6-yr-old suspended after mother refuses to spank him

6-yr-old suspended after mother refuses to spank him


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March 6, 2005 | Chicago Tribune

School orders mom to spank son--or else
6-year-old suspended after mother refuses to spank him for numerous disciplinary infractions; instead she yanks him from school

By Diane Rado
Tribune staff reporter


A 6-year-old boy who often talked too much in class was suspended from 1st grade at Schaumburg Christian School last week after his mother refused to spank him.

Chandler Scott Fallaw, a rambunctious boy, had been piling up disciplinary notes for talking, chewing gum, bringing toys to class and not finishing classwork, said his mother, Michelle Fallaw-Gabrielson. "By no means is my child perfect," she acknowledged.

But she never anticipated the ultimatum delivered at school Wednesday.

When she arrived to pick up Chandler, she said, assistant administrator Linda Moreau told her the school needed assurances that the boy would be disciplined. "She said, `Either he gets a spanking before he leaves today, or I'm suspending him,'" Fallaw-Gabrielson recalled.

She said she refused to spank her son and left with the assistant administrator calling after her: "You know he's suspended, and that's a very serious matter on his record."

Fallaw-Gabrielson withdrew Chandler from the school the next day.

"I was so shocked that they were putting me in this situation," she said.

As a Christian, Fallaw-Gabrielson knows well the old saying "spare the rod and spoil the child." But she can't bring herself to spank Chandler and uses alternative disciplinary measures instead, such as time-outs and taking away toys.

The American Civil Liberties Union in Illinois and other groups that follow the corporal punishment issue say what happened to Chandler and his mother appears to be legal, though highly unusual. Private schools have wide discretion in discipline matters, they said, and parents agree to school policies when they enroll their children.

Handbook spells out discipline

At Schaumburg Christian School, a ministry of Bethel Baptist Church that serves about 1,300 preschool to 12th-grade students, "parent-administered corporal punishment" is part of the disciplinary system for pre-kindergarten through 6th-grade children. The parent/student handbook states that "When this becomes necessary, parents will be asked to administer this form of punishment."

Parents also sign a "statement of cooperation" that lists parent-administered corporal punishment among its disciplinary guidelines.

Still, Fallaw-Gabrielson said it's not clear in any of the literature or presentations that parents would be given an ultimatum that could lead to their child's suspension.

Assistant Administrator Moreau declined to comment for this story and referred calls to school administrator Randy Thaxton.

Thaxton said: "Our policies are reasonable. They are legal; they are in writing." He stressed that he could not discuss any student disciplinary case specifically, but said the school, as a last resort, does give parents the option of spanking their children or accepting a one-day suspension.

"When it gets to the point where the teacher can't solve the problem in the classroom, and the administration can't solve the problem, we ask parents to fix the problem," he said. "We'd say, `look, our policy is you have an option. You can spank your child, or we will suspend him for the day.'"

However, that situation is rare, Thaxton said. "We've had five students, of 565 in the first through 6th grades, in this position because of long-term, unacceptable behavior," he said.

The case adds a twist to the emotional debate on corporal punishment that has played out nationwide for decades.

Parents remember spanking

While parents growing up in the 1950s and 1960s may recall getting spanked at home and paddled at school, the practice has increasingly declined.

Just over half the states have banned corporal punishment by school officials since the 1970s, with Illinois taking that action in 1994. Organizations for and against corporal punishment say that, with limited exceptions, the state bans in Illinois and elsewhere do not apply to private schools.

However, Illinois State Board of Education general counsel Jonathan Furr said Friday that Illinois case law suggests the ban could apply to private schools, though he cannot conclude that without more research.

In any case, an increasing number of private schools are shying away from corporal punishment, said Burt Carney, director for legal/legislative issues for the Colorado-based Association of Christian Schools International. His organization recently voted to discourage its member schools from using corporal punishment "because of today's litigious society and changing views on what is appropriate."

Thaxton said school officials do not administer corporal punishment at Schaumburg Christian. Under the school policy, the parents do any spanking.

