have special qualifications. Do you need your ECE? I will have a large dog or two, and I'll have small animals as well as foster animals, and I don't think they would like that in a foster child's environment. Not sure.

The other problem too is when a girl child marry's she leaves the home to be with the husbands family, so they loose a valuable worker, but if they have a son they gain another valuable worker.

Thank you, Glacier, for addressing just some of the confusing issues about adopting from your own country.

Hey Donna,

While I agree with you and my fiance and I are going to adopt an older child from the US there is the fact that it is actually somewhat easier to adopt a child overseas than a child in the U.S. You don't have as much paperwork to go through and you don't have to worry about the birth parents decieding they want the child back. In the US they have one year from the time they are adopted for the natural parents to come and claim them.

There are alot of good points here. I think Glacier explained it best.