Changing sexual preference??

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03-09-2005, 02:07 PM
shutterbug0303

Changing sexual preference??

I could really use some input from people from all different aspects on this subject. I have a Christian friend who had fallen totally in love with this guy. He issuper-sweet, charming, and what seemed to be totally smitten over her. About a year into the flirting/dating/hanging out he tells her that he is gay. This comes as a complete and total shock to my friend as he has never led on to anything like that. Needless to say she was truly heartbroken over this fact...and when he tells her his life story, it gets worse...

When he was a young child, his father was a major drug lord, his mother had already had 2 sons who were "holy terrors" and then he came along. From the get-go, she was not going to allow her baby boy to become entangled in everything going on around him. So, she would not let him watch any TV, he was to have no contact with ANYTHING violent (no actions figures, cars, etc). He was only allowed to spend time with her, and only allowed to play with baby dolls and Barbie. His older cousins would always dress him up like a little girl and put make-up on him. Also, when he was about 5, one of his cousins (the cousin was about 7 or 8) sexually molested him. It was an constant thing that happened to him (his cousin was over a few times a week). He didn't know there was anything wrong with it at the time. The mother even caught them a few times but did nothing about it :eek:

Fast-forward to now...This guy believes that he is gay because of how he was raised/his surroundings. Since the only sexual pleasure he has experienced was from a male, that is what he is now comfortable with. However, when he met my friend, something began to change. He then started talking about how he wanted to be straight and wanted to be with her. He keeps saying that he should sexually experiment with other women in hopes to "teach" himself that he can get arroused by females. Being a Christian, my friend is in no way willing to allow herself to be used to try and "teach" him.

The point of this is....Do you feel it is possible for Hayden to change his sexual preference? How do you think he should go about doing this? There is so much more to the story, but I think there is now enough to go on. What is you opinion of this situation? Should my friend just "give up" on him becoming straight and look for a new guy to date? (She never wants to loose his friendship...she just wants to know if she should continue to persue him as a possibility for dating)
03-09-2005, 02:19 PM
catnapper

I don't know... sounds like he is giving her a line in order to get some action form her. If he's been flirting with her for a year and didn't get anywhere with her, then he's probably frustrated and wants to convince her to do something she wouldn't ordinarily do. Its an old story, tell a sob story, girl will do anything to help him.

I'd believe this sotry with a grain of salt. I once had a guy tell me the whole abuse thing, and I know it was just a ploy for sympathy and perhaps some female loving to help him forget it.
03-09-2005, 02:39 PM
Denyce

My BS meter was blinking a very bright red reading this story. I don't buy it. If the story really is true then she needs to run very fast in the opposite direction because this young man would have enough baggage to fill a moving van.

Denyce
03-09-2005, 02:44 PM
Samantha Puppy

Quote:

Originally posted by Denyce
My BS meter was blinking a very bright red reading this story. I don't buy it. If the story really is true then she needs to run very fast in the opposite direction because this young man would have enough baggage to fill a moving van.

Ditto!

<Monty Python>Run awaaaaaaaaaay!! Run awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!</Monty Python>
03-09-2005, 02:45 PM
Pit Chick

Maybe she should find a good Christian fellow that shares her same beliefs and isn't going to run game on her. I'm sure if she breaks up with him and tells him to figure it out for himself, he'll suddenly "realize" he's actually straight.
03-09-2005, 03:00 PM
RICHARD

I've changed my preference a bunch of times.

The only thing left on MY agenda is a redhead....

;)

I'll have to remember THAT line!!!!:D
03-09-2005, 03:02 PM
shutterbug0303

Thats what I think too...She needs to RUN! RUN! RUN! Now, if I can only convince her of the same thing...

The story may be full of BS, but I have a pretty good feeling he is truly gay. I don't believe a straight guy would do the things she knows/has seen him do with another man. No matter how desperate he is for sex....

And if his family truly is the way the story says they are...RUN! RUN! RUN! b/c that in itself is too much baggage! Talk about in-laws from hell!!!! :eek:
03-09-2005, 03:04 PM
slick

Quote:

Originally posted by RICHARD
The only thing left on MY agenda is a redhead....;)

Hmmm....seems to me that Rusty is a redhead and loves to have you scratch HIS butt.... ;) :D
03-09-2005, 03:16 PM
RICHARD

WOMEN, LISTEN UP!!!