Even so, the school should be concerned about liability if a child is seriously injured by a parent on campus, said Nadine Block, a former school psychologist and executive director of the Ohio-based Center for Effective Discipline, which works to eliminate corporal punishment.

Thaxton said the school has never been sued in the 11 years he's been in charge and that enrollment has more than doubled from 600 students--proof that parents want an academically challenging and disciplined environment.

The school started in 1971 as a preschool and grew to 12 grades by 1980. Parents agree to rules that include no physical contact between male and female students before, during or after school, and no rock music for junior and senior high students. Such music promotes rebellion, alcohol and drug use and other misbehavior, according to the school.

It goes back to Bible

Corporal punishment has a basis in the Bible, said Thaxton, pointing to a phrase in Proverbs 13:24 in the leather-bound Bible on his desk: "He that spareth his rod hateth his son." Inside one desk drawer, he keeps two paddles--a ping-pong paddle, and a larger, lightweight wooden paddle that can be used for spanking.

Around the school Friday, a diverse group of students quietly and diligently worked in cheerfully decorated classrooms. Elementary class sizes average 22 or 23 students; high school classes are even smaller. A group of kindergarten students was reading, and 1st graders were reading text that included words such as carpenter, scientists and missionary.

Fallaw-Gabrielson, Chandler's mother, praised the school's academic program. At home Friday--the boy is being home-schooled until the family moves to Aurora next month--Chandler was doing exercises on punctuation and capitalization.

One of the problems, his mother said, was that the school did not deal creatively with a rowdy but polite 6-year-old who tests at the 3rd-grade level and may have been restless and bored.

Between September and March, Chandler got 20 "Tally Reports" outlining his misbehavior at school.

Many were for talking too much in class. "Chandler had a bad day today. He talked all day," one said. Another said: "Chandler has been showing off all day."

Another reported that Chandler brought gum to school, which isn't allowed. "He offered gum to me," the teacher wrote. When she declined, he began chewing it himself.

Fallaw-Gabrielson said some of his behavior could stem from changes in the boy's life--she had been a single mother raising Chandler and recently married.

Each time he gets into trouble, she tries to be consistent in her disciplinary approach. But she remains steadfast in refusing to spank him.

"I'm a huge communicator," she said, "and I feel like physical is not the answer."

I heard about this on the news this morning. She needs to find a school for him that is more in agreement with the way that she chooses to discipline her child. Apparently she knew what their views were on corporal punishment when she put him in school there.

This is also the policy in the Christian school where hubby and I used to teach. In our case - it was very clearly spelled out in the contract. I think she DOES need to take him out of school and find a place that she is more comfortable with - as Logan has already said.

That said, I agree with corporal punishment and am glad the school enforces it and especially that they call in the parent to do the spanking. I do not want my kids spanked by anyone else without my permission.

I am only assuming that she knew the policy when she placed her son there. :rolleyes:

I agree she needs to get him to another school . But I also sounds like he needs a stronger disaplne structure. I have a son who needed the strong structure. I predict in the furture this child will eather be drugged out in public school or become a guest of our crimanil court system.

What is wrong with her..

She needs some help disciplining her son... I'm not saying she "HAS" to spank him... but it is obvious that what she is doing is not working...


How wants a naughty kid?!?!?! ... and what is so terrible about spanking them?:rolleyes:

Time to put the fear of God in this kid. And the fear of a belt.

I think that a school has absolutely NO RIGHT at all to tell a mother to spank their child. The school needs to follow policy and discipline the child according to the guidelines on what they can do. I think it is incredibly neanderthal-type thinking to call the mother in to spank the child :mad: If they want to suspend him for his behavior, fine. But don't make it an ultimatum.

Yes, the mother should work on disciplining her child more at home too. I don't think physical force is right though. I hope she finds a good school to place her child in, and maybe some help on how to dscipline him better at home.

1) Time outs only work in sports.

2) Take away the kids toys, he'll behave for a minute and when he gets them back the behavior will come back too!

3) I am sure the parents paying prime bucks to have their children in that school really appreciate the teacher talking time out of the curriculum to write out a note, send the little monster to the 'office', or discipline him...