You all have that nuturing/synapses/biological wiring thing going on in your head.....

"Oh I can change him!", "He's perfect except for the *insert phobia/tic/problem here*", "A little time and understanding..."

He needs to work on his presentation a little bit......

He waited a year to tell his life story???

I was raised by wolves, lost the den in a forest fire and was caught in a trap by some poachers when I was 8....wanna teach me to walk upright????

;)
03-09-2005, 03:46 PM
PJ's Mom

Sounds like a load of crap to me too. Men. Sheesh. :D
03-09-2005, 03:51 PM
RICHARD

Quote:

Originally posted by PJ's Mom
Sounds like a load of crap to me too. Men. Sheesh. :D

I heard that......:p

I had to throw out my "I'm still a virgin" line when I turned 30...

A sad day for me.....:rolleyes: :confused: :D
03-09-2005, 04:07 PM
Pit Chick

Quote:

Originally posted by RICHARD
I was raised by wolves, lost the den in a forest fire and was caught in a trap by some poachers when I was 8....wanna teach me to walk upright????

No, but I can have you neutered. :p
03-09-2005, 04:15 PM
RICHARD

Quote:

Originally posted by Pit Chick
No, but I can have you neutered. :p

I'll get back to you with the terms of my surrender.:confused: :eek: :p
03-09-2005, 06:04 PM
animal_rescue

Quote:

Originally posted by Pit Chick
No, but I can have you neutered. :p

LMAO!

That does sound like a load of crap to me though!
03-10-2005, 04:17 PM
kitten645

Amen...

Ditto on the baggage and Run away...Run away FASTER! If a guy is telling you it's bull trust us it IS! Who needs that sort of crap in their lives? Life is too short!
Claudia
03-10-2005, 05:11 PM
carrie

I haven't read the other replies to this thread so that I could react to the original post without being influenced so if I upset anyone by repeating them or totally going against what they have said please understand that there is no intention here.

I think what your friend should do is sit down with Hayden and tell him the truth.

Without further evidence his story has to be taken on trust. It sounds plausible, your friend trusts him and she can come to no physical harm by being honest with him. If it all turns out to be lies she will have protected herself by being honest and will still have left a channel of communication open to Hayden as a friend. No matter if the story is real or fake this young man is obviously in desperate need of an honest friend, one who gives respect and demands it in return.

If Hayden feels like he needs experience with girls to help him sort out his feelings then I think he has a valid point. Your friend should encourage him to meet more girls by widening his social circle. She should tell him that it won't matter to her what the outcome of the boy/girl preference is (if she is really comfortable with that) as long as he is happy and not hurting anyone. She should then thank him that he thinks that their friendship is far too important to risk being part of the "finding out"(I know that is not the reality of the situation but it is a clear message) process and that she also feels too close to him to risk being part of it. He is such a close friend that it would be the silliest thing to do - a possible lifelong friendship ruined, but she is willing to suport him dating other girls. Warn him that although this is a major time in his life he has to be aware of the effect that an intense relationship can have on the other person involved. Remind him how loveable he is and how easily it could get out of hand if he is not careful.
Tell your friend to keep a diary. Tell her to note down any witnesess to conversations or actions. Write down anything and everything that actually happens, is said and how it makes her feel.
Worst that could then happen is that he is a rat-bag and will distance himself from her.
Best that can happen is that he has a true friend that he can talk to, rely on and will be able to get his head straight eventually.
03-10-2005, 07:57 PM
Twisterdog

Quote:

Originally posted by Denyce
My BS meter was blinking a very bright red reading this story. I don't buy it. If the story really is true then she needs to run very fast in the opposite direction because this young man would have enough baggage to fill a moving van.

Denyce

No kidding. I've heard some baaaaddddd "get you into bed with my sad life story" lines, but that ranks right up there.
03-11-2005, 09:35 AM
IRescue452

You are born into a sexual preference, you can't change it. Sounds like he is supressing his anyway. If you are a guy that is not aroused by a girl, you can bet you weren't taught to be that way, it was born into you. I think he has no sex drive to begin with.
03-11-2005, 04:33 PM
Oggyflute

I'm sorry but he just sounds like a leach. Be it with a male or female partner, if he can't be honest with himself, he's sure not going to be honest with them.