When your kid fails don't sue the school, sue the monster's parents.

4) Enroll the mom in the school, to monitor her spawn's behavior and to teach her to read---the small print on the enrollment paperwork.

5) Reserve a cell RIGHT NOW in the county jail for this kid.

6) "I'm a huge communicator," she said, "and I feel like physical is not the answer." Wait until the kid hauls off an smacks HER...She won't be able to answer cause the kid got physical, with her.

BTW,
Communication has solved SOOOOOO many problems!
WWI, WWII, Korea, Viet Nam, Iraq, Bosnia, Falklands....


7) The mom has a hypenated name......;)


I guess it may be Neanderthal thinking to want to spank a child as a form of punishment, but, I have never heard of a Neanderthal parent ever having any problems with THEIR kids...

Crack the kid a few times.

Here's an example.

You have a 4 year old that likes to sock people in the crotch.

Sure, give him a time out or two....He'll never learn that when he turns 5 and does that , that someone is gonna fire his arse up or dot his eye....then all hell breaks loose, the mom sues the kid/parents that got hit in the bits---and never acknowledge their kid is a jerk....

"By no means is my child perfect" A brilliant observation, Michelle Shallow-Gabrielson you friggin' nitwit.


You just have to crack the little three times REALLY HARD.
If he don't learn by then, put him in Juvenile Hall.
It happened to me and look at how I turned out.

:eek: :rolleyes: :confused: :o ;)


Parents these days are soooooo intent on keeping their children living a painless, guilt free, life that they'll never teach them to take responsibility, screw up, skin their knees and learn what the big world has in store for them....


Spare the Rod???

You won't need it again if you use it right the FIRST time.;)

Quote:

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Originally posted by QueenScoopalot
As a Christian, Fallaw-Gabrielson knows well the old saying "spare the rod and spoil the child." But she can't bring herself to spank Chandler and uses alternative disciplinary measures instead, such as time-outs and taking away toys.


Each time he gets into trouble, she tries to be consistent in her disciplinary approach. But she remains steadfast in refusing to spank him.

"I'm a huge communicator," she said, "and I feel like physical is not the answer."

---

Sounds like that's working really well for her so far. :rolleyes:

Not that I believe you shouldspank your child all the time, but I do feel it is important that spankings occur when the chjild is out of control. This child sounds completely out of control and does not have the appropriate respect for rules and authority.

I grew up with a friend whose father would whip him with a belt for mild problems, like not bring the father a beer. That's child abuse. Giving the occasional slap on the bottom is simply teaching a child cause and effects in a manner a kid can understand. Touch a hot stoive you'll get burned... to me a quick slap on the bottom is a whole lot better than him pouring a boiling pot of water onto himself... same goes when they are schoolage. Reasoning with them doesn't do much.

My husband is a teacher and he can't say or do much to discipline his students. They are 7th and 8th grade and by then, because they were never properly disciplined for misbehavior in 1st grade and on, they know that they will get away with anything they do. He has students telling him to "go F$%* yourself" all the time. He can't even give a detention for it! :eek:

Quote:

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Parents agree to rules that include no physical contact between male and female students before, during or after school, and no rock music for junior and senior high students. Such music promotes rebellion, alcohol and drug use and other misbehavior, according to the school.

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What? How on earth are these children going to learn how the real world works if they are not allowed to talk to the opposite sex. So they are forcing these children to make friends elsewhere? Wouldn't they want children to play with other kids who are being taught the same thing? Basically, they are keeping kids away from eachother simply because they are different sexes. This seems very strange to me. Not only that, but how immature and stupid do you have to be to think that rock music promotes rebellion, alcohol and drug use? ANY music can talk about those things, and even if a kid didn't listen to music most kids in their lifetime are exposed to drugs, and it is THEIR decision alone to choose whether or not to experiment. :rolleyes: And there are Christian rock bands. Hello!


Now, my son is VERY well behaved. He is only spanked occasionally, and most of the time we use other methods to control his behavior, such as time outs etc. Just me using my stern voice lets him know he needs to cut it out! I believe spanking excessively IS abuse. I was abused as a child, and the first time I spanked Dylan I literally cried for about three hours. It brought back such horrifying memories for me, and I would hate for my son to think of me the way I thought of my mom growing up. There ARE other ways to discipline your child.

For some kids a stern voice or a time out are all it takes, but when a kid isn't responding to that then it's time to pull out the "weapon of mass booty destruction".

Then there are some people who have no business having kids because they don't know how to properly discipline them.

Quote:

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Originally posted by Pit Chick
For some kids a stern voice or a time out are all it takes, but when a kid isn't responding to that then it's time to pull out the "weapon of mass booty destruction".

Then there are some people who have no business having kids because they don't know how to properly discipline them.

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LOLOLOL,

My mom and dad just had to feint a move to a belt or shoe.....

I remember seeing the nuns at school, doing their version of the Maypole Dance.

They'd take your hand and you were supposed to run around her
while trying to evade the yardstick in her other hand.....

Trust me, Hell Hath no Fury like a........


Whoa, didn't I already do that thread????:confused:

Hey, I was spanked as a child too and it didn't do me any harm. My parents never used rods or shoes or the like....all they had to do is threaten to spank me and I'd behave.

Besides....just because I got spanked alot doesn't mean I like to be spanked.....:eek:....wait, doesn't this comment belong on the Sexual Preference thread?? :D

Quote:

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Originally posted by slick

Besides....just because I got spanked alot doesn't mean I like to be spanked.....:eek:....wait, doesn't this comment belong on the Sexual Preference thread?? :D

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PERVE ALERT! PERVE ALERT! PERVE ALERT! LOL

Perve is here???? Oh my gosh, I've always wanted to meet him......;) :D

My sisters and I were spanked too, Slick, and I feel we've turned out allright. :)

We always got a swat on the butt for minor infractions. Major... Mom would go into our room with a garbage bag. :eek: Oh the tears!!!

There was a paddle hanging up downstairs and we honestly believed my parents would use it or the belt, but they never did. Should of known they wouldn't seeing it was so dusty. ;)

Pyschological fear. It's the best! :D

Where to begin... I see nothing wrong with an occasional spanking when other forms of punishment don't work. If you give your kid a time out every day for doing the same thing- it should occur to you that time-outs aren't working. I was a kid not so long ago, I was good at the "go to my room and behave until they chill out" mode of thinking:D being sent to my room was not a punishment, it just made me try harder to not get caught next time. On the other hand, when I'd get taken over my dad's knee, I'd KNOW that I had better quit whatever I was doing.
I will certainly try other forms of punishment with my little boy, but if a behavior continues, he'll be taken over my knee just like I was when I was a kid. I turned out just fine. I have more maturity in my little finger than a lot of people my age and I think that that is in part to my parents keeping me from becoming a little monster.
This woman needs to crack down on her little 6 year old and find something that works! In the meantime, I'm sure that she'll put him into a public school where he'll fit in just fine with all of the other little hooligans:

Ooh I remember double whammy days.:( Too much of a smart a*se in school which often necessitated the use of a cane which was six strokes straight across the hand. Of course if it was a major indescresion, the school would talk to my father, and waiting at home would be a leather belt, :( straight across the bum. **OUCH**.

It taught me two things. Behave, and to never get caught.:D

Ok, this could only happen in a Christian scool. First off, who suspends a 6-year-old? If the child is having problems concentrating in class you take him to see the counselor first to see if there is something wrong that they can fix. If he brings toys or gum to class, you take them away. I agree that the mother has discipinary problems because she allows this child to bring toys and gum to class and aparently has ignored the notes she got from the school, assuming she got the notes. I think public school would actually fix this problem. I have just as many friends that grew up in public schools as friends that went to private schools.I've heard of so many more discipline problems in private schools and students of private schools are more likely to turn to drugs and alcohol because they are in a more rigid school stucture. Also, when some of my friends from private schools came to public high school and to Lakeland they didn't know anything about the real world. They were taught limited things in school. Never anyting about drug and alcohol abuse or sex and birth control and std's. They were more likely to try things because they had never heard of anything about them except "just say no". I resent that you would say public school will turn this kid into a druggie. Its the other way around. And to get back to the subject, I would not spank my child either. At my house we talk about problems we are having and we work them out together, spanking hurts the child and does teach them you are mad at them, but it doesn't fix anything. It's like taking aspirin to cover the pain from a broken leg. Sure you don't feel anything but you still have a dangling leg that is only getting worse.

Did you ever think that being spanked was not the reason you turned out? There are hndreds of other factors involved. My sister and I both got spanked or belted or paddled. She's in jail and I'm in college. Someting else was involved in how we turned out, sorry spanking didn't matter. I mean honestly, when you were doing something bad did you really think about getting spanked? And afterward did you go sit in your room and actually do some deep thinking about why your parents had to spank you and what lesson they were trying to instill. No. You rubbed your butt and went on with your life as if it never happened. Especially at 6 years old you don't hang on to your spankng, you forget it right away when you next go out to play. Only thing it taught me was not to get caught.

It is one thing to spank a child for hitting smebody, it is anther to spank them for a discipliary problem that they cannot change so easily and that they more then likely don't understand themselves. If he is testing at a third grade level then of course he is bored in first grade. I still get bored in class and I am in college. When I was in first grade I was given seperate, hands'on projects to do while the other kids caught up on their reading. We were not skipped ahead because we were not socially ready for other classes, just intellectually ready. We were given other projects to work on and sometimes we were taken to the ESL classes to work with kids our age that couldn't speak good English, which is good practice to have them interact wih ngish students rather than always being taught by a teacher. Spanking won't help that he is not challenged in class enough or that he learns differently than others students. It will only tell him that you want him to change something he cannot change by himself and it will frustrate him

I'm trying to teach my dog to speak on command, but she doesn't quite get what I want her to do. She tries different things, but cant get it without my help. When she gets close, like whilnes or makes frustrated noises, I reward her noises and try to get her closer to a bark. I work with her. If she can't speak yet today when I say it, should I take the belt to her and beat the tar out of her?

I completely agree that public schools aren't full of druggies or hooligans. I went to both private and public schools growing up and each was filled with its own share of problems. Whether a child is a hooligan or not depends on the parenting they receive. I was not spanked as a child and I went to public school. I've never done a drug in my life and I don't even drink. I think my parents did a wonderful job. My mom did work hard reading child psychology books and taking parenting classes. I respect her so much more than someone who just automatically takes a belt to a child without first trying to educate themselves on better ways to discipline. It just seems so crazy to me that spanking is such an accepted method of discipline. I can't understand the concept of it no matter how hard I try.

I think that corporal punishment can be put off until the kid
buries a #2 pencil into his schoolmates skull.

Quote:

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Originally posted by RICHARD
I think that corporal punishment can be put off until the kid
buries a #2 pencil into his schoolmates skull.

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Or into their arm. When I was in the 4th grade this boy was in my chair and when I asked him to move so I could get my stuff to go home, he stabbed me in the arm with a pencil and ran out of the class. I'm sure a good talkin too is all this potential killer in the making needed. :rolleyes:

Quote:

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Originally posted by IRescue452
Only thing it taught me was not to get caught.

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I 'm glad that John Wayne Gacy, Jeff Dahmer, the BTK killer,
Son of Sam, Richard Ramirez, Juan Corona, the Unabomber weren't spanked as kids........that probably the reason THEY were caught.
;)


PC.

OUCH......

Quote:

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[i] spanking hurts the child and does teach them you are mad at them, but it doesn't fix anything. It's like taking aspirin to cover the pain from a broken leg. Sure you don't feel anything but you still have a dangling leg that is only getting worse. [/B]

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Ohh, it sure "fixed" things for me. If I was about to do something, I knew my dad would find out and make me walk to the closet, pick out a belt, and he would spank me with it. I often changed my mind on doing something "rebelious" just because I KNEW what was to come afterwards, and I sure wasn't going to go through that.

Yes, it can prevent some bad things, and it could stop the child from bringing toys to class and from talkig in class, but does it fix the underlying problem that he is bored in class ad not feeling challenged enough, no